[seeker1950]

Several people have posted here recently about their mothers and some really bad behaviors. I too have to battle the negative aspects of my relationship with my mother....I think the mother's voice is instilled in us from the womb onward.
There are those fortunate people whose mother's voice is calm, loving and encouraging. Then there are the folks like me an others here. At some point, one must DETACH! from it!!!!
I have parented myself for several years now, having been a mother myself and raised my daughter totally differently than I was raised. I WAS an encouraging, calming and loveing mother despite my own upbringing example.
I was never held or cuddled, told I was loved and valued, never allowed a voice. At some point, we, as adults must achieve our own voice. This may mean reframing and reparenting ourselves. I do it often with the thousands of move clips in my head of dreadful experiences. I remember how I felt and comfort the child who was there (as I am there with her).
I hope this will help some of you (and me) to remember we can gain our detachment, our voice, and our independence from bad experiences.
Healing thoughts,
Patty

[Rhapsody]

I personally set out to be different in the way I was raised and loved (or not loved)..... I said: I will not let history repeat it self, I will break the crazy cycle, and I did.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[alisandria]

I broke the cycle as well. I'm not sure what you mean by detachment Patty.

I know for me, I worked at resolving things with my Mom, but it's a two way street, and only one of us was on the road. I haven't spoken with my mother in over two years now. I came to a point where the boundaries had been breeched for the final time, and was tired of the whole riga-ma-roll. I still have memories of things my mother did to me as a child. Things she even said to me the last few times we spoke. However, I have come to realize my Mom has a lot of her own personal issues. It's not to excuse her behavior, or the things that were constantly done to me as a child. It just gives me a better understanding of the circumstance, and person I am dealing with. Unbeknownst to my mother I forgave her for all of this. Still just the same, I don't want a relationship with her, because I know the putdowns and crude stuff would continue. It's sad. I have such an incredibly loving and caring, and close relationship with my daughter it sometimes hurts because I don't have that with Mom. Perhaps she's just not capable??? I don't know.

I guess each of us here are pretty lucky that we wanted a change and implemented that, and have been successful in doing so. Kudos ladies for making our children and grandchildrens futures a better place.

Hugs, Lisa

[seeker1950]

By "detachment," I just mean no longer being a victim...either of direct contact which hurts in the present, or from memories. This took and takes a lot of work.
Patty

[razeljenny]

I decided to start a new approach to mental therapy. I will call it (naming my severely rotten moms) (I desire to aquaint myself in a relaxing atomsphere to each of them and personally ask them if I may adjust their "Volume, " "Treble," " Bass, "and" Balance "knobs, if you know what I mean, so that when I am under stress, they can work to my benefit, rather than against my benefit, which they almost always do) I can name about 100 of them and unfortunately they surface in knee jerk impulse fashion. So just to let you know I am all for growing and getting thru the "Bad Ma Cure" and whatever works for each of you may your higher power give you blessing, but I might add "I " have to make "excrutionating effort myself." For facing my "many dark faces within," that all are many facets of my own personal MOMMA. You gotta love her, but she aint that good all the time.!! Your friend, Razeljenny

[weather]

I love my mother, and I know she feels the same for me. However, I still remember her wiping my face in the rag she used to clean the toilet and the times she hit me. I remember, but I forgave her a long time ago.