Is it ok not to be with your family on christmas?

I really really do NOT feel like celebrating christmas with my family this year and the mere thought of it is making my stomach turn.
I thought about just celebrating with my boyfriend this year or even going away togehter.
However, I feel like that´s not "okay" because it´s sort of tradition.

I know it´s my life and I´m allowed to decide over it.... still...

How can I feel ok about it?

never choose tradition in spite of your own well being. If it's so bad that it turns your stomach, I say screw tradition. Make your own new traditions with your bf! AFter all, he's kind of your family now, though just not hitched permanently yet right?

This needs some background. I had a very strong tradition in my family growing up. Every year mostly the same people only changing with new SOs and children popping up. when I met my ex, I moved away from them not only to move to where her family was but away from mine. Although my ex and I parted ways one thing good came out of it aside from my boys - that is it took me away from them and I haven't spent a Christmas with them in 1.5 decades. yes it was hard sometimes at first but it was just missing the tradition, not the family so much.

It's not a bad thing, and if it's only a temporary thing, like "this year" that even lessens the guilt you should have to bear.

If your family is toxic, and all they do is argue and it ends up in chaos, I say either go away or have your own "tradition" at home. Why put yourself thru that horror? Why make yourself sick? Why have memories of fights and chaos? That's not what I call a "holiday."

Sometimes families are best to stay away from. Sometimes they do us more harm than good. You shouldn't feel guilty if you come from one of "them." You're taking care of your mental health if you steer clear of them. So forget the guilt and have a Happy Holiday of your own.

God bless and Merry Christmas and Happy New year! God bless. Hugs, Lee

If you have the ability to do this I say enjoy your holiday with someone who cares for you...not someone who is "family" and causes you pain. There is nothing to feel guilty about. I did this over thanksgiving and it felt great!!! No drama.. Just peace.. With my son and I.

Every tradition in existence started from one happenstance action. They only become tradition because they are repeated. You're looking at a stellar opportunity to start your own tradition.

If your family situation is such that spending time with them is a bad thing for you, I'd tell you that you need to do what it takes to make you happy, precluding the possibility of some sort of reconciliation. Don't worry about tradition. Worry about having a merry Christmas.

the role of a family is not to hold you back or make you feel guilty for wanting to spend Christmas with your boyfriend, it is to support you in everything you do. if yours can not handle that then it is their problem not yours. tradition is only tradition as long as you let it be.
i have not spent Christmas with my 'family' (i cringe using that word because mine are far from a loving family) since i was 19 when i realised my lot were detrimental to my well being! ok it did feel strange the first few years but it gets easier, even now since my partner died i still opt for Christmas alone rather than with that lot. I do not have any problems with it, it is me looking out for my well being and putting myself first rather than pushing myself to the back of the queue and bottling up the resentment.
At the end of the day only you can decide what you want to do for Christmas, but please do what you feel is right for YOU not what is right for anyone else.

I want to elaborate on Yellow's reply. This is true. Once you leave home and especially when you have your own SO, the role of the family should change. Whether you believe in the bible or not, this statement rings true in life: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. " Although this reference is to marriage itself, it is true of any relationship that is intended to be long term and with a loving partner. Indeed being in a gf/bf relationship is many times a precursor to marriage anyway. So when you leave your family you're to become independent and your SO should be first in everything then the extended family.

I'm sure I've rambled long enough. Hope this helps. *hugs*

My parents are overbearing, and annoying to be around quite a lot. My father is a bully, and my mum drinks like a fish at Xmas to have her own fun time. They are not fun to be with, esp as I don't really drink anymore so I can't blot it out!

After 35 years of every Christmas with them, I decided with two weeks notice not to go. My brother was in the middle of chemo, he was tired, emotional, and I'd been supporting him. I'd spent all my spare time with him, as well as work an 60 hour week and I badly needed some time out - I didn't want to drive 200 miles, and plaster a smile on my face, while putting up with all their issues.

So I spent an Xmas day on my own. My friends, bless them invited me, but I said no to everyone. I read a really good book, ate what I liked, watched Doc Who Xmas special, lol, and it was the best Christmas in my adult years! The fact my mother did not speak to me for 2 weeks, sulking because I had not gone, without even asking my reasons, nor caring enough, just reaffirmed that I knew it was the best decision I made. I went to their house the year after, had a really bad time, and have never been there again for Xmas.

Apparently I have ruined xmas for ever more, so my father told me. (Even though my 3 older brothers do not go to see them, they are forgiven, and its all on my shoulders to make them happy). Every time they say something like this, I know I have made the right decision. Its all about them, and nothing about my wishes or feelings.

I'd say have Christmas to yourselves. If its hard, for any reason, or even if you just simply want a year off, then do it. Please dont do what I did, going year after year through guilt and a sense of duty, and make it harder for the future to do what you want to do.

Sorry for the higgledy piggledy writing, just got in from a concert and very tired. x

Time. This will be my first christmas away from home completely (even last year I went out for a couple days because my gran is sick) and I know that it won't be easy but it will be far less stressful and mentally taxing than last year was.

Spending the holiday with your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful idea. Start your own traditions!! I plan on having christmas dinner at a friend's place and spending christmas day at the movie theater watching whatever I can.

Value your opinion, your own OK- not someone else's

Yes, it is okay. I had to cut off all of my family besides my parents and brother (and his family). If your family is toxic, then staying away for your health is much more preferred.