I feel like I'm awkward and strange in all social situations..

I've always had anxiety and had problems with self-esteem. I'm thinking this is just a side effect of those but I'd like to see if anyone can relate to this and if there's any kind of remedy for it.

So basically I feel like I fail horribly at social interaction. The best way I can start to describe it is that I feel as though I wasn't taught proper manners and social interaction rules as a child. But then when I say that, I feel bad because it can't possibly be my parents fault! Who would raise their child to be socially inadequate?!

Here are some common things I experience:

- I constantly feel like I have to *monitor* where I'm looking.. the thought process in my head kind of goes "uh oh.. am I glancing too much in that direction? What if someone over there thinks I'm staring at them?" I don't seem to know what type of looking is appropriate :S

- I'm scared that sometimes the things I blurt out are inappropriate and I feel like I can sense people's disapproval by their body language/exchanging glances with others/etc.

- When around kids, I don't know if I should give them attention when they come up to me and how nice I should be to them. I am dating a man with a kid and when we're around other parents and kids it seems like they don't acknowledge the kids as much as I feel compelled to. :S Then I think "what if they think it's weird that I talk and interact with the kids too?"

- Wonder if what I talk about/bring up is weird or boring to other people. I constantly get jealous of my boyfriend having in depth conversations with my friends and then feel as though he doesn't think my conversations are as important or valuable as theirs.

This is just a few examples but I just wanted to give an example of some of the things I experience. It doesn't affect my ability to go out - I can still go out in public and go to social events, but as I'm there I usually have these worries in my head throughout the entire event. And then, my thoughts will linger on the event and what I may have done or said wrong for days after!

Can someone tell me what is wrong with me? I feel like someone who just crawled out from under a rock sometimes..

Can we talk about evidence? Has anyone ever said anything? Discontinued friendship with you? Have you had occasions when you friends have been invited to a party but you haven't? Let us discuss more objective evidence.

Perhaps best to avoid thinking you have to criticize what you are doing and feeling; try being gentle with yourself. Today I was in a customer's store and they were giving out "inspirational" calendars for 2013. One month stuck with me as I could also give myself a break from time to time; The quote from Seneca, "What you think of yourself is more important than what others think of you". No rule says you have to act or perform according to what others would expect or want to hear. You are you, not like anyone else, and no one will ever be like you again. Some might criticize rivers because they don't flow in straight lines, or the stars because they are scattered on the night sky instead of an orderly design. Enjoy yourself. If they are lucky, perhaps others will get to enjoy you as well. Your head feels better when you stop beating it against the wall. With the symphony going on around our senses, how do we not relish the music of the world around us?

Well people have said I'm "strange/quirky" sometimes. My boyfriend says I'm weird but he doesn't say it in a totally bad way. I haven't had people discontinue friendship with me or had occasions where I've been left out of parties or anything though. That's why I think it may be just in my head or else people just don't react to it.

You are probably overthinking. The evidence seems to be thin.

Sometimes we just have to be a bit proud of who we are, with all the quirkiness. I wouldn't want everyone to be normal and boring. I know it's hard sometimes to carry yourself with that security but it's not impossible. Other people do it all the time... especially those I find annoying and other people find charming.... So you have the right to take up some space.

About the self monitoring I know from my own behavior. Now I don't have social anxiety but I don't run smoothly with social norms. I'm just learning it's a nice thing to ask people things back. When they throw me the ball and ask things about me I just babble because I'm happy they chose a topic I'm not unfamiliar with. So I'm practicing on asking people things, as awkward as it might feel. I feel am I prying? Am I on the right level? I have absolutely no idea and I can't tell if I annoy someone because if you're seen as rude it's not like they are going to tell you. They will just smile or frown or whatever they do... if you're doing it right as well as doing it wrong. But at least I hope I don't come across as self centered.

The social game is not an easy one. It's easy to overthink, and not cut yourself some slack, like you have to be a perfectionist about it. But at the same time, lets face it, we don't all have the same social smoothness. If I just let go and do it my way, I will come across as weird, so I only do it with my friend really. I really always have a problem with what is socially acceptable. I can do the identical thing and it's not fine, and someone else can do it and it's fine. I totally lack that fine tuning.

But the most important thing is that you have the right to be there, to talk, to exist. Same as everyone else. And no, everyone is not going to like you, there is not a single person who is liked by everyone. It might be hard to hear but no matter how perfect you try to be, someone will always think you're bad some way or the other. That is OK. It can't be the end of the world.

And if you are quirky there are always people who will prefer you that way.

I think you're right about it being a side-effect of self esteem.
I do think that trying to improve your confidence is the key. Everything is easier with a little bit of confidence and I truly believe that things like feeling socially awkward will lessen when you start to like you for who you are. I bet there's a lot to like too.

Hugs

This is very common with me, in certain situations where I am forced to sit, stand or wait for something longer than normal with others around I am constantly wondering where to look and whether i'm looking at someone too long ,then I look away and think that I must not stare out the window people will think i'm weird since there's nothing there... and a host of other thoughts I will ruminate about.

I am always worried about saying the wrong things suddenly and embarrassing myself. I feel like sometimes the wrong things come flying out of my mouth and I'm, like you say disapproved of by people. It has happened where i've said things like that and it's like what comes out of my mouth doesn't fit in with the conversation or the situation which exacerbates my worried thinking.

With kids I always worry both that I'm either not supposed to interact or that I'm going to be found as rude if I don't. It's a catch 22. When I do smile or say something to them it's very awkward in the moments following, I feel like I'm being looked at weird.

This one is a hard one to not generalize because most people have this problem from time to time. It may be that it's just exaggerated in you, and I feel that way too. Most times I don't start conversations at all for fear of this.

In addition, these things don't necessarily happen to me with people that are strangers, just more so. I can feel the same worries and awkwardness around people i know, given the right circumstances. Someone I know and talk to normally could find themselves looking at me wondering why I have become mute and/or am acting nervous around them. I am not sure what brings it on in those situations.

It affects my social life. I do go out and get things done when necessary. I do go and I will speak up and get through situations where I know what is expected of me, like buying some food at a restaurant, shopping in a store, and even if I work a customer service role somewhere. I know exactly what i'm supposed to do but then, I switch to the awkward person as soon as I step out from behind the counter, even to people I normally might deal with safely behind the counter!

I dont' think it's as simple as self esteem, this isn't just about how confident you are in yourself but it's more than that, it's an understanding of social norms and being able to interpret social cues in an accurate manner. I definitely think that it's something you should look into and talk to a T or dr about if it affects your life in an intrusive way.

You are not alone in this and it is indeed a very real challenge. I read your post and was like OMG that's exactly like me!

Hope this helps *hugs*

Thank you everyone for your words it is nice to read that I'm not the only one who fears this stuff. I'm going to be seeing a therapist again soon regarding anxiety and self-esteem issues so I'll be sure to bring these things up as well.

I have had people tell me that my quirkiness is what they love about me and that does make me feel good inside to know that who I truly am and who I was meant to be is loved by some. It's just when I get those weird glances or silences where I start to doubt myself. I'm hoping one day I will be so confident in myself that I won't even notice any negative responses

Believe me you're not the only one...people tend to scare me i don't know why, I find it very difficult to interact with people.
If I don't have a friend or a family member with me, I don't go anywhere. I'm scared to be left alone in a party and everyone would start to make fun of me.
I gotta remember not to let fear take over me though
And with the kids situation I love kids it's always good to talk to them
If you ignore them it will affect them while they will grow up feeling afraid to go up to talk to someone they will feel unimportant.. Kids are as important as anyone else

I would say try to remember (I know it's hard!) that funny looks etc. is a result of people caught up in their own drama. Since you don't get left out of parties or anything there's probably not much reason for concern. I've found that if you don't look at one thing for too long- i.e look at a person's entire face instead of just their mouth or eyes-helps a little.