[dsh74]

What is a person to do when you're married and keep thinking about someone, someone that hasn't been in your life for 3 years?

[Rhapsody]

YOU question why? - and then remember all the good loving qualities you once admired in the man you married.... he is still there, even if he is emotionally away for a while.



LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

[seeker1950]

I think it depends on the nature of your marriage. I married someone I didn't love, just a friend, and stayed in it unhappily for over 20 years. I did the same thing...thinking about someone else during that whole time.
Patty

[dsh74]

I know I'm horrible. But think back about things that took place, some good and some bad, 3 years ago. I almost left my husband for this guy. A lot happened. Was actually used by this man, but still think about him, how is one to get over someone? I know, think of the good qualities of one you're with, but he's hardly ever here!

I know I need to stay strong to keep our family together. Even though our kids are grown, they still need mom & dad to stay together. I still wonder though, and feel so alone, and have needs that aren't met so much of the time. It's hard!

[seeker1950]

If this man about whom you are thinking "used" you in some way, yet you still think about him, why do you think this is happening...the thinking about him? I am not condemning you because I had a similar experience, obsessing about a real user for many years while I was still married.
Patty

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
dsh74 said:
how is one to get over someone? I know, think of the good qualities of one you're with, but he's hardly ever here!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

((((((( HUGS ))))))) - If your husband is not there for you physically or emotionally when you need him then it will tend to leave you open to think of another one, even that of a past love.

Your soul is in need and as an emotionally driven human you are doing what you are programmed to do - to want / need someone..... but in this case please think twice before any thoughts become reality.

If it helps I have been there before..... and 20 years later I am glad that I never came in to my inner thoughts or that false temptation.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[seeker1950]

Gosh, Rhapsody....you have almost written my own history here. I too abstained from succumbing to temptation though I was obsessed with this man while I was married. I'm glad I didn't leave my husband for him, as it would have been a disaster. I've been divorced 9 years now, and look back on the experience during that time as symptoms of an unfulfilled marriage.
Patty

[dsh74]

Oh, those thoughts couldn't turn to reality, I'd be turned down, is what would happen. To not make a fool of myself, I must leave the past alone. But he had led me on, real bad, and that's not nice, but I had gotten hooked. Nothing ever happened physically, but emotionally, on both our parts. He chose his wife, so that's it. I loved him though, is all. And still carry those feelings, at times, other times, hate for him.

Sometimes I just feel that if I just could see him or know what's going on with him, I'd be alright.

It was a tangled mess, is what it was. Kind of a love/hate triangle, but more with four, in a way. Both couples. It was just he and I, that let it be known to each other though.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
dsh74 said:
He chose his wife, so that's it. I loved him though, is all. And still carry those feelings, at times, other times, hate for him.

Sometimes I just feel that if I just could see him or know what's going on with him, I'd be alright.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((( hugs )))) DSH - but those feelings are best left alone..... if you can?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[dsh74]

Will try....I'll get over it, just had been reviewing some things back from that time period, but it will pass. Will make it - ha!

[Rhapsody]

Just make a list of all his CONS and then read it every time that feeling tries to invade your mind and your heart.... Good Luck!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[dsh74]

Thanks for the hugs and help, Rhapsody.

Just to compare with my husband though, this guy, seemed to hear what I had to say, when my husband or others didn't, you know.

So, there are things, lots, husband & I need to work on and probably will till eternity.

[Rhapsody]

Yes, I agree..... we often compare our loved ones to others when they leave us needing.... from them.

I think you just answered your own WHY? - You are really needing and wanting your husband to give unto you, but when he does not, your mind seeks mentally to keep your heart safe from physical temptation.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

P.S.
When is the last time you and your husband talked about any of your upsets or needs? - or had a Date your Mate night?

[dsh74]

Last year we had a weekend away at the coast. Just need more time and money, for such things, which most of us have a lack of, it seems, today.

Maybe another time like that can happen, hopefully before this year is up.

P.S. It was a downer, when we took pictures of us, during that time, then put them on computer, not saving them on a disc, and computer crashed. Was down about that for awhile.

[Rhapsody]

Do as we do when money is low.............. take a walk together at night, eat a picnic lunch together, watch a movie at the $2 theater..... and even make love for fun (smiles) - a great bonding exercise that we can do together and it cost nothing - lol.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

P.S.
I copy all my book files and picture files on to a CD..... try it,

[dsh74]

Hi Rhapsody,
Well I tried to post another one last night after your last one, and they said I needed fifteen posts, to be able to do more than 5 a day. So I'd done my limit already.

Then I wrote another post this morning, and saved it, to post it, when the 24 hours was up, but it got lost.

I wanted to say, it's not just the money with us, but that he's gone too much, delivering vehicles, his job. We've had a lack of time together a lot in our marriage, usually outside circumstances though.

Sounds like you have some nice times. I hope we can have more calm times and relaxing ones, some time in this life.

Anyway, am going to let this do for now, will have more of a chance to write more later and be more into it. Thanks and take care.

[dsh74]

I've just got to live again. I've hidden away for too long, afraid of repeating the same thing, in a way.

I used to have more life, feel better, etc. But I've let myself go, some, put on a few pounds. It's got to stop.

Our son and his wife are moving to be near us, and I know that's going to change some things, I believe, for the better. It's an answer to prayer, to have my kids, especially him closer. They just decided this week.

I wanted to talk about that guy, and about things that happened before, and may need to again, but I've got to live, I can't keep mourning the loss, you know. But I'm sure I'll still have those times again though, of missing, etc.

I've read things recently, have a lot on emails, etc. over the years. About where it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them. Just read it on one today, from my daughter. It can be so true for some people in our lives, can't it? There's just something about it, some people have that effect on us, it can be a good thing, doesn't have to be a bad one.

Well, thanks Rhapsody and Patty, for your input, I really appreciate it. Life's something else, but we can make it, with others to help us along the way, I do believe.

[Sujin]

Hi Dsh,

I didn't see your post until now, and I felt compelled to reply because I know the pain of losing someone and being unable to forget them.

Even though I am in a wonderful relationship now, it took me a long time to let go of my ex. For some reason, he touched me in a way that no one else ever has. Memories were so painful, and if I dwelled on them too much or had an association that reminded me of him, it felt like my heart was breaking all over again. I felt haunted all the time. I say all of this in past tense because I finally feel free. For me, it just took time. He tried to tempt me on several occasions, but I knew what I would have lost (my fiancee) and I would never betray him, or trade what I have with him for anyone else.

For me, it just took time. I hope you find the healing and strength to let go. I know how hard it can be.

Love,
Sujin