Once bitten, twice shy

Hey, I totalliy agree with LMO...It's NOT you!!!!
My opinion is that it's more likely to meet losers on the Internet...seriously, I truly feel this. But, yes, you might, just might, also meet a great guy. You just have to remember who you are, be selective, PICKY! picky, picky, and don't acommodate men who are unworthy of you!
Pattyi

I'm really glad you started this thread. I joined a local online dating thing but haven't met any of the guys yet. One guy wanted to meet for coffee because he's also in recovery and when I said I'd decided I'd have to talk with guys online for awhile before I'd meet them, he still kept pushing and gave me his e-mail addresss. I said maybe we could meet at a meeting sometime. If he's that into recovery, he should jump on that. He agreed but I'm still weirded out about the whole thing. Not sure I want to meet someone irl from this site. I've been talking to a guy online from Maryland for 9 years now...we decided that when we're 40, if we haven't met anyone yet, we'll get married and move to Europe. That'll be in 2018. Countdown is on....haha.

Rayna, follow your instincts on this one. Better to keep yourself safe than worry about hurting someone's feelings.

I've never had to tell someone I was uncomfortable with them, so it was tough, but I sure couldn't keep writing to him being friendly and lead him on that I was interested or anything.

Raynaadi,
I have found most men are in a hurry to meet, and not much interested in corresponding or sharing themselves in that way. Follow your intuition and don't let someone hurry or pressure you to meet or even talk on the phone!
Patty

Patty, I have to admit that sometimes I can be a little impatient with the whole online thing, especially when you finally come across a profile and a face that meets your criteria. So I can understand a bit if a guy wants to meet in a hurry, but they shouldn't rush it if, once you do meet, the woman is obviously uncomfortable. I think the thing that upset me most about this latest meeting was the fact that he was totally oblivious to the fact that I didn't want to get close to him. I was giving all the signals of "stand back" and was even bringing up topics that are known interest killers. LOL And he kept STARING at me when I was talking. Staring and leaning in way too close. It was like he took every strategy known to show interest and increased it to the point of being creepy.

Another thing that annoyed me was when I said I rented a wet suit when we were at a water park and it was really cold. He goes "I wouldn't want to wear someone else's wet suit." When I told him they were dry cleaned after every use, he goes "or at least that's what they want you to believe." Yeah, right, they're going to dry them out, seal them in plastic dry cleaning bags and box them up every time they get used, just to fool customers into believing they're clean. On brother. When I told him I saw them come out of the boxes and bags, he just made a scoffing noise like we were totally being scammed.

We haven't had any substantial rain in weeks and everyone's lawn is looking it. I said "My lawn is really brown right now, but I'm glad to see I'm not the only one." He goes "You need to water it." We haven't had rain in weeks, it's hot and dry, and he suggests I water the lawn. Um, no, I think it's more important to save it for cooking and bathing.

Wi...good for you that you are feeling brave and healthy and not afraid to meet people. I think my more than once bitten and more than twice shy is why I have requested to correspond...instead of meeting quickly. Needless to say, this has ended it for most men!
LOL
Patty

If they can't come up with enough to talk about online, then they sure aren't going to have much to talk about in person, IMO. They just get bored with the talking part and want to move on to the physical part.

There's this one guy who comes up as a perfect match for me every time. I've contacted him. He's replied. We're both interested in getting to know each other, but he's got a hectic weekday life and doesn't reply very often. It might take him 3 or 4 days to get back to me. Drives me bonkers. But he's got all of the things I'm looking for and looks to boot, so I'm being uncharacteristically patient.

remember anything worth while is worth waiting for
Love ya
Angie

That's what I'm hoping for.

remember that i met Bill online. we didn't meet in person for a verrrrrrrrrry long time. he was in Malaysia then........we didn't even talk on the phone for a year. just constant e.mails and the message board. it's been just over five years since he came tromping in and said, "weezilgirl, will you marry me?"...he reminded me of that about two weeks ago......

it can work. i agree that there are lots of weird ones and i sure would avoid the ones that act too physical and say stupid ----. sounds like he didn't realize that you get up just a little bit earlier than he does.....

Pat, I think you and Bill are the exception to the rule.

What the heck? I was just pretty much called a liar by some guy. He sent me a message and I wrote back that he's too far away if he's in Michigan, and that I couldn't even find it in the atlas. He wrote back and said "I'm sure you were not looking in MI for Stephenson. GB is a little over an hour away, and *your town* is just a little south of that." Yes, 45 minutes south. I'm looking for someone within 50 miles, not 150 miles. Dickwad.

West Virginia was a long, long way from Oklahoma........and still is......be patient.........p

p.s. there are LOTS of toads out there.

I just found a profile of an African-American guy in Madison. My god, he is drop-dead gorgeous and his profile is wonderfully well written. I think I found my motivational exercise picture.

I think I've become officially un-shy, at least for the moment.

I haven't been much for sending out ice breakers of my own. I've been waiting around for Mr. Right to show up in my mail box. Well, just how stupid is that? I found another guy in Madison that's a good fit, at least on paper. He even says my little burg isn't all that far away. He was born in England, kind of looks like Sam Neil with dark hair. Ever see him in Merlin?

go for it.......i've met two avid birdwatchers within 7 miles of me...from MySpace.com. i joined their birdwatcher club and have met three more people. talked on the phone to all of them and will go on an outing when i get settled in here.

sense of humour~ it just hit me that how Bill and I hit it off, at once, was our twisted sense of humour. and our mutual obsession with music. try for mutual stuff........remember what you used to do........don't worry about what you did yesterday........

Well, Madison is more like the 100-125 mile range, but I'm becoming more and more open to this distance thing, since the types of guys I'm looking for seem to live in Madison or Milwaukee.

That's excellent that you've already found people locally with something in common. I hope you really do go on an outing with them in spite of any anxiety you might have.

boy, i've really had to fight the anxiety of meeting people here. i ventured out and felt really brave and then just fell right back in to the "i'm afraid" %#@&#!. the job interview went okay, because that is something i have to do. a job. it's worrying about looking and sounding like an idiot that gets me so anxious when i meet new people. or at times, old people.

Pat, from the way you come across in here and on the phone, I have a hard time believing you'd look or sound like an idiot. I think a big part of it is finding the kind of people who don't have the same personality style as we do - two "shy at first, but warm up quickly" types are probably going to bore the pants off of each other (like my "date" yesterday) if there isn't a common interest to draw conversation from.

it is the panic ---- that always paralyzes me. usually it manifests itself in my not even leaving the house. that's how it hits me.

Finding people with same personality style...that's an interesting point, WI....I'm in grad school in Fine Art and have found the most satisfying interactions with fellow students in my classes, just finishing one summer class last week. These were young people! art majors! I loved being around them! Also, at one point I was conversing with a single male painting professor in the elevator about his "Catahoola" dog, and he paused outside the building to talk to me while the dog ran around chasing squirrels. I was so shaken by his desire to talk to me, I excused myself! (He's cute and my age!) I'm thinking maybe I should take a painting class!
But back to you...and meeting men....I say again, give yourself plenty of time and be discerning. 100 miles is not too far if you meet someone worthwhile!
Patty

Oh for crying out loud! Now, I realize I live in Wisconsin and that deer hunting is like a major religious experience for the majority of men up here, but this one guy just sent me an ice breaker and one of his pictures has him sticking his tongue on a dead deer's nose as it's hanging from a tree.

NEXT!!

P.S. Just to shake things up, because I just can't resist, I added this opening paragraph to my profile. How much you wanna bet I'll still get messages from this type of guy saying they read every word of my profile and are intrigued?

"Petite, spiritually-sensitive, art-appreciating, non-Christian, politically-liberal, rarely-drinking woman seeks 6'1"-plus, fat, hairy, beer-chugging, deer-slaughtering, mullet-sporting, #4 jersey-wearing, gay-bashing "man" to teach me how life should really be lived. NOT! "

That is SO funny, WI! I actually laughed out loud when I read that you put that in your profile...! Did you really do that!!!!? Actually, this might attract just the right intelligent funny fella you're seeking!
Love
Patty

Yes Patty, I really did do that. I have no shame. I have to amuse myself SOMEHOW don't I?

I'm hitting it off with the Buddhist from Madison. We're PMing right now.