Who pays for dates (men or women)?

My basic rule of thumb is, the person who asked the other for a date should pay, or suggest going dutch. However, if the person being asked wants to volunteer to pay, then that is fine, too.

Sounds like my ex and I also, haha. I always insisted on paying and that girl tried her best to pay for anything she could.

I am young, but I still live in the "old-fashioned" days I guess. Money isn't a big deal to me. I don't have a ton of it, but at the same time I won't go out with someone unless I have enough money to pay for both of us. Whenever I have dated I have had enough money to pay for the girlfriends I was with. It's really a pride thing for me, I guess it is my way of being "manly" or a "gentleman". I wasn't necessarily raised like that, but it's a trait I learned and just can't stray from it. I hate having someone I am dating pay for anything. In fact, I have been to the grocery store with an ex before and when we got to the check-out lane I surprised her and paid for the whole thing. I think it made her feel uncomfortable but it's just who I am.

Anyways, it depends on the people and the relationship. If you are with a guy that insists on paying, let him. If I say I have the money to pay then I do and I will insist on paying. If someone is willing to pay, then I would let them. It might just be in their nature. If you feel uncomfortable then you could always have a sit-down and tell them that you would prefer to pay for some of the meals. As long as he is happy paying and you don't mind him paying then I wouldn't worry. Obviously there isn't a set rule.

I believe men should pay...treat the lady as a lady, open the door for her, help her be seated etc, though my insecurities and lack of trust that a date is just a date nothing more untill both parties want it to never once let me allow the man to pay for me. I insist in paying in full unless it is really expensive then i suggest we go dutch and each pay towards it, not that i have been on many dates before and have always been very independent financially.

I have pretty limited dating experience. However:
If the first date is for coffee or drinks, I show up a few minutes early and buy my own. If things are going well and he offers a second round, I accept.
If the date is for lunch or dinner, I make sure it is a restaurant I can afford (just in case) but honestly expect him to offer. Second date you should offer. Once you start dating someone regularly you should talk about expectations, but often at that point you take turns picking up the tab.

Interesting note: Studies have been done, and if "the check dance" is done at the end of the meal, the guy is 80 times more likely to consider a second date. "The check dance" is when the check comes, both people are expected to reach for it, the woman says something like "would you like me to get this" and the man says "No, I'll get it" then the woman demurs politely and smiles. According to the studies men say that if the woman does not reach for the check they feel used, and if a woman insists on paying than they feel like she is not interested.

I do find it impressive when the man pays for my food/dinner on the first date. One of them said "Go to the desk and go get your coffee" - that was ... sort of shocking(?).. on the first date. He also vented about his "pretty xgf of 7 years" (I wasn't impressed with him at all).

Dancer, yes once I offered to pay bc there was no way I would have a 2nd date with him. I don't know why he only ordered a salad anyway it wasn't that much

This isn't first dates but my fiance's sister and her BF split 50/50 everytime. My guy pays for our dinners, and I pay the tip, but I pay full on his birthday.

Being treated "like a lady" sounds nice, but it's part of the reason society still doesn't quite see women as equals. Doing all this stuff for her implies that she can't open her own door, needs protection, and it's a man's job to take care of her. I believe in equality. Women should be paid the same as men for the same quality of work, a woman's ideas and thoughts should be respected the same as a man's. Women who do what's traditionally been thought of as "man's work" should be treated fairly and equally, and vice-versa.

Having said that, I'm not saying it's wrong to let a man do those things for you; my problem is when it's expected or if the guy is clearly trying to keep the woman beneath him. Most men are not like that. But women still have to fight for equality in some arenas.

I grew up when men always paid, but in this age I think whoever makes the invitation for the date should pick up the tab in most situations.

In a long-term relationship, they should probably take turns, unless there is a significant disparity in incomes.

Thank you so much. For me, it's really just the way it should be and I never understood the logic behind men that actually think that way. It's just so disrespectful to women and makes it harder for men that actually are looking for a real companion to get dates!

I honestly don't even think that deep about it. I'm old fashioned and enjoy being the one to take care of the tab regardless of her income in comparison to mine.

In addition to this, I must say that if there have to be rules, count me out of the game because I don't think there are any valid ones that would work in every situation. I think that it's all individual choice and between the man and woman on the date.

Besides, if you dont' know, you should be comfortable enough to be able to ask where they stand on this issue or maybe you're not at the point of being ready to date anyway?

I don't believe that it implies any of that at all. I like taking care of a lady in these ways but in no way says that she is less than me! Just because I open her door isn't saying she can't do it for herself but that women are precious treasures and should be showered with love, respect and gifts, whether in action or with material things. That doesn't mean I'm better but just the way I am.

Ha! we should play when I get it -- that is if you have the PS3 version, of course

I didn't mean to say that men who do those things don't think women can't do it for themselves. I apologize; I sometimes get into a subject and get stuck on a point. What I meant was, that's what I learned from feminists (of which I'm one, but you might be surprised at that if you were to meet me, because I don't always agree with the loudest feminists on how to achieve equality, and I certainly don't hate men--for that matter, I don't think most feminists hate men, but sometimes it comes across that way) throughout my life. That's what they've said or how they explained it. I like a guy to do things like hold my door, although I'm a bit uncomfortable with it, since I grew up not expecting guys to do that. When I was young, I dated older guys, guys who grew up in an era where the man holds the door and stuff. I feel a little funny standing by the door, waiting for the guy to open it and then close it after I'm in, and then he runs around the car to the driver's side. It's nice, but not something I'm used to. I hope I came across a little more clearly that time. See? I hug you:

before I got married I'd let the guy pay for our meal but then I 'd pay for our entertainment (movie, bowling, golf etc..) UNLESS he was adamant that he pay. Went out with a few guys that seemed truly horrified that I thought I was paying for anything. now that I'm married hubby and I take turns treating each other.

Well thank you for that clarification. Though mostly I didn't want to come off as someone that thinks those things (that women are lesser in some way) *hugs back*

My boyfriend doesn't have a job.
I'm happy to always pay for everything his clothes, dates,
Etc.. But I kinda regret it now because now he's been saying I disrespect him
And just making me upset all the time.
You should really think when you're paying and when not.
People later on take advantage or are very ungrateful

360 version, I'm afraid.

Karlam1991, I don't know all the details of your relationship, but usually, if one person is paying for everything and the other seems to be taking advantage and claims to feel disrespected, he's probably the one being disrespectful. Tell him you feel disrespected when he doesn't share in the costs of everything. If he balks and says he can't find a job (is he looking?), tell him that's not your fault, and doesn't give him the right to criticize you because you pay.

I did not read all pages so sry if my answer is a little off .

As a man I like to pay for the 1st date .. on the 2nd if the girl insists I let her pay .But usually I enjoy paying ,I like to take care of my gf .I have some friends that said they want a girl that will provide for them . I dont agree with that at all .
I do like to see a girl trying to pay , or reaching for the tab .. but unless she really insists I dont like to let her pay ... maybe i would say something like : You can get the next one if you would like to go out again

And regarding your thought on ""I can t invite him over for dinner cause he thinks about sex .. ""you are probably right , I would think about that if a girl would invite me at her home for dinner ..

But then ( i dont know about other men ) im not stupid .. if you just want to invite me over your home for dinner .. and you accentuate that its only for dinner I ll get it .

yeah, no. I'm one of the "other" men. I would think a woman wanted to have me over for dinner, and that's as far as that thought would go. She'd have to give sexual signals other than inviting me to her home for dinner to make me think that. Maybe I'm strange but I hope not o.O

Sorry to hear that O.O lol jk.

I dont think you are strange but it depends also on the woman .. the tone of her voice when she invites you , blabla

Ok. I gotcha