'notebook' love, married the other guy, from then on emotional coldness

Hello
8 years ago I met a boy. He was not my 'first love' but definitely the 'only one'.
If anyone saw the movie 'The notebook', well that is the story..just I married the other one..
We were together for three years.We definitely broke up when I was 20. I was in a relationship before this boy, (I'll just call him Ex) as well as in some relationships in between when we broke up, and also after him. I don't even recall the past relationships, it wasn't it so I moved on without any regret. Only my Ex.. we couldn't live without each other but neither together.
My parents are divorced from when I can remember. I was raised in hate to man. Shockingly, until the age of 18 I believed that man are useless and marriage is a sick environment that lasts only for the sake of children. I truly believed it and felt sorry for my friends that grow up in a 'full family'. i considered myself a lucky person that my parents did divorce. At some point I understood that what I consider as 'normal' is very sad and wrong. To sum up i was not taught how to love. I didn't know anything about relationships. So I didn't know how to make it work with my Ex. All the time my mood was changing. On every behaver of my boyfriend I got the ready reaction encoded in my mind. My mother taught me that man are egoists, so nearly everything my boyfriend did or not did to me was offensive. But I loved him and it was stronger then me. We spent beautiful time together, finally we broke up, for my fault, as all my reactions were always bad, at that time I didn't understand that in a relationship there are two people..I found another boyfriend, but it didn't work out, so I came back to my Ex. He couldn't manage that I was with someone else, so from then on he didn't want to be in a relationship with me, neither he wanted me for anybody else, so we hang out for about a year as 'friend with benefits'. Though we didn't date anybody else, we were not officially together, we could and couldn't count on each other as we would be in a relationship.. I stayed with him because I loved him, I didn't care for anything as long as I could be with him, he was my best friend I ever had. After a year I went on holidays and met my husband. At that point my boyfriend wanted me to come back to him and be together, but I was so tired of our relationship, history.. mess.. so my heart wasn;t happy but I did not come back to my Ex. I closed my eyes and married my husband. Currently we are 5 years married and have 2 children (3 and 4 years old). Yet before marriage I started regretting it, but it was too late.. When I understood that for real this it is over, I will never be able to be with my Ex again, my emotional world literally lived an earthquake. I cried a whole year after my marriage, each and every day. And so did my Ex. We both lived it hard. Many times I couldn't explain the tears to my husband. I got pregnant so it was some of excuse I guess.. From the beginning I didn't want to be touched or kissed by my husband. I felt guilty. I felt that I belong to my Ex.. each kiss or touch was a voice in my head ' it is not Ex'. There was no magic. Many times just a kiss could make me cry. After a year I started to manage somehow my emotions. Well I unplugged them completely.. I became a robot. I love my husband, I really do, he is a good man, father and husband. He cares, he works a lot, but I am just not in love with him. I never was and I am not sure if I ever will be. But at least I understood how relationships work.. He is a very attractive man, and yet I force myself to have sex with him. On the other side I don't find my Ex that attractive but I could land in his arms very easy.. didn't try though
My Ex did move on. Got married, have a child. It is me who is stuck in the past. All these years we stayed in touch, though not too intensive. So now I am married 5 years, my children grow up and I can't tell my husband that I am just too tired to have sex.. He gets annoyed more often for that matter.. and it of course result in general fighting.. i know it is not a problem of my libido, it is that I still, even after 5 years of marriage feel like I belong to my Ex.. So I came to the point I need to find out- is it ever going to change?? Because.. My husband is a good person, I love him, but I start thinking that he only gets more tired of this situation, we both do.. and he is still young and attractive, so maybe if I leave him, he will be able to find a women that will give to him what he deserves, attention, love, passion.. I can't do that. I love him of course, but I feel like an egoist.. I don't give him much, and I am with him, because I like him, I like his company, he is the father of my children.. but I don't give him love.. I am not in love with him..
So my question is - is it possible for me to move on.. to stop loving my Ex and start loving my husband? Or is it just a theme for a next holywood movie? Because you see.. For many years now I didn;t think much of my Ex. It was inside me though.. and now when I discovered the reason of my emotional coldness, all the emotions flew out, and it all got worser. I started to feel again, to feel pain that I lost my Ex. More than ever not want to make love to my husband.. because it reminds me of my loss.. I know it sounds childish.. it has been so long.. :/ Any idea what to do? I can only say.. I know I should let my Ex go. But I just can't. I still love him and want to love him even though I know I will never be again with him.. It already passed 5 years, it seems that all the life can pass the same, it doesnt make me bigger difference anymore.. years don't count.. I just pitty my husband.. he isn't happy enough with me - this is the general story with the least words possible to describe it.. I guess it all is much more complicated that it looks on the surface..

Honey, you don't even know if your ex wants you "for good." He has a wife and family. What makes you think he would dump all that for you? Do you think he'd leave his family for you? Has he told you? Do you believe him? Chances are you'd be left out in the cold without ANYONE.

You're thinking with your heart and NOT with your head. Do you REALLY want to leave your children and go to this ex? Do you REALLY think your husband would let you take your children and run off to this ex? I doubt it very seriously! He would NOT let you take those kids. You'd have to leave them -- could you really do that?

You have a LOT of thinking to do. You're just not thinking straight. Right now, you have a husband that loves you, two children that love you, and a home. Do you really want to give all that up for a guy that PROBABLY WILL NOT leave his wife and family for YOU.

My advice -- stay where you are and get some counseling. You're just living in the past -- and the past wasnt that great. You two (you and your ex) couldn't live together and you couldnt live apart. It really was NOT that great! You couldn't make a life together cause you couldn't get along. Forget it. It's all over. Get some counseling. And stay put. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Thank you for an answer. I didn't make myself clear, probably because English is not my native language and I make tons of mistakes..

I don't want to be with Ex, even if he would like to be with me, it is not possible. I wish him everything the best and a lot of happiness in his life and marriage. I am not a bad person that want to destroy others lives, actually I helped my Ex and encouraged him to fight for his wife when she wanted a divorce and he was willing giving it to her.. I explained to him what she is going through after having a baby, that she needs a support right now. And gratefully they still are together. I am just unable to love my husband and he is such a great guy.. I know I have a happy, healthy family and I thank God for this each day. I just feel sorry for my husband.. He knows that I don't love him that way.. I am almost pushing him to cheat on me.. because I use any excuse I can think of in order not to have sex with him.. and I can't force myself to enjoy it because I can't force myself to fall in love with him.. even after so many years.My husbands knows that I don't want him and when I agree to have sex I am not enjoying it too much.. and he gets angry for that reason.. If I consider a divorce it is not for me to get the freedom, it is for my husband to find a woman that can love him and to relax.. I would never take children away from my husband. Children should not be paying for the parents mistakes. If I'd take a divorce, I would stay near.. so children could see him anytime they want.. I am just afraid that I am not able to free myself from the past, and that I will never be..and I feel like I am waisting my husbands time.. I feel very selfish.. I stay with him because I exactly- don't want to stay alone.. but this is not a good reason to be married, right? If I imagine that my husband could cheat on me.. I just don't care.. It wouldn't make a difference to me.. I am not jealous at all.. I feel like both of us know that there is no love between us, but we both believed that it will happen with time, but it isn't.. and u know how it goes.. my husband doesn't feel I love him so he doesn't care of coming back straight home after work. We find a lot of reasons to be angry at each other, there is no understanding between us. And yet, as my husbands feel insecure he has horrible issues with his jealousy. He filters all of my contacts. Even when someone accidentally calls me on my mobile because of dialing a wrong number, he doesn't believe It was a mistake and makes my life difficult for at least a week after.. If he thinks that on a street I looked or smiled to some man he gets crazy, even though it is only in his mind and in reality I have no idea what he is talking about. I can't go anywhere alone, not even to the shop if a man is working there, because my husband believes that every man I meet will take me away from him.. my life is easy when I stay at home and not go outside.. but than again my husband complains that he has to do everything by himself.. and so he is always tired.. and if tired = angry..