[Agape4us]

I have a problem. I am lesbian with a partner who does not have bipolar disoder. I have more problems with depression than anything at this point in my life. Karen is a new partner of about one year. One week ago her friend of 14 yrs. came to town with her girlfriend. Karen and I took them to dinner which went well. I admit that I tried to be funny and likable. I had a good time. Karen's friend call her C, was in town for classes all week long. C's girlfriend, N and I had some things in common and I thought that asking her out for breakfast while C was in classes would be fun. Well, I was sick with a cold and called her to tell her why I had not called to go out to breakfast. N suggested that we go at 5AM so C could go also. I said wow I don't get up that early because I take meds. N asked what meds do I take and I told her, to which she asked if I was bipolar. I responsed with yes, I've been given that diagnosis before. N then got on the ban wagon trying to tell me what to do, like apply for SSI and how long it takes, etc. I just listened. I am not working but have a masters in social work with expertise in mental health. Anyway these two gals presented themselves as forthright and blunt, so I thought I could be. We set a breakfast time for 2 day later and at 9AM. The night before breakfast, C calls on my cell phone and says that N can't go because she needs her help studying which I knew was BS. Then C talked to Karen. I heard Karen's voice tone change and say no she can't hear me and yes I will be careful. Basically, end of conversation with the breakfast cancelled. I felt paranoid, and immediately asked Karen if they were talking about me, which she replied no to. I pushed and Karen swear to god, then I said look you said this and this. Then Karen got mad and told me the truth, that her friend C had said she was not comfortable with me being with Karen. I was like what the heck. To shorten the story, Karen went to breakfast with both of them before they lefted town to find out what happened. N told Karen that I had told her I was suicidal and took notes during our phone conversation. In other words that I was bipolar and not good for Karen. When Karen came home and tried to tell me I got really upset and left. I came home to my elderly mother's with my dog. Only taking my meds with me. Karen got really mad and told me to take all my stuff and not come back. I just needed to get away before I exploded. I felt betrayed by Karen as she stayed friends with C and N. All she told me was that she couldn't prove what I said and didn't say. Ever since then, several days now, Karen and I have not been able to get past this. We had talked about me going and meeting them to find out what happend that they no longer approved or liked me. Karen said she told them that she could make up her own mind and thanks for being concerned. I feel discriminated against. Part of me could have kicked some butt, lol.
Karen is a salesperson with a locrative career and takes care of me like no one ever has. She is kind to my mother. My daughter and grandchildren like her. Things have gone well except for when I met her large family and one of her sister's ticked me off and I stood up for myself. Karen says I hurt her sister and put her in the middle. Believe me her sister pushed me and I responded verbally. Anyway she finally told her mom that I was bipolar and now her mom tells her to be careful. I'm in my fifties. I can't get a job, I have social problems on the job, and I am trying to get myself to apply for SSI and basically give up on employment. But I am not suicidal, never said so, and I sure would not tell a stranger!!! I have a life long friend that totally supports me and I would check myself into a hospital.
I really need some help with this. Please comment, ask questions.
Dash

[AAAAA]

Wow, I know that dealing with the family and friends of a partner is never easy. I cannot imagine taking the word of my friend over my partner. Was Karen feeling insecure or uncomfortable about your diagnosis before talking with her family and friends? Do you think it is possible that she was uncomfortable with you being so open about your disorder with her friends? And what field of work are C and N in that they knew based upon your medications what your disorder is?

You don't know what Karen told her friends, is it possible that she wanted to break off this relationship before they came to town and used her friends as an excuse? The "yes I will be careful" does not make sense unless these other women were aware of Karen's desire to end your relationship and were concerned about your reaction.

[Agape4us]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

Wow, I know that dealing with the family and friends of a partner is never easy. I cannot imagine taking the word of my friend over my partner. Was Karen feeling insecure or uncomfortable about your diagnosis before talking with her family and friends? Do you think it is possible that she was uncomfortable with you being so open about your disorder with her friends? And what field of work are C and N in that they knew based upon your medications what your disorder is?

You don't know what Karen told her friends, is it possible that she wanted to break off this relationship before they came to town and used her friends as an excuse? The "yes I will be careful" does not make sense unless these other women were aware of Karen's desire to end your relationship and were concerned about your reaction.

N is disabled, has PTSD, and injured on the job. N also lives in apartments for the disabled. I really appreciate your feedback. I suspect that Karen wants to end the relationship. I can only imagine that living with someone who doesn't work, struggles with that fact, takes medications to stay in balance, but becomes unglued at times can be challenging. Hurts my already wounded ego...
Dash

[AAAAA]

I really did not intend to hurt your feelings. Any relationship is challanging. I think it's all about give and take. My husband and I were just discussing different decisions that we've made along the way that at first glance we'd change. But if we had not experienced the hard times our marriage would never have grown as strong as it is today. We wouldn't appreciate each other nearly as much.

I know that this is a very difficult time for you, but if Karen was not able to see beyond the problems to see the person you are inside, she's not worth it. My husband deals with these issues on a daily basis too. I am bipolar as well. I have been unable to work for the last several years. I understand you not wanting to apply for SSI. The money would definately be helpful, but it is like giving up on myself and admitting defeat. Not to mention the thought of dealing with government red tape is enough to bring on a full-blown anxiety attack in itself.

I do hope you find a partner that is worthy of you.

[Agape4us]

Thanks for the feedback. I agree that a relationship is give and take. And you did not hurt my feelings. I am glad that you have been successful in your marriage.
Yesterday I email Karen two short pages from this site on bipolar. She called me late last night to say she was sorry about getting mad at me. Karen was totally impressed with the information on bipolar and has ordered the book "Bipolar for Dummies". So I feel hopeful today. Thank you again for responding to me.

[enchanted]

Hey im so sorry this has happened to you, thoes girls sound very judgemental, when we are in a relationship with some one we are ment to give our love and support to each other and trust should be strong, i cant imagine taking the word of a friend over that of my partner, she sounds a little confused, im glad you posted some information about your condition to your partner, hopefuly she will be more understanding of how you are feeling now.
I think thats great you have decided to take the slternative path in dealing with this, i have heard so much bad feedback from meds and if these are working for you and no side effects that is amazing, hopefully theses methods of healing will become more popular and we wont have to rely on drugs to help us heal
Thanks for letting us in and for the interesting information.
Take care of yourself, i realy hope things improve for you.
Any time you want to talk im always here