[faklempt]

my bf and I are having 'space' whilst he is far away visiting family for three weeks. I broke up with him before he left, because I felt so unbelieveably insecure about myslef, and that how would he ever stay faithful, why would he come back to me when he could meet some beautiful woman over there. bla bla then I regretted it, and we halfway reconciled before he left. He has told me he is still commited to, in love with me, and that he considers himself with me while he's away, but we are not talking during this time, to attempt to take care of ourselves, and right some wrong thought processes we both have independently: him being a middle child pleaser saying no when he means yes, and me being a maninipulative insecure person seeking approval from him all the time...
I find myself in a good space more often now that it's been a week and a half, but am having a lot more anxiety sporadically... I wake up anxious My chest feels tight sometimes, I can't breathe well. It' s not ev en when I am actively thinking about things, it's just.. there.

I have learned that I HATE not knowing how things will turn out. I don't know how to exist in the 'grey'. I am trying to change the automatic negative thoughts, the entirely made up stories about a future event that hasn't even happened.. bt it's tough.

I feel very anxious. I am worried that I will not be in a good place when this person I love returns, and I will blow it all over again, after he said to me, 'I am willing to put myself out there again for you, but.. things have to change. I am totally in l ove with you but at the same time I feel some relief not being with you the way we were'.

ug. I know people have bigger problems. I feel petty for needing so much help, but my body is not responding well to this anxiety., and that's not healthy.

How in the world does one develop self confidence?? I mean, is it either you have it or you don't? Will I be able to change my thoughts if I want to? Can it really happen?

[Lexicon78]

You can do anything you want to do...but the trick is that you have to work on it...and it's a lot of hard work. Instead of saying to yourself that it's gonna be bad or saying in your head what he may be doing or whatever, try to tell yourself to stop thinking that way and rephrase what you're thinking into something more positive.

For example, instead of thinking he's shacking up with some hottie (one of my reoccurring thoughts on my man when he's not with me), try to say to yourself "I have no proof of this. He loves me and is faithful to me. He will not do that to me." Just state the facts and what you know to be true. Don't go on wild tangents of something that isn't in his character at all.

I'm like a mixture of your bf and you...I don't see grey areas at all and am a huge people pleaser (and also the middle child). I can certainly understand your anxiety and panic over his absence. I know I'd be freakin out if I couldn't see or talk to my bf for that long. It would also cause me to do the "what if's" over and over in my head.

This must be terribly awful for you to go through. Whether or not people feel this is a "petty" issue or not, you are suffering just as bad as anyone else is...that's what's important here.

Please try to hang in there.

[faklempt]

Thanks!! .. It is good to hear, (not that I'm glad you worry too) but it's good to hear that someone else has these thoughts too! I really thought I was losing it.
Had therapy today.. it was good. What stuck with me was, 'you have to throw your hands up, psychologically, at times, and admit that there are some things you don't have control over'

Like when someone cuts you off in traffic, or doesn't flush the toilet. Annoying. Uncontrollable. So, you just move on. Although emotionally charged situations are tougher, ultimately, if I don't have control over something, then why stress about it. sigh.

How come some people get it, and some of us have to work so hard to feel balanced? lol. all I can do is laugh.

this site is great! <font color="orange"> </font>

[Rhapsody]

Self Esteem comes from with in.... what you think is what you will feel and believe to be true.... YOUR inner TRUTH.

One must work on changing the negative talk & beliefs into the positive ones at all times.... just what LEX was telling YOU.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

BTW - ............................................

[faklempt]

Thx....I know. I have been trying to do lots for myself.. gawd I was not doing anything for myself, just worrying about other people's input.. no wonder I had a total breakdown/anxiety attack and pushed him away.. I was ill equipped to handle a true loving relationship.

I am doing salsa, and taking a spirituality class in the form of learning about Kabbalah - no, I don't want to be like Madonna, I am Jewish and have been considering it for some time...
And it feels good you know, to do things for yourself.. who knew???? Seriously. Self care is so important and I really honestly just see now that I guess I thought my self care would be taken care of by outside opinions, outside actions.. wow. I have learned so much already.

The only remaining 'what if' is .. what if my man comes back and says, you know, it's too little too late. sorry.
ugh. I'm sick to think of it. You all will have one wild little poster on your hands if that is the case. Ultimately, I'd like him to come home, call me, and for us to have a long lovely walk and talk and just.. reconnect. fresh, healthy, new.