Although our relationship is functional and working for now, I am feeling more and more resentful towards my mother because of how she treats me, and it makes me feel even more desperate than I already am for some closeness with someone.

A number of things she does (or doesn't do) to me causes me untold frustration, resentment, and depression. She never seems to care how I feel, what I have to say, what I am doing, or if I exist. In fact, more often than not, it is like she doesn't acknowledge I am there. She is constantly yelling at me or ignoring me (one of the two) if she does notice me, and she doesn't consider me to be an equal member of the household despite my contributions.

What exacerbates these feelings is that I do all these things for her. Each morning I ask her how she is and how she slept, I listen to all her complaints, issues, and stories, help her with things around the house, arrange her doctor's appointments and other needs, make sure she has her prescriptions, etc. I am always there if she needs assistance or something done.

But if I need someone to hold a door open for me while I move something incredibly heavy this week, if I have a really special day, if I am sick like I am now, is someone there for me? Nope! Makes me feel like I really don't matter. When she cracked her skull, I took her to the hospital and stayed there the whole time while she had stitches in her head, and I was there when they were taken out too. When I was in a car accident nobody cared enough to ask if I was okay. Instead, while I was still in shock, I was insulted and told how useless I am by my family.

It's no secret to PC members that are familiar with my posts that I feel incredibly lonely, unlovable, and desperate for some closeness with someone, ideally a GF. Does it make sense why I feel like this? I am not able to describe how much it would mean to me to come home and have someone say, "Hi hun, how was your day?" As nice as it is, Facebook and PC chat can't replace that feeling, and there is rarely someone I trust enough to talk to online when I want to talk to someone, like right now.

Thanks for reading.

Families can do a lot of damage.. and sometimes they are just not the support system they should be.

Can you move out and live your life without being made to feel worthless by those that shouldn't? Might be the recipe for a bit more peace and happiness.

[unaluna]

I kinda agree with riotgrrrrl. You say the rs is functional and working, but I feel like I've been in your shoes. You can't see the forest for the trees. Sorry for all the cliches. But there are like 3 stages - one is getting out, 2 is being out, and 3 is being somewhere else. You don't go straight from 1 to 3. In step 2, you're still the same person but you have to make your own choices. It's a lot scarier than it sounds. It's easy to say you'd rather be at 3. Wouldn't we all. But that's the devil you don't know. Just try to get out. Step 2 is worth it all on its own.

[Travelinglady]

I'm so sorry your mom doesn't appreciate you. She is actually blessed to have you as a son, and I am blessed that you are here at PC. I'm hoping one day that special person IRL will come along and see you as a nice guy with a lot to offer.

I can see why you don't value yourself, since you have been treated so poorly. But please know that your mom is not the great and powerful "all-decider-of who-is important." In fact, if you don't mind my saying so, she seems to be a poor judge of character.

[enchanted]

Im so sorry Tot no wonder you are feeling so bad about yourself when your own mother wont even achknowledge or validate you, im sorry she doesnt appreciate all you do for her, it seems like she would be so lost without you . she seems to take you for granted and assume you will always be there for her and i know she is your mother but maybe you should try doin less for her just so she sees how much you actualy help her, she should respect you tot and she doesnt seem to, my mam used to say that we have to show people how to treat us maybe if you whhere less helpful she might appreciate you more. I know its not the same as a physical friendship but you are cared about so much on here and have helped myself and others so much you are not worthless you are such an important part of this little community and once you get this course hopefuly you can leave that toxic environment and start feeling a little better about yourself. you know im always here tot

[Leed]

My dear friend ~ We haven't talked in awhile, but every time we have I've tried to impart the same thing. You are worthy, you are important and deserving of everything that everyone else has - which is love and caring!

I'm afraid your mother just does NOT appreciate you at ALL. I don't know why. You do everything you can for her, and she still doesn't appreciate it. It's only natural that this would hurt you especially when you get sick or hurt, she does NOTHING for you and even taunts you on top of it!

I'm afraid your relationship with your mother is toxic -- and the sooner you can get out of that home, the better. It would be great if you could live with friends or other relatives. I know it's expensive to live on your own!

I hope you know that there ARE people here that you CAN trust to talk to! There ARE people here who would NOT let anything go any further. You need not feel that you are totally alone. You do have friends here -- lots of friends, who would certainly be there for you. Please don't feel alone. We DO care about you, my friend. I know I do. Please take care of yourself. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[huntreddog]

I myself have a very Toxic Mother, Brother, Sister and just staying away from it all is exactly what I have to do to stay sane. I also find that when I feel like you. I turn my focus on me and those that I love to be with. Hope this helps? Good Luck!

[whoswho]

I think it is easy to become confused in situations like these. When someone we have known was either actively abusive towards us or supported our abuser but eventually stops, we start to believe that the relationship is now somehow "functional." After all, it's better than it was in the past. Right?

But just because a relationship is "better than it was" doesn't make it healthy, functional, or non-abusive.

Honestly, the only way I have maintained any kind of healthy and functional relationship with my mom was by moving out. I love my family very much, but from a distance.

I think it's also important to realize that people won't change. Your mom takes you for granted. Always has. And she probably always will. I'm not saying it's impossible for her to change, but if she doesn't want to change, if she doesn't see a problem with her behavior, then it doesn't matter HOW MUCH you do for her.

Take care of yourself...