help needed!

i met a girl 3 months ago. She is in her mid twenties and She came across as really independent, intelligent but selfish and insensitive initially. but as i got closer to her as a friend she revealed her traumatic past. her father was an alcoholic who physically abused her mother and her and she witnessed a terrible divorce in her teens.
she was then cheated upon by two of her consecutive boyfriends. we got real close really fast and she revealed intimate details of her painful past. in these moments, she came across more as an insecure child as opposed to the independent woman she usually projects herself. She was attracted to me and expressed love on numerous occasions. And yet later, she would also tell me she was commitment phobic and no guy would ever marry her because no guy would ever understand her. she has a drug problem and smokes hash every day.
she revealed that she has a problem crying and cries once in 3-4 years. she usually also has a problem expressing her emotions and feelings. Heavily influenced by ayn rand, she prefers talking about logic and rationality with her few friends none of whom know the details of her painful past. she feels more confortable showering love to animals than humans.
But everytime she would get close emotionally, she would withdraw from me. she would then speak rudely and try to push me away by her attitude. i showed great restraint in not abandoning her. when i would beg her, she would come back to me.
but eventually, she withdrew completely from the relationship that hardly last 6 weeks and stopped all communication all of a sudden. When i tried to contact her, she said she had found somebody else.
now i am left confused and hurt by her behavior. what exactly is she suffering from? what is the reason for her behavior? right now i have stopped all communication with her but would like to re start communication sometime in future when i am not hurting anymore. because i think she needs help.
any assistance on this would be great.how should i behave with her!

Don't go into a relationship to help the person....that only ends up in a co-dependent relationship.....you get a good feeling giving help & they get a good feeling needing help.....you are better off just out of that relationship.

I can tell you one thing....if she has a drug problem like she says....that blocks emotions (whether they admit it does or not)...it blocks all emotions good & bad. It blocks everything that is necessary to make connection between 2 people & especially with one who doesn't have a drug problem.

You are better off letting her go her own way unless for some reason she really comes back & want's help to CHANGE....otherwise you just enabling her unacceptable behavior.

You are better off without having anything to do with her IMO.

the real question is what draws YOU to a woman like this, that you would ask for approval for a relationship you clearly know is dsyfunctional...

have you heard that old saying: "to have love you must give love" ? do you think this person would be giving you love? do you think you could sustain love for a person who acts like that? what is in this relationship for you?

really, i would encourage you to spend some time on self-examination. i learned that we, people, are "imprinted" at a very young age (pre-verbal, like year one) to desire a mate like our parent. this conditioning is rarely recognized and even less often is it overcome. you might inquire what your parents, especially your mother, was like when you were an infant. how did she bond with you, what kind of health was she in, how was the relationship with your father ? things like that. you may be astonished to find you are trying to fix your mother still.

best wishes,,
Gus

Anyone using Ayn Rand as a role model must be very troubled. Rand raised selfishness to an artform, IMO. I agree with Eskie's & Gus' words of caution.

thank you guys! I believe her behaviour is typical of a person suffering from "fearful avoid-ant attachment disorder"... does any one has any knowledge on this?

To me it sounds like borderline personality disorder. One of the hallmarks is stormy releationships and idealilizng and then demonizing people. Loving someone, then pushing them away and hating them and then loving them again. Difficulty in maintain long term releationships is another common issue. Wreckless behavior such as drug abuse, wreckless driving, spending, eating disorder etc.

I think you should cut your losses and move on. It sounds like she has. I don't think you can fix her, she has to want to improve her life and you are looking for anguish if you try to be her saivor.