[Cjeomie]

Recently my partner and I broke up and now we are at a stage of not talking. We have become a co-dependent relationship, I feel she has been my crutch and it's causing her a lot of pain. I feel terrible but I am feeling so much unbearable pain not speaking to her. I want to better myself, I want to be able to support her in a full and secure way but that takes time for me to establish myself and be okay with myself. I guess I'm just asking for advice... So many things remind me of her and its killing me, all I want to do is talk to her. It may be months before she feels comfortable talking to me again.

Please any advice would be helpful, thanks

[Cjeomie]

I know it's not really anything that can be answered... I'm just crying every hour of the day and I don't know what to do. I love her so much and I want whats best for us. I know shes finding this distance painful but eventually i guess the idea is that we can come back as strong people and be friends, then decide if we want to be together.

[shezbut]

Cjeomie,

I can't think of any words of wisdom, to help you through this painful process ~ other than work on making yourself stronger. I think that is a very difficult skill that takes a while to build. I am in the beginnings of building my own self-esteem. I can share what helps me...

Exercising regularly, accomplishing daily tasks (like staying on top of finances, cleaning, etc.), caring about the environment & working to make an impact in my environment, setting & reaching small goals, focusing on right now (rather than beating myself up for the past or worrying about the future), showing kindness towards others mindfully. Those are little things that I can do daily, to make myself feel a little bit better about who and where I am. I'm doing the best that I can.

You focusing on the best (wise) things that you can do in this very moment for yourself, to get yourself through the pain, is what I advise you to do.

[BonnieG2010]

I think it's a very sane decision that you've taken.

Can't you both read something on the risks on dependency, so that when the moral is low you can rely on good words to know that you are doing the right thing?

And you are, you know? you definitely are doing the right thing.
when you are dependent you are not really choosing. You just stick to your dependency. You and your GF must be able to live as self, before being a couple.

Try and build your own self, self- esteem, self-worth. Self.
Who are you, what do you want, where are you going and how are you getting there. All these are big questions to answer to not only to keep yourself busy but to focus on your lovely, important, unique self

[Cjeomie]

Thank you both, I do feel a bit better about the decision made however I am still suffering. I suppose it takes some self searching and time to get through this... Sigh. Just counting down the days.