[Mary73]

We've been married less than a year but had lived together for about 3 years before our marriage. I've asked him to leave about 12 times because he purposely agitates my rapid cycling bipolar. Last night, I am not even sure what I did wrong, he went in the other bedroom to sleep. Not only did he lock me out but he put a damn dresser in front of the door so that I could not get in. This hurt and angered me so bad that I went out and keyed large slashes on the passengers side of his car. All I can do today is cry. He has physically and mentally abused me and I guess I just could not take anymore abuse. I wanted the message to get across that things have to end. To let him go is not easy but it should be as much damage as he has caused me physically and emotionally. It's hard enough having a mental illness and then having the person you are married to it go out of there way to provoke mood swings. I just need help today. I just need to know someone cares. I'm so depressed...shaking...anxious. I'm in bed and feel like I can't move.

Hi Mary73 - first things first

It sounds like you're mentally and physically exhausted. Are you able to actually get away from your husband at the moment? Are their friends or even family you could stay with? I worry that if you stay in an environment with someone who is so unsupportive and immature you could end up retaliating in a more extreme way. Who is supporting you at this time? Do you have a therapist? If you are on meds do you feel the amount might need adjusting?

As for dealing with your husband, i would state outright in as calm and concise a manner that him being near you at the moment is proving damaging for the pair of you and that if he won't leave you're prepared to take action instead (whether this be staying elsewhere for a bit or looking at a more long term solution). What if anything is your husband doing to support you? I understand that living with someone whose experiencing mental illness can be tough but this man is your husband, its not as if he's said to you he needs to take a break because he too is finding it exhausting - instead he's acting like a child who shows little concern for either you or your feelings.

I think removing yourself from the situation for a bit is the best thing to do - when you're away your husband might come to his senses but even if this doesn't happen it will give you a chance to really think about your relationship and how you want to progress from there whether it be moving out permanently or, if your husband agrees, seeking some form of marriage counselling for you both. I can only wish you the best - please remember to take care of you during this time, we are all here to lend an ear and even if you just want to vent be assured that this is a safe place to do so.

[Leed]

Oh boy. I hope your husband isn't PHYSICALLY abusive, because if he is, you're going to get a real beating! You shouldn't have done that sweetie. Does he have a newer car? I hope not for your sake.

I know you're frustrated and hurt, honey. I do understand. And I know ALL about emotional and mental abuse. I was abused like that for 26 years, so I'm no stranger to that. But it could be that your husband doesn't understand your disease well enough to know WHAT upsets you or HOW things upset you. Perhaps he's trying to help but instead he makes things worse. He just might not know what to do. He's not a mind-reader.

Do you think that the two of you could talk to your therapist or perhaps a couples counselor? Something needs to be done before your marriage breaks up. You need to at least TRY EVERYTHING so you can say that at least you did your very best to save the marriage. Don't give up. And apologize ALOT for what you did to his car!!! Tell him you didn't mean to do it, but you were in a rage.

I wish you the very best sweetie. God bless you and please let us know what happens, will you? I hope you do. Hugs, Lee

[RomanSunburn]

I'd like to know a little bit more about the whole situation... What does he do to cause your mood swings? Is it specific actions that you can pin down? I definitely agree that you need to decide what you want out of this marriage... a divorce or to save it. And then determine your actions accordingly. If you truly want the relationship to end, then look into staying with friends or relatives, or even a hotel. If you want to save it, then you should try to get into couples counseling. If he seems reluctant to go, like "It's not MY problem" type deal, then say it's for your benefit, and it would help you if he went with you.

Personally, I'm a little concerned that he felt the need to lock the door and put a dresser in front of it. Personally, I see that as putting his own life in a bit of danger -- what if there had been a fire or something, would he be able to get out in time? Why would he feel the need to go to that extreme?

I also agree that you should keep working with your therapist and pdoc to get you into as safe a mindset as possible. I hope I didn't come off as harsh, but I'm worried for everyone's safety in this situation. You do need to take care of yourself as your number on priority. I hope things will work out Please take care.

[MyExsWifeIsUgIy]

I'm bipolar ii (it's hard), I can't afford my $300 a month medication so I'm a "high functioning bipolar" but I have mood swings and isolation problems sometimes.

[Mary73]

I'm new with this board and even with forums so I am unsure of how to quotes specific questions or advice. One of the biggest problems is that we are currently living together in my parents basement apartment. So I have felt it so unfair that I should be the one to leave. When I finally did leave a couple of weeks ago he found me and stole my computer and stuff out of my Jeep. He denied that for about 4 days and then finally came through with the truth. But he always has these ploys of getting me to come back to him. Legally, I've been told that easiest way to make him leave is to have my parents evict him which I did today. He has until the end of September to be out of here. I just hate that time span. I'm too afraid I will want him back when It is something that HAS to end. We can't go a week without getting into a major battle. I'm not blaming him for everything. I know my ups and downs are not easy to live with. Which is why I feel like a huge loser that will never be able to be in a relationship. But as some of you suggested, I do need to take care of me. I can't have trying to be a good wife hanging over my head any longer. The weight is too much. I do take medications and have seen a psychiatrist for 6 years now. I am mostly depressed, but in the evenings I've started having a lot of agitation and rage. I am regretful for messing up his car. I've been crying about it all day long...in disbelief that I did that. I feel like apologizing to the entire world for who I am and why I can't seem to function.

[dailyhealing]

Thanks for sharing this on here, and I'm sorry you are in this bad situation. I would encourage you to follow through on your plan to have him leave. And it sounds like you really know this has to end. If you feel the urge to return, come back on here and get support maybe? When I hear things like he stole your computer and then lied about it, on top of being physically abusive at times? That's not okay, I hope you will choose to end the marriage. You deserve much better than that!

I hope to keep hearing from you on here and that things start to improve for you!

Originally Posted by Mary73

I'm new with this board and even with forums so I am unsure of how to quotes specific questions or advice. One of the biggest problems is that we are currently living together in my parents basement apartment. So I have felt it so unfair that I should be the one to leave. When I finally did leave a couple of weeks ago he found me and stole my computer and stuff out of my Jeep. He denied that for about 4 days and then finally came through with the truth. But he always has these ploys of getting me to come back to him. Legally, I've been told that easiest way to make him leave is to have my parents evict him which I did today. He has until the end of September to be out of here. I just hate that time span. I'm too afraid I will want him back when It is something that HAS to end. We can't go a week without getting into a major battle. I'm not blaming him for everything. I know my ups and downs are not easy to live with. Which is why I feel like a huge loser that will never be able to be in a relationship. But as some of you suggested, I do need to take care of me. I can't have trying to be a good wife hanging over my head any longer. The weight is too much. I do take medications and have seen a psychiatrist for 6 years now. I am mostly depressed, but in the evenings I've started having a lot of agitation and rage. I am regretful for messing up his car. I've been crying about it all day long...in disbelief that I did that. I feel like apologizing to the entire world for who I am and why I can't seem to function.

Thanks for providing the additional information - i think you did the right thing by having him evicted. I wasn't sure if you both owned the property you were living in which would have made things trickier. At least once he's gone you'll be able to focus on you and how you want to move forward in life. Thanks for the update and i continue to wish you the very best.

[IamNothing]

I was reminded today to keep my cool at all times. I acted horribly wrong and out of control. Verbally on the phone that just cemented any chance of continuing the relationship. I feel horribly about it. Embarrassed. But she did play her part. She is cold and reminds me of the devil in some ways. She plays the game of love cold and professional. But instead of just cutting my losses, I kept pushing and pulling trying to get her to realize that I didn't mean to hurt her feelings and that she said stuff that she know completely denies. She denies she said it. Can you believe it? She knows what she said to me she just doesnt want to admit it out loud to herself and doesn't want her friends and family to see her in that light. What girl would would admit she pimps herself out to her family a nice and middle class one too. She actually shut up when I made this point... But it doesn't matter. She is a devil in womans disguise. I should have walked away when she started saying hurtful things. In some ways I get a taste of my own medicine. How ironic is that?

The moral of the story ladies and gentlemen is don't lose control. Don't lose yourself. In the end it's not worth it if you can control yourself and yor feelings. But if you can't I guess you gotta go through what you gotta go through to get there. It is a tough road.

Goodnight.

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Mary73

We've been married less than a year but had lived together for about 3 years before our marriage. I've asked him to leave about 12 times because he purposely agitates my rapid cycling bipolar. Last night, I am not even sure what I did wrong, he went in the other bedroom to sleep. Not only did he lock me out but he put a damn dresser in front of the door so that I could not get in. This hurt and angered me so bad that I went out and keyed large slashes on the passengers side of his car. All I can do today is cry. He has physically and mentally abused me and I guess I just could not take anymore abuse. I wanted the message to get across that things have to end. To let him go is not easy but it should be as much damage as he has caused me physically and emotionally. It's hard enough having a mental illness and then having the person you are married to it go out of there way to provoke mood swings. I just need help today. I just need to know someone cares. I'm so depressed...shaking...anxious. I'm in bed and feel like I can't move.

Physically and mentally abusive?... Yea, you did the right thing.... He should be glad that that's all that happened to him... I woulda wrote "D*** Head" all over that car. LOL... I almost choked laughing after i typed that...

On another note, I'm sorry that you are going through this.... Abuse is a lot to handle... Love you more than you love him. If you want the relationship to be over, then end it. Tell him to leave and mean it... If he doesn't leave, then you need to leave.... From one woman to another, I can tell you that if you don't settle, because that's what your doing (settling), you will find someone that will treat you the way that you need/deserve to be treated... Someone can love and accept you and your bipolar... Good luck Sweetie!

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Mary73

I'm new with this board and even with forums so I am unsure of how to quotes specific questions or advice. One of the biggest problems is that we are currently living together in my parents basement apartment. So I have felt it so unfair that I should be the one to leave. When I finally did leave a couple of weeks ago he found me and stole my computer and stuff out of my Jeep. He denied that for about 4 days and then finally came through with the truth. But he always has these ploys of getting me to come back to him. Legally, I've been told that easiest way to make him leave is to have my parents evict him which I did today. He has until the end of September to be out of here. I just hate that time span. I'm too afraid I will want him back when It is something that HAS to end. We can't go a week without getting into a major battle. I'm not blaming him for everything. I know my ups and downs are not easy to live with. Which is why I feel like a huge loser that will never be able to be in a relationship. But as some of you suggested, I do need to take care of me. I can't have trying to be a good wife hanging over my head any longer. The weight is too much. I do take medications and have seen a psychiatrist for 6 years now. I am mostly depressed, but in the evenings I've started having a lot of agitation and rage. I am regretful for messing up his car. I've been crying about it all day long...in disbelief that I did that. I feel like apologizing to the entire world for who I am and why I can't seem to function.

Don't feel bad about the car.... I doubt that he feels bad about putting his hands on you and treating you the way that he does. If you stay in this relationship, you will continue to be hit, continue to be abused, and no things will not get better... You are not thinking clearly when you say that you are afraid of walking away... From the outside looking in, I can tell that your bipolar and depression is weakening your ability to think clearly and rationally. Don't make excuses for him. Love you more than you love him... He's playing games with you when you leave like you did... Ignore the games, walk, and don't look back...

[Trippin2.0]

HOORAY FOR KEYING HIS CAR!!! do NOT feel bad!! I know what its like to be mistaken for a punching bag,and its hard walking away, even when you know he's no good. It took me way too long too walk away, justified it, excused it, lied to myself that it would get better. He just got better at beating me up!! As Irreplacable said, you have to love YOURSELF MORE than you love him. Put YOURSELF 1st! Stick with us, we'll remind you why you DESERVE HAPPINESS AND LOVE instead of abuse!