[nicolerose]

i have a roommate who has a boyfriend, they have a good relationship and havent even known each other that long maybe a few months.
i came home today to find the two of them lying down together.
even something like this, which isnt really even doing that much, it just makes me sad and depressed. i am happy for them but this brings out a lot of emotions in me

it made me think immediately of the guy that i am in love with.. and how i wish that i could lie down with him like that. and i got some images of him lying with his girlfriend, and spending a lot of time doing other things, (not even sexual things), then i felt hurt.
and now i just feel very depressed.

i thought, that my roommate probably has done a lot of things with her boyfriend and they havent even been together that long. then i think about the things that the guy that i love and his girlfriend, must be doing a lot more, that he must be lying down with her all the time and much more, and it hurts me even to think about this.
but i cant help to think about it.

i know there are other couples out there too, but something about it because shes my roommate and is so close to me, a person i see every day.. is doing this.. and it really hurts

[RoseBee]

Do yourself a favor: THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE! When I am depressed, anxious, sad, coping, or just trying to keep my wits about me, I knit, cook, sew, belly dance, clean etc. I pick my activity, turn on some upbeat music, and throw myself in to whatever I am doing. It shows me I am talented, capable of doing things on my own, and leads to other trains of thought like how did the guy who discovered cows milk A) think to pull the penis looking thing on a female cow and b) drink the stuff that came out. For that matter, how did he convince others to try it? (That came to me while I was making chocolate butter cream icing..)

I have been very productive lately because I have been having boy problems, too.

Am sorry that this is tough for you, hugs to you.
Am also sorry to say that the hurt you feel can be improved by trying your best to let the guy you like go, and find someone who is obtainable. The less you care about this chap, the less it will hurt. It is hard to let go, but being infatuated by someone and it not being able to go anywhere is just something that will never bring happiness.
Please too don't let your hurt show with your roommate and your friend, please don't let your hurt make her feel bad for being happy. Good friends are worth so very much.

Good luck...

[nicolerose]

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

Am sorry that this is tough for you, hugs to you.
Am also sorry to say that the hurt you feel can be improved by trying your best to let the guy you like go, and find someone who is obtainable. The less you care about this chap, the less it will hurt. It is hard to let go, but being infatuated by someone and it not being able to go anywhere is just something that will never bring happiness.
Please too don't let your hurt show with your roommate and your friend, please don't let your hurt make her feel bad for being happy. Good friends are worth so very much.

Good luck...

im not really friends with my roommate, i dont have much in common with her. havent told her that it hurts me to see them together and dont plan to tell her. i just try to get out of the room if i see them together like that and try not to think about it.

i cant let him go even though ive tried to, i know its not good to hang on to him but i cant really help it, i tried to do things to forget about him but the thoughts about him always come back, because they never really went away they are always in my head

Originally Posted by nicolerose

i know there are other couples out there too, but something about it because shes my roommate and is so close to me, a person i see every day.. is doing this.. and it really hurts

Sorry, I presumed that she was a good friend because you wrote the above. I misunderstood, you mean close to you in proximity, not emotionally.

Have you tried therapy to help you? I don't know if you love him because it's an ex or something, and you're still hung up on him, or someone who you have a crush on, but perhaps therapy can help you out with some coping methods and to understand why you are unable to move on.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by nicolerose

i have a roommate who has a boyfriend, they have a good relationship and havent even known each other that long maybe a few months.
i came home today to find the two of them lying down together.
even something like this, which isnt really even doing that much, it just makes me sad and depressed. i am happy for them but this brings out a lot of emotions in me

it made me think immediately of the guy that i am in love with.. and how i wish that i could lie down with him like that. and i got some images of him lying with his girlfriend, and spending a lot of time doing other things, (not even sexual things), then i felt hurt.
and now i just feel very depressed.

i thought, that my roommate probably has done a lot of things with her boyfriend and they havent even been together that long. then i think about the things that the guy that i love and his girlfriend, must be doing a lot more, that he must be lying down with her all the time and much more, and it hurts me even to think about this.
but i cant help to think about it.

i know there are other couples out there too, but something about it because shes my roommate and is so close to me, a person i see every day.. is doing this.. and it really hurts

All of that demonstrates that you have a great potential as somebody's girlfriend and, with time and a bit of luck, will find your happiness.

That you are so attuned to feel the feelings that you report feeling and to feel such a wide range of emotions (you do feel happy for them, and yet, also feel sad - that is a wide range of complex emotions) is great news.

Some guy one day will find himself lucky being with a woman who is capable of such depth of feeling. You will just need to wait ... patiently.

That kind of cold, rational judgement only occurs during the initial phases of attraction, before attachment with a partner occurs.

Once two humans become attached to each other after some dating, it no longer boils down to a judgment on the basis of qualities, but due to a more detailed, intimate knowledge of the partner.

So you really only have to be attractive enough, or smart enough, or pleasant enough to pass the initial attraction phase.

Sorry, that reply was meant for your other thread. The one where you were obsessing over the women a certain man was dating.

[nicolerose]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

That kind of cold, rational judgement only occurs during the initial phases of attraction, before attachment with a partner occurs.

Once two humans become attached to each other after some dating, it no longer boils down to a judgment on the basis of qualities, but due to a more detailed, intimate knowledge of the partner.

So you really only have to be attractive enough, or smart enough, or pleasant enough to pass the initial attraction phase.

yes i think this is true
(do you mean rational or irrational?)

the guy i a in love, he has passed the "initial" test but i do know him well, but i would like to get to know him better.
maybe i am a shallow person but to me, there are some qualities that if they pass, that i dont care about their other flaws
i think it is possible to love someone you do not know well, (but would like to get to know well) but maybe not everybody thinks this

Originally Posted by nicolerose

yes i think this is true
(do you mean rational or irrational?)

the guy i a in love, he has passed the "initial" test but i do know him well, but i would like to get to know him better.
maybe i am a shallow person but to me, there are some qualities that if they pass, that i dont care about their other flaws
i think it is possible to love someone you do not know well, (but would like to get to know well) but maybe not everybody thinks this

My reply was meant for your other thread, where you were concerned that men would just overlook you for someone prettier.

But your answer here to my post says it better.

"maybe i am a shallow person but to me, there are some qualities that if they pass, that i dont care about their other flaws".

You already dismiss flaws in others because they are acceptable to you, and therefore I think you should expect the same of others. It didn't sound like you were doing so in your other thread.