[lv99atheist]

Hi. If this is inappropriate for this thread, please kindly redirect me to where I need to go.

My name is Kyle. I haven't been on PsychCentral forums for a long while. I guess I was doing a little better, then I've had something crop up recently and have found that I really need a greater sense of community in my life.

I have literally no one in my day-to-day life. Either it's because the people around me can't accept me and would rather dump me altogether ... or it's because I'm terrified of meeting new people.

Anyway, I've found more and more over the last few weeks that I need different people to talk to. My therapist is a good one, but I feel like we're never really going to get anywhere fast. Only an hour a week to work on problems that plague me 24/7 and for the last 36 years of my life?! I don't need more therapists. I just need some people to talk to, to share life with, to build a sense of community.

I recently lost the only support network I had outside of therapy. My brothers, being drug-addled and perpetually drunk and miserable, decided they were going to act in ways that made it impossible for me to continue speaking to them. I do have a few friends on Facebook I talk to, but none are very helpful when it counts. I do my best to maintain contact with them and such, but they have limitations themselves. Many of my "friends" there follow me for whatever reason and don't try to engage with me, especially when I'm in a crisis and need the most help. I do my best to help them, but the feeling isn't as mutual as I'd like.

I'm very shy, I suffer from agoraphobia and possibly Avoidant Personality Disorder. I recently met someone I'm interested in romantically, but there have been so many bumps and bruises just four weeks in that I'm not sure it will be a good fit for me. I just need someone else to talk to, if only so I can get the sense that I'm not the only person in the entire world who has been through these types of experiences. I hate to admit it, but I've been calling both the local crisis hotlines available to me fairly religiously over the past few weeks; I don't know how to handle most of the things I'm feeling in this relationship.

Does anybody understand what I'm going through? Will anyone take the bait and talk with me? Am I just an attention-starved drama king and I just need to shut up and get a life? Do they really need to lock me away because I'm just too messed up to be walking around free like this? Can anybody hear me?

[Leed]

Yes Kyle -- i hear you. And I can understand too. There was a time when I was exactly where you are right now. Now that I'm older, I guess i've developed some coping skills. I'm NOT saying this for anyone to feel sorry for me, believe me, but i have NO friends either. They all dumped me when my husband died -- guess they don't want a single woman in a "couples only" group. Who knows? But I've determined that I'm better off without them.

But at YOUR age, I'd feel just as you're feeling. Miserable, and on the phone to a crisis center. Why do you hate to admit that you've called a hot line? That's what they're there for -- to help! Don't be embarassed about it -- I'm PROUD of you for doing it!

You said your therapist is a good one, but you don't feel you're getting anywhere -- don't you think you've made ANY progress??? If you don't, then it's time to change therapists!! I've had to do that before -- sometimes they just aren't the "right fit." You've GOT to be able to really communicate with your therapist, and he's GOT to totally understand where you're coming from and to relate! if that doesn't happen, then you HAVE to change. Simple as that. And you KEEP changing until you find one that clicks. It's imperative, or you won't get anywhere at all. I finally found a psychologist who really ROCKED -- and I made progress fast! She was awesome, and i got my "power" back. I was able to make decisions that I was never able to make before. I was able to stand up for myself which was something I could never do before. People noticed the change in me, and were astounded! In fact I scared some people. LOL One of the people I scared was my husband when I asked him for a divorce after he mentally abused me for 26 years! LOL All of a sudden he couldn't do that anymore. That was fun. LOL

I wish I could help you more -- but sadly I can't. But I'll be more than willing to listen so feel free to private message me if you'd like to talk further. Take care of yourself & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

(((Kyle)))

I can understand what you're saying. I relate to a lot of what you mentioned in this post.

I've seen many different T's over the years, some more helpful than others. I agree with what Leed said about seeking a new T, until you do find one who's a really good fit! My current T and I have been working together for 2 years (or so) and have made a significant amount of progress in just that time. I've opened up a lot, and shared many issues that have plagued me for years ~ but I felt too ashamed to admit to previous T's.

Don't feel shame about calling the hotlines ~ that takes strength! Good for you for reaching out, instead of pulling back even farther. That's exactly what those hotlines are in service to do.

You're certainly welcome to post your Q's and/or experiences at this site, and get our feedback. Personally, I steer clear of FB 99% of the time. Imo, it feels like baloney there, as though no one really cares...so I stay away to protect my emotional well-being. It works for me.

Very best wishes to you ~ take care!

[lv99atheist]

Originally Posted by Leed

Yes Kyle -- i hear you. And I can understand too. There was a time when I was exactly where you are right now. Now that I'm older, I guess i've developed some coping skills. I'm NOT saying this for anyone to feel sorry for me, believe me, but i have NO friends either. They all dumped me when my husband died -- guess they don't want a single woman in a "couples only" group. Who knows? But I've determined that I'm better off without them.

But at YOUR age, I'd feel just as you're feeling. Miserable, and on the phone to a crisis center. Why do you hate to admit that you've called a hot line? That's what they're there for -- to help! Don't be embarassed about it -- I'm PROUD of you for doing it!

You said your therapist is a good one, but you don't feel you're getting anywhere -- don't you think you've made ANY progress??? If you don't, then it's time to change therapists!! I've had to do that before -- sometimes they just aren't the "right fit." You've GOT to be able to really communicate with your therapist, and he's GOT to totally understand where you're coming from and to relate! if that doesn't happen, then you HAVE to change. Simple as that. And you KEEP changing until you find one that clicks. It's imperative, or you won't get anywhere at all. I finally found a psychologist who really ROCKED -- and I made progress fast! She was awesome, and i got my "power" back. I was able to make decisions that I was never able to make before. I was able to stand up for myself which was something I could never do before. People noticed the change in me, and were astounded! In fact I scared some people. LOL One of the people I scared was my husband when I asked him for a divorce after he mentally abused me for 26 years! LOL All of a sudden he couldn't do that anymore. That was fun. LOL

I wish I could help you more -- but sadly I can't. But I'll be more than willing to listen so feel free to private message me if you'd like to talk further. Take care of yourself & God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thanks. I hear what you're saying, but I can't keep changing therapists. The mental health system in my state for low-income people like myself is ABYSMAL. If you get into the wrong agency, they just stick you with interns who either haven't even graduated from school or people who have no idea what they're doing. I guess the reason I say I'm making no progress in therapy because when I complain that I'm lonely, of course the first suggestion is for me to go out and make friends. Yeah, if it were THAT simple, I would've done it by now! I think they're avoiding the fact that I think I have Avoidant Personality Disorder; I really do want to have friends, but I can't handle a whole bunch of people at one time (I never have been able to!) and those who do enter my life I tend to push away, mostly by accident. The second bit I can't really describe well, but... some people just rub me the wrong way for some reason. I can't speak of universal traits, like "this person is blonde and I hate blondes" or "that guy is too macho, therefore I better avoid him!" I can't even describe what my problem is, and I guess that's why I'm not getting the help I need with it! Also, I've always got so many problems going on at one time that before I can address something deep-seated there's always something else that crops up and takes center stage! I have tried going to groups that center around my particular interests, but inevitably I leave for various reasons. Usually, I'm too intimidated by others or I feel I'm not included because there are already established cliques there and they make good and damn sure that, for whatever reason, I'm not EVER going to be a member in full standing. Besides, people tend to distrust me a lot because I'm very shy. I can take smaller "doses" of people, one on one or two on one is more my style. But mostly when I'm in a group, I listen. I absorb. I take in. I think (I'm almost always totally inside my own head, an unfortunate side-effect of PTSD.) And people "read" that as "he's being snobby!" or "he's just sitting back judging the rest of us!" or "he doesn't *really* want to be part of this group... all he's doing is piggy-backing off the rest of us and just riding us for whatever perverse pleasure he's getting from being here!" I really don't know what else to do. Oh, and forget about "small talk." It is literally PAINFUL for me to engage in small talk! I don't care about other people's kids, I know other people get bored hearing about the weather, and I have no life whatsoever to speak of, so I can't talk about work, or family, or whatever else other people talk about. And the few things I do know enough about to discuss comfortably are so obscure that people get lost when I try to talk about them! It's almost like I don't even belong on this planet.

[Perna]

Hi, Kyle, sorry your brothers have let you down. I would go hang out at the local library and then take a class offered there or join one of the groups that meets there (after I knew my way around the library and sort of knew the clerks and librarians). If there's another "public" place/store you like better, lots of grocery stores have bulletin boards, for example, I'd go there, read the ads, real the local newspapers and little magazines that are free at places, etc. until I could figure out something that might interest me enough to get me over the initial attendance more often somewhere and gradual meeting of more people I have a shot at getting friendly with.

[Wants2Fly]

I also feel challenged by building a safety net. I think it's super that you are aware of this and doing your best.

[Zenda]

Wow this is exactly why/how I found this forum. I feel like I am tired of talking about the same old stuff over and over, and don't want to have my current safety net get tired of me. Also I hear that I am the only one that can keep me safe, but I often feel really close to. It staying safe. I call the hotline. But I kind of feel weird doing it. I dont feel sad I have friEnds I enjoy lots of things. I just have repeated suicidal thoughts and am at a loss as to how to cope with it. Sometimes I just need some place to chat until I can fall asleep and sometimes that takes hours. I get so tired distracting myself.