[hamster-bamster]

I have been on two restaurant dates with a guy who sounds like a good prospect. I am not attracted, but it is OK - I respect him a lot and I am not physically repulsed and that is enough for me. I am leaving for Christmas and will email him when I am back, and then what? What do people do on subsequent dates - activities together, or what? What is the expected progression on, say, dates 3 - 5, if there are certain rules in this area?

[Inedible]

Some sort of physical activity, maybe. Bowling, skating, fishing, hiking. I don't know what is convenient or seasonal, but it can't always be a meal and a movie isn't good to get to know someone. Even just going for drinks is good. Or coffee. For a date, though, I might suggest something different.

[Vergil]

I would probably do some activity were you could both participate, were you would have to collaborate just to see how he would react with others and you, of course.You know, to see how you work together. Maybe something like a row boat were you both would have to operate.

I don't know much about the dating scene though, so I don't know if there are any rules. What I said is just my two cents take it or leave it

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I have been on two restaurant dates with a guy who sounds like a good prospect. I am not attracted, but it is OK - I respect him a lot and I am not physically repulsed and that is enough for me. I am leaving for Christmas and will email him when I am back, and then what? What do people do on subsequent dates - activities together, or what? What is the expected progression on, say, dates 3 - 5, if there are certain rules in this area?

First, I am not sure how you'll take this but are you sure you want to consider continuing to date someone that's not attractive to you? I mean to be honest, that's one very important factor in an on-going romantic relationship. Maybe you mean he's attractive to you just not in a physical way? Which still leaves a lot to be desired, how would you be intimate with someone long term that doesn't "turn you on" physically? I know this wasn't the point of your post but I just wanted to say that because it sounds like you're settling for something and there are plenty of fish out there still, many of which you could be attracted to, get along with and have fun all at the same time. Just something to think about

It's kind of a tough question in that it depends on the people, for what they do in subsequent dates. I think it will come in time, as you get to know someone you'll find common ground and things to enjoy together. I think in the beginning though, the typical dinner, movie and such is ok for the first few dates. I'm sure you'll come up with things as time goes on and you continue to date though. I wouldn't think too hard on it, it's not like anything written in stone as to what is right or wrong in dating. Kind of gotta go with what's ok with the both of you.

I don't know if I've helped, but I hope so.

[RomanSunburn]

I fully support ice skating and then a coffee shop for warm beverages afterwards.

Sorry if this is an awkward question... Do you think your not feel attracted to him has to do with the meds your on? Meaning, do you find others attractive or is the problem only with this man? Or maybe this is a case where the more you get to know him the better looking he gets?

Just remember there's two of you in this equation, and if you aren't feeling it, then maybe it's not best to lead him on. But then, there's no harm in getting to know him first to make sure...

Good luck and have fun whatever you choose!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

I fully support ice skating and then a coffee shop for warm beverages afterwards.

Sorry if this is an awkward question... Do you think your not feel attracted to him has to do with the meds your on? Meaning, do you find others attractive or is the problem only with this man? Or maybe this is a case where the more you get to know him the better looking he gets?

Just remember there's two of you in this equation, and if you aren't feeling it, then maybe it's not best to lead him on. But then, there's no harm in getting to know him first to make sure...

Good luck and have fun whatever you choose!

Indeed I have no sex drive and this could be due to Topamax which I dropped two days ago so hopefully in January when I am back from my trip I will be good to go.

I find his facial features attractive in an objective sense, although they do not turn me on, but I really do not want to be a "slave" of my medication-induced lack of desire. I also find him too heavy in the belly area but I hope to overcome this sort of aversion. I respect him a lot and I find his pattern of handling relationships (he "converts" all past romantic r/s into friendships, each and all) extremely attractive in its own right. I have never dated anyone with this sort of a "resume". I am very enthusiastic about him and I do not want to "drop this idea" just because I am not particularly attractive.

Also, I would not trust my attractions because in the past they led to disastrous choices. So I would rather go with respect this time than with attractions.

Lastly, I surprised myself by all of a sudden lightly kissing him on the lips at the end of our second date (NOT French kissing, no) and I really liked the sensation. So, there is SOME attraction. And, he said "oh thank you" which I found to be ueber-polite.

Lastly, my existing sexual partner (this date is polyamorous so multiple partners are OK) was just OK and nothing more in the beginning but after a month I grew somewhat attracted to him (sexual problems notwithstanding) and look forward to our reuniting after he and I come back from our respective trips in January. During the time we have dated, he has read every single email or draft of an email to/from each of my three kids who all live separately from me, has provided feedback, and overall has been wonderfully emotionally supported and I appreciate it. But I still find my viciously abusive ex 2nd husband more sexually attractive. So, the mechanism by which I am attracted to people is just wrong, wrong, wrong and I have decided to distrust it and instead appreciate people for their impressive qualities of character. Makes sense?