[Praguer]

Hello everyone. I'm new to this board and I hope you don't mind me talking about a break up that I went through with my now ex boyfriend. I am talking specifically about a gay relationship that seemed great for one year but ended. He wanted out because he said he was not relationship material. This was a year ago. We had no contact for about 5 months and just as I thought I was doing ok he got in touch with me and we've been friendly ever since. We see each other regularly but never anything intimate - just friendly get togethers. I'm now feeling that I need to fish or cut bait with him because my thoughts of him maybe wanting to get back together have now faded as I see he is not interested in that, just friendship. It is a tough call as I still care very much for him. I guess I'm just looking to chat with someone to help me get through what I am about to do - "break up" with him!! I can't seem to get on with my life, meet new people, date, etc. without thinking of him. I think that I need to get back to no contact with him in order to move on. Any comments on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

hi......sounds as if you've done some thinking and may know the best choice for yourself.

if you want more than he does, pain will probably follow. and it's awfully hard to just "be friends" if you really care for a person.i've been there.

i hope that we can be of help to you. there are tons of caring people here. xoxoxo pat

Hi there. I think you are right. It seems the wound is still raw, despite being a year on. In order to sort out your feelings etc. it might be best to 'take a break' from him... until you find yourself and be able to move on. Good luck.

[hillbunnyb]

tuffy honey. why we humans hang on when we know it is hurting us is beyond me, but, we all do it. it sounds like you were taking care of yourself when he popped back up. later for friendship, if you need a clean break to move on, take it.
p.s. welcome aboard the good ship PC.....

[Lexicon78]

I was with my ex gf (I'm female) for over a year. Through all the things we put each other through, it lasted very long. Both of us wanted it to work, but unfortunately her drug and alcohol use made things much worse than they had to be.

We decided to remain friends for awhile but it was very painful for me. I went through my jealous rages and just couldn't handle being "just friends."

I think having the trouble I did, I would probably encourage anyone to sever all ties if they're going through the same thing.

Hang in there.

[PlanningtoLive]

I was with a girl for over 2 years and it ended very badly. We live in a large, but "small" town and we couldn't even handle running into each other. It got to the point where she had to move away and start over someplace else.

It hurt for quite awhile, but now I wish her all the happiness that I couldn't give her. A clean break was the best thing.

It's sometimes just too hard to be "just friends" esp. when there is history there and those special moments that you had. I vote for no contact.

Welcome to PC.

i second the motion. no contact.

[Sujin]

Hi Praguer,

I feel your pain. I was in a very intense relationship a while back that ended painfully, and put me in the hospital because I felt I couldn't live without this person. He got in touch with me shortly after I got out of the hospital and just when I felt like I was doing better. I started seeing him again, cautiously at first, but then started having high hopes that things were going to work out. He wasn't able to commit to me fully though, and I had to severe all contact. It took a long time for me to get over him, but now I am finally free and in a relationship I wouldn't trade for the world. I think if you break all contact it will be much easier to get on with your life, and in time you will heal and find the person you are meant to be with. I wish you well, you deserve happiness!

Love,
Sujin

[BooRadley]

I don't know how old you are, but sometimes it's just better to cut off all contact for a while, particularly if it was a very close relationship.
It helps to keep busy, find new and different things to do, volunteer. that sort of thing.

There's lots of things worse than being single!!! Believe me.

Boo Radley