Sorry, I need to vent a bit

My ex-husband texted me Saturday. Like an idiot, I responded. He said he was at a bachelor party, and he and an old friend of mine were talking about me (fondly - he said). It turned into a conversation that got weird.

He said he wished I was there with him, and that we'd have a good time. I asked him why he thought that, and he said "don't make me say it".

I was married to him. We were married almost 11 years, and I left him due to neglect. He's remarried and has a baby girl, BTW. He got married within a year after our divorce...

Usually, I bring up the wife and ask how they are doing. It's always "Great!"

This time, I didn't bring up the wife, but she is always on my mind when he texts. Because I know she doesn't know...

So he asks if I'm dating (we've been divorced nearly 5 years), and I said no.

He said he was at a strip joint, and I mentioned I'd been to one a few times since our demise. He asked why didn't I ever go with him and responded - you never asked!!! He says, Seriously wish you were here. And I told him to enjoy the view, and he says I always wanted one more chance to have an honest conversation. And then he says he'd like to hang out soon.

Haven't heard from him since. Not surprised. He was high and drunk, and constantly texting. From a strip joint.

I have no regrets. I don't. Having dating the men I have, and now hearing that from him puts my faith a little less into finding a good man to be with me.

Because it doesn't mean anything. Nor do I... and I think that's what hurts the most. I shouldn't be so hurt, but I am. I know I'm lumping men into one category that I shouldn't; I am so tired of being treated like nothing. Why do I keep finding these jerks? And what does that say about ME???

Who I really feel bad for are his wife and kid. They have no idea. And that makes me feel even worse. They don't deserve this... Whether they know it or not...

if you don't have children with this man than there's no good reason to be speaking with him. you're enabling him by responding. please don't respond next time--just come here and post what he's texted to you instead and don't participate in a convo with him. it's not good for you, either, to be communicating with him and it's definitely not good for his current wife and child. sorry if this sounds harsh but please cut ties with him. it's best for everyone involved. I'm wishing you strength! take care!

(((LookingforCalm)))

Suki made an excellent point, imo. If you don't have children with your ex, you are a very lucky woman. Count your blessings and step away from him completely. There isn't any reason to text one another or talk on the phone. Don't enable him to cause further damage to you and other relationships that he has.

Regarding your lack of faith in ever finding a decent man worthy of your love and attention...have you worked through your emotions in therapy? If you've yet to mourn the end of your marriage, and you're still seeking his true love, than it doesn't sound as though you are ready to have another romantic relationship. Those emotions do need to be worked through, and you can also work on developing healthy relationships to hopefully avoid more heartache in the future.

I wish you the best!

Hi LookingforCalm - Your ex doesn't sound particularly happy; texting to suggest he still loves you when he is high/drunk in a strip club speaks for itself. Im just thankful you are not the woman with his child in this situation - it sounds like he doesn't deserve either their love nor yours. If you do feel that his new wife and child don't deserve such treatment, i agree with the first responder in that it is better for you to cease all contact with him - what good does it do you, him or his family? It is also wise to not risk having his current wife find out about such contact and end up assuming the worse. There is after all a child involved - someone who is defenceless and shouldn't be dragged into such a mess. Regardless of whether your ex meant what he said, how do you actually feel about him? If you are struggling to come to terms with the relationship ending and are having difficulty meeting new people because of it i would suggest therapy - bad relationships affect our self worth and self esteem terribly which in turn can cause similar relationships again and again until we learn to relate to ourselves better. I hope your situation improves. All the best.