[visalissa]

I cant believe i let it get like this. I mean i do evrything for him. i lost contact with my family for him. fell in love with his family. and now i feel like the only way to make myself happy is to rip myself from the only people i have left. I dont even know if i could handle it. heck i cant handle it right now. i need a break but cant get one. im stuck... and the tears wont stop... im so hurt and tired of being controlled and mentaly abused. and he expexts to say sorry and expects everything to be ok. well im done wearing this mask. i want to quit but i know it will make him happy. Just pretend i tell myself. Just act it out. they will still love you... ... i need help but no money. The panic attacks are all the pain im alowed. i NEED more. SI is all i need. being married isnt what i expected it to be. if i could change anything... i would be 12 again change my whole life around... but miricles dont happen do they?? I cant take it any longer. trying seems so hard to even continue.. how do you try when your the only one putting forth effort??? How??!! Im posting to get this all off my chest. if there is anyone who can help with out telling me to leave that would be great. i just feel like im at my last rope. and it shreading at this very moment.

Visa, I am not sure what is going on. Would you be able to clarify your situation for us?

It sounds like you want to leave your family but are unable to?

Regards,

IT.

((((Visa)))) We are here and we care. Please share again when you are ready.
You are not alone and you dont have to be in so much pain and suffer alone.
Rose

[visalissa]

im sorry i was just rambling. Im just tired of fighting every day over stupid things. and the family that im talking about are my inlaws. i dont neccisarily want to leave them. but on the same note i feel i have to make myslef happy. and im not sure if i would be happier here or gone. i love my inlaws. the only reason in trying soo hard is becuase i love my inlaws. my 5 year old sister in law would be tore to peices if i left and i cant do that to her. and well i guess i love my husband but on the same note i dont think i can handle anymore mental abuse. and control. its soooo confusing. and i know it. im just hopeing i can find someone who has been through the same thing. and can posibly shine some light.

So your husband is mentally abusing you? How is this happening? And if he's doing that, why do you love him?

[visalissa]

mentally... its the same as phisically only he uses words to hurt me the most. and he knows what to say and how to say it. then trys to appoligize to make it better. and he knows that im a forgiving person. the reason im still with him is because it dident get really bad untill recently i always thought i could handle it. but apparently stress breaks people down. I love him. and also because im following bible rules. it states in the bible that you arnt suposed to leave unless there is phisical abuse. Im not sure where its at but my old preacher teached it one service. I dont want to make any more mistakes that i cant take back. so im trying to abide by him.

I wouldn't worry about the bible, there's lots of stuff in there that even priests ignore these days.

If you're being mentally abused, that needs to be sorted out, particularly since you have a mental illness. Have you tried going to therapy together?

[Confusedinomicon]

Have you thought about calling a local woman's shelter and talking to a representative there?

Mental abuse is worse than physical abuse because it leaves no track. Even if you love your inlaws, you need to talk to someone who could help you get out of the situation. Also, if you are going to leave, do NOT tell him. Do it when he is working etc., to prevent him from convincing you to stay.

Abuse is a nasty cycle. He will continue to manipulate your emotions and break you as long as you stay.

[sweetandsour]

Hi Vissa

you seemed to be in pain. but right now you have to be strong. of what i understood you don't want to live but being a human being you need to get your due respect and its only you who can make people understd what you are worth.
i was in a similar situation as you loved my in laws much more than my own but finally hen i realised even my own wasn't really mine. we are born alone our parents are guides to us only for sumtime but then all is in our hands.
everyone lives their life they wont live yours. you have to live it and make it worth living. following this trend u'll only end up hurting urself more.
human beings are selfish you can't denythat and by being rude to you they are only taking their part out of it u r like the punching ball..
you have to have the guts to voice out your opinions stand straight and say no enough is enough. you love them but there shouldn't be abuse of your love and only taking from you without giving in return.
if they really care for u they should respect that decision of yours that you deserve respect from them. talk your heart out to your hubby he should know what is your mental state and the rest in laws just ignore. your couple is what matters most if this doesnt stand then in laws what will you do with them.
be brave and stand up for your rights. take care of yourself.
if you want to get out you have to do it..else same misery will continue.
keep posting you'll get full support and strenght from here.

((((Visa)))) thanks for sharing. You do have support here I echo the sentiments of the other members.

Loving someone AND standing up for yourself (not accepting abuse) is not mutally exclusive. You can love people very much, but still put yourself first.

Hugs and best wishes to you,
Rose

[likewater]

((((Visa)))) in the Bible it says your husband should love you and treat you as Jesus loves His bride, the church. If your husband is
using God's word against you , he is twisting it, and that is called spiritual abuse. I was in a similar situation and in a very conservative church. The pastor still advised i leave my husbund before i got tore down so low i couldnt. Hugs to you. May angels surround you.