want out of this relationship

want out of this relationship. but no where to go and no family to turn to no money ,things aren't working out anyomre and they are getting worse, there is no one here that can help i'm on my own with evything i just wish things would get better but they don't. i can't this this way anymore. i have put up and shut up for 7 years can't take anymore.

is counseling an option, if not see someone in legal services (it's free)

Maybe it is time to start looking at the out options. Start looking around, maybe a friend to move in with temporarily. Someone who you can either stay with & if you don't have money to help pay, they offer to clean & cook or do some work around the house in exchange.

When I first left my marriage years ago when I just got out of a stay in a mental hospital, my dressage horse trainer has her ranch. She had just gone through a divorce & her mother was living with her.....there was an extra room & I worked around the ranch, cleaning stalls & feeding horses in exchange for the room.

There is always some option if we start looking....even with no money.

It can be done....it takes work.....but untl we look, we can't find the answers,
Debbie

All good suggestions...unless there is abuse...do whatever you can to restore the marriage first...

Hi Red Rose,
I quite understand how you are feeling, as I am also going through all of that at the moment. Still need to find a place of my own, new job, etc. Feel totaly lost - but I do believe that things will get better once I am on my own. If you need to talk more, we are all out here. <font color="purple"> </font>
I also believe that it's bad enough being alone, but when you are alone in a relationship it's worse.
Good Luck

Hello and welcome to Psych Central. Res Rose. Take care. Soidhonia

Hi there,
What's your status? Are you married, do you have kids? If so, it's not that easy. Is it possible that you feel trapped in your relationship? That's my case and it's possible is one of the symptoms of borderline.

Red Rose,
I can so identify with what you're going thru. No family help, no money, no job, and a domineering partner ( husband, in my case), who said if I tried to leave I'd be "out on the street with nothing," and he'd take our child away from me. I was so browbeaten, I believed it and stayed for 20 years. In retrospect, I do believe I would have had some legal rights and I should have consulted an attorney. I do not know if you have children, or are married to this man. If you do, please consider others' advice here and consult an attorney.
Patty

I also relate. In my case, I don't have money or a place to go, and my OCD severely limits where I can live. I find so many places "dirty" and would lose everything I own if I couldn't be "clean," so it's nearly impossible to accept any help, because organizations that do that often don't have the best homes or apartments available. Additionally, some services require you to be in counseling or on medication, and I am no longer interested in that. I don't want anyone telling me what to do or trying to control me.

I'm posting to tell you I understand how you feel. I haven't wanted to be in my current relationship for a long time. While I believe marriage is important, I seriously disagree with saving a marriage you don't want to be in, no matter what the reason. You deserve to be happy, as does your partner (unless s/he's done something terrible, like abuse). Of course, children can make a difference, but I believe that if you're unhappy, it will be notice by your children, and affect them.

I've been out of a similar situation now for a year. I'd been forced to leave my job due to my illness and had become totally dependant on my partner to support me and our son. The strain of that dependancy pushed me to find a way to make money on my own. I now work part time as a consultant and accept support from my son's father to help pay the bills. I probably made it so uncomfortable for my ex to be around me that eventually he left and the last time I decided to keep him out. I didn't beg him or plead with him to hang in.... I offered him an exit strategy and he jumped at it.

My income isn't very consistant and there are periods when I'm not able to work because of one MI issue or another and money is always very tight. More often than I'd like to admit I live off my credit when I'm not able to work. Still all in all it is better than it was when i was in the relationship. I have my independance and I don't have to listen to put downs and ridicule and insults anymore. Even if it requires a great deal of active faith thinking to believe I can do it alone it is far better than it was.

In or out of a relationship I think it is important that women especially find some financial independance. Being dependant on another is a very slipper slop. I'd love to believe in the concept of a marriage 'partnership'.... what is mine is yours, yours is mine.... ours.... it just doesn't seem to happen very often in real life. Whoever has control of the bank account has control of the relationship. Sad but true more often than not.

Even if you have to rob a little from the grocery money I'd be building a stash for your own survival. A secret slush fund with which you can support yourself for a couple of months while you find your footing should you ever feel the need to leave the relationship.

I'd have preferred it if my ex and I could have worked through our issues but the imbalance of power just got too out of sync and it went to his head or ego or something beyond my reach. He got mean and uncaring and hypercritical of my every move.

Now we are friends again and he has become my strongest supporter. He is more enerous with money than he ever was when I needed it the most. He is more attentive and generous as a father than he ever was when we were all together. Go figure hey. I've come to think that the pressure he felt from being the only breadwinner was overwhelming for him. Now that some of the pressure is off he can be more himself again. I don't forsee us ever getting back together but yet I feel as though I can lean on him in ways I never could when we were together.

I'm not sure if my story relates enough to be helpful. I guess I just wanted to reinforce what others have said. Explore your options for staying and for leaving but either way don't leave yourself pennyless. Build a stash, learn about your rights, find out what the services are that can help you and trust yourself to make it on your own. Don't let anyone every hold you hostage or a prisoner. You do have choices. They may be difficult to make and whatever decision you make will come with a load of stresses so keep your eye on your goal and believe in yourself. It can get better. I'm believing that for you.

Take good care.....

Red rose..i've read about what you said and read the other's...they all sound like some of the situation's i've been in..it's a hard one to call..there for awhile i ran from man to man..i had to get my independance ina way...i understand..what you are saying....take care...bluevixen