[julie234332]

Hi everyone. I want to know how you would feel in this situation.

My two friends are sleeping over at my house tonight and we were watching a movie in my sister's room. I told them i had to urinate and they said "okay" so i got up to go to the bathroom which is in the hallway. however, I wasn't feeling well and i was there for 30 minutes. they did not text me or look for me or call my name. i started feeling better, but i was still pissed that they did not ask me if i was ok. so i honestly made it into a game (they did not know this obviously) and went downstairs and stayed down there for another 2 hours. They still did not call my name, text me, or look for me. i was very hurt because they have been my good friends since we were 10 years old (we are now 19).

i know its my house and they probably did not think anything bad happened to me, but you still never know. I could have been tied up in a closet or kidnapped and they would never know. Now i feel that I can't trust them in general. And the movie was over and they still did not look for me. Also, they could have easily paused the movie anyway.

i eventually came upstairs and went into my sister's room to get my phone charger. they asked me where i was and if i am ok and i just said i'm fine and walked away trying to hold back tears. i am sleeping in my room and they are sleeping in the guest room (that's how we always do it anyway though).

how do i confront them about this?

[Pink santa]

Yes, i do believe you might be overreacting just a bit, they did show general concern, but you brushed it off, and if it bothered you, i feel that you should have confronted them about it as you walked in. I feel as u guys have been friends for 10 years, that it should seem that they could of been more concerned, but they didn't intentionally do so.

[Yoda]

It is your house. If I were a guest and my friend went to the bathroom I wouldn't go looking for her. The toilet is a place I want my privacy because I have IBS.

I think if you are trying to place meaning on them not looking for you that is not there. They didn't quit caring for you and they didn't quit being your friends. I think you are being very sensitive. Is that common for you to interpret your friends' behaviors in a negative way?

I do not think you are being overly sensitive.
I would have come looking for you, even if it were your house, after about 15 minutes...you could have slipped and hit your head on the bathroom counter, had a seizure, etc. I would have at least approached the bathroom and said, "Hey we just wanted to make sure you are ok..." And if you said yes I would have said, "OK, I'll be back in another ___ minutes just to check on you and make sure you don't need anything." It seems like common courtesy besides just your safety, and these are your friends.
Esp. after the two hours, WAY before that I would have come looking for you...I wonder what they think you were doing?? Btw, game or not you were playing, amazing amt of patience.
If you wish to talk to them about it, I might just say, "I was surprised you didn't check on me earlier last night, I might have needed someone to hold my hair back if I was getting sick"...to make a joke about it, but yet inquire as well.
Hugs to you.

[Miswimmy1]

i think it may be a tad over dramatic. They may not have even noticed that that much time had passed (they were watching a movie after all).

the important thing is they asked you if you were ok when you returned. I'm sure that they didn't know that you wanted them to look for you or express concern. It was just miscommunication.

But if you are really worried, talk to them about it. If they are good friends, they will take it ok. Just say, you know, were you ever going to come look for me or anything? Put it jokingly, and see what they say because they probably didn't even realize that much time had gone by

[H3rmit]

Yes, a tad dramatizing things out of proportion. You are an adult, you can go to the bathroom without being texted. Maybe you had to do more in the bathroom. Maybe one of your parents asked you to do something afterwards.

You are the one who did something "wrong" by staying downstairs for two hours. It's not a funny joke; it's abandoning your guests for no good reason.

Can you think of a better way to handle this in future? I mean you felt needy or ignored - you could address it with them in some way instead of doing something noncommunicative that could end up appearing passive aggressive or worse.

I am not criticizing you, just passing your actions through the lens of what is expected as I understand it. I know you did it because of your feelings, and we often don't handle our feelings well. I think this is an example of that.

[lizardlady]

I've got to agree with the others. Seems you've made drama where there wasn't any. Maybe your friends didn't check on you while you were in the bathroom out of politeness. I would not want to potentially embarass someone by asking if they were ok while in the bathroom. I sure would not text them!

[venusss]

You take a cellphone to a bathroom in your house? It would never occur to me to txt somebody when they go to bathroom or elsewhere in their house... cause I would think their cellphone is probably laying around somewhere.

yeah, bit overdramatizing. You were at your house... what could happened? They probably thought you went to check Facebook or got hold up by something.

[cool09]

First back up. You said you weren't feeling well. You mean physically or emotionally? Cause my whole adolescence (and 30s) was like this. I had to take myself out of everything because I was having severe mental issues like racing thoughts, anxiety, irritability, abnormal moods, etc. and was really disconnected to myself. And I couldn't hold a conversation to save my life and it ruined all of my relationships and no one could understand me.

If your symptoms were emotional or mood I can completely relate with you. I never found a way to tell people that I knew that something was not right. In fact, lots of people get defensive when you have trouble giving them attention (due to emotional problems) and they turn it back on you and stop being friendly.

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I sure would not text them!

Julie is 19...I have a cousin about the same age. Texting is what they do. Yes, even in the toi-toi.

[Perna]

Yes, when we are with ourselves, it is all about us but when we are with others, they feel the same way about themselves? If you would have texted them in their individual houses when they went to the bathroom, that would be about you too and your wanting to be that connected to them. My husband does not check on me over time and we are retired and together all day every day.

I get up in the middle of the night and go downstairs for hours because I cannot sleep but he does not come check if he gets up to go to the bathroom or turn over, etc. A couple nights ago he did not come to bed and I went downstairs and all the lights were still on and he was at his computer and I thought all was normal but 15 minutes later he said, "I need some suggestions" and I thought he had a computer problem he was working on but, surprise surprise, he was bleeding and could not get it to stop! He'd been bleeding for a couple hours! I made my suggestion (ice cube, it took half an hour more and two ice cubes :-) and found an online doctor and paid $18 to ask about it, etc. but he was fine with the whole thing. I asked him not to wait that long next time.

You want the assurance more than your friends do. I would not reproach them or yourself, it's just what you like and you are allowed to like that and they are allowed to be as they are. Whether you are ill or not, there's not much they could do for you; if you had needed an ambulance you would/should say something, make your wishes known. If you want someone to check on you, say, "If I'm not back in 10 minutes, come check on me". They don't know you like to be checked on, they don't necessarily so they only have their own experience to go on.

[avlady]

Maybe they thought you were asleep, i mean it was a slumber party!!!

[healingme4me]

Ahhhh, the joys of being 19. Not my fondest age.

Going into this slumber party, were there some questionable feelings about your friendship? Any minor tiffs, before this night?

Were you feeling excluded, before going to the bathroom?

Sometimes, an overreaction, is because there are underlying repressed reactions...

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by julie234332

so i honestly made it into a game (they did not know this obviously)

Obviously you don't know what they were thinking either. Their two genius minds together could have figured out it was a game, no? I think you gave up the right to be hurt or offended, yhe moment you decided to turn it into a game. Whether or not they were aware of your intentions doesn't matter. It's like if you pretend you have a gun in your pocket and hold up a store, you can't claim later that it was a toy gun so obviously it was just a game. You have to take the consequences. You cried wolf and they didn't come. You'll be lucky if they will still be your friends, imo. Idk. Something is wrong here.

[Love/Hate09]

I think you were wrong to make a game out of it. But if one of my friends said they were just heading to the bathroom and they weren't back after 20 minutes i'd be going to check on them, never mind two hours. I would be genuinely worried and wanting to know if they were ok. Opinion seems to be that you are making too much of it but if i was sitting watching a film with a friend and they just vanished i wouldn't be able to just sit there and forget them and enjoy the film. I would have to check for my own peace of mind, the fact they didn't does to me demonstrate a certain amount of thoughtlessness. How you tell them without making a big issue out of it i don't really know.

[Vibe]

If one of my friends said they were going to the bathroom and was gone for 30 minutes, I wouldn't go looking for them or mention anything. The details are usually too rude for public conversation, and generally the person prefers some privacy. There are also any number of other reasons that you could have chosen to leave and were just using the restroom as an excuse. If that were the case, then it would have meant you didn't want to talk about the real reasons you left, so it would be kindest not to ask.

30 minutes isn't very long. When you were gone for longer, they did ask. You also obviously weren't kidnapped in your own house.

I would absolutely not confront your friends about this. If I found out that my "friends" were giving me secret tests and judging me when I failed, then I would be pretty put off. This was irrational and it does happen sometimes to people with mental disorders. However, it is incredibly unfair to your friends. The real issue here is the path your mind took in this whole thing and what it led you to do. I would focus on addressing that.

[ancy]

it will be okay

[TanyaP]

Originally Posted by julie234332

Hi everyone. I want to know how you would feel in this situation.

My two friends are sleeping over at my house tonight and we were watching a movie in my sister's room. I told them i had to urinate and they said "okay" so i got up to go to the bathroom which is in the hallway. however, I wasn't feeling well and i was there for 30 minutes. they did not text me or look for me or call my name. i started feeling better, but i was still pissed that they did not ask me if i was ok. so i honestly made it into a game (they did not know this obviously) and went downstairs and stayed down there for another 2 hours. They still did not call my name, text me, or look for me. i was very hurt because they have been my good friends since we were 10 years old (we are now 19).

i know its my house and they probably did not think anything bad happened to me, but you still never know. I could have been tied up in a closet or kidnapped and they would never know. Now i feel that I can't trust them in general. And the movie was over and they still did not look for me. Also, they could have easily paused the movie anyway.

i eventually came upstairs and went into my sister's room to get my phone charger. they asked me where i was and if i am ok and i just said i'm fine and walked away trying to hold back tears. i am sleeping in my room and they are sleeping in the guest room (that's how we always do it anyway though).

how do i confront them about this?

I think you are overly dramatizing the situation. Your friends were in your home after all, and if you are in someone else's home you normally don't question the host where they go in their own house and how long they stay in that place.. Most of the time people wouldn't think something bad happened to a person just because they were missing half an hour or an hour within the territory of their own place. It just doesn't come to their mind. Not because they don't care, they just don't get those negative thoughts. And in the end your friends did ask if you were ok and things were alright, so it shows they do care about you

[shortandcute]

what's really dramatic is that you keeping reposting the same post in different forums