[Scared86]

For the past 5.5 months, my husband has been taking 75mg of Zoloft. It started with a mild depression due to being 4 hours away from home 5 days out of the week. We have a 2 year old daughter, and from the first week she was born he was traveling. He missed both of us terribly and began having trouble concentrating at work/being very anxious in a hotel room almost every night. So, I regretably told him he should try to see if there was something that could help with the depression, anxiety, and OCD he developed.
The first month he was on Zoloft was pretty wonderful, he was relaxed, didn't cry on the phone, and he said he felt like he could concentrate. Before I get too ahead of my dilemma, let me tell you what his personality was like BEFORE the Zoloft....passionate, caring, funny, outgoing, loves to make people laugh, wrote little love notes to me every Monday morning before he left,loved to make breakfast for us on Sunday mornings, dance around the house, sang in the shower, would tickle me, wrestle with me, joked with me, initiated sex, and physical contact. I feel stupid listing all of that, but it sums up how great his personality was.
Anyway, the first month was great and I was so happy that he was feeling better. He told me he would go off of the Zoloft when he found a career closer to home, and it's been 3 months since that happened. What I am noticing now, is not normal. He is irritable all of the time, never smiles or laughs, plays less with our daughter, never touches me unless we're in bed and he puts his arm around me, cannot joke or play around, says his mind is racing 100 miles a minute, can't concentrate, is focusing on things from his past that he never talked about before, says that everything I say to him is just picking on him and makes him feel low, and can't remember things I tell him 5 minutes ago. He doesn't care if we are intimate, never talks about it, and if I ask why he doesn't care, he doesn't have an answer. I know all of this probably sounds petty, and I haven't put every detail in here, but this personality change is ruining our marriage. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. He says he's fine, and doesn't see a change. He wouldn't though right? People can't see how these drugs change them and sometimes have reverse effects....I don't know what to do to convince him that it's robbing him of himself, and not helping anymore....

[hamster-bamster]

well he might be bipolar, and an AD (anti-depressant) such as Zoloft, taken by a bipolar person who does not simultaneously take mood stabilizing and/or antipsychotic drugs, can lead to mania.

mind racing 100 miles a minute
cannot concentrate
too irritable (says you are picking on him)
cannot remember things is similar to cannot concentrate

suggests a MANIA coming, and no, it is not petty - you need him to report all of those things to his p-doc (psychiatrist - whoever prescribed ZOLOFT to your husband) on MONDAY - just after the weekend is over with. It can cause very serious trouble if left unattended. Do not delay.

If bipolar is ruled out, then the symptoms of a changed personality could be attributed to Zoloft, and then he either needs a different AD or just off AD's.

[hamster-bamster]

PS Do you know the name of his p-doc, in case he declines to report those to the p-doc? If he does not report, you will need to take the matter in your hands.

Do you know if your husband's relatives have mental illness?

[hamster-bamster]

Also- read this please:

zoloft mania - Google Search

with hamster-bamster. Do not delay reporting this info to your husband's doc. It can be very serious. Good luck.

[Scared86]

Thank you for your input, this is what I was afraid of. I have done a little research, and Mania showed up when I listed some of his symptoms...I literally broke down in tears. I have actually contacted our family doctor (who prescribed this to him originally bc he refused to see a psychiatrist). They told me because he didnt put my name on the HIPAA form that they can't speak to me at all about anything. The only progress I made was convincing him that 75 mg was too strong and he should step down to 50mg. That was last month, and there is absolutely no change. If anything, it's worse. I spoke to my father about it all, and he is convinced also that this is serious and he is going to attempt to tell him that he doesn't seem himself and he should ask his doc to step him off of it completely. I feel like I've ran out of emotional steam to fix this. We got in a small argument last night, and he slept on the couch.....this is something he has never done! Even when we have been mad/screaming fits, we still resolved it enough to lay in bed together. This is becoming overwhelming.

[hamster-bamster]

OMG!

If it has already spiraled into mania, then going down from 75mg to 50 mg would not fix it - he would actually need drugs to counteract mania. If it IS mania, then even dropping Zoloft at once might not help, because his mania is out of control.

Without HIPAA they would not SPEAK to you about anything, sure, but ... they cannot even taken input from you?

the bad thing is that he has a family doctor and refuses to see a psychiatrist. Once it is not a garden-variety depression/anxiety but something else, family doctors are out of their depth. Even with garden-variety depression/anxiety, psychiatrists are better positioned to make judgment calls.

The biggest trouble is that, as a rule, people who are manic - especially for the first time - do not recognize it. One of the main reason bipolar people are often mis-diagnosed as depressive, in the beginning (and that beginning might take years) - people see doctors only when they are depressed. Otherwise they see no need to go talk to a doctor. I am afraid that this is the case with your husband - begrudgingly, but he went to see a family doctor for depression, but now he has other symptoms and he won't listen to you.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Scared86

I have actually contacted our family doctor (who prescribed this to him originally bc he refused to see a psychiatrist). They told me because he didnt put my name on the HIPAA form that they can't speak to me at all about anything. The only progress I made was convincing him that 75 mg was too strong and he should step down to 50mg. That was last month, and there is absolutely no change. If anything, it's worse. I spoke to my father about it all, and he is convinced also that this is serious and he is going to attempt to tell him that he doesn't seem himself and he should ask his doc to step him off of it completely. I feel like I've ran out of emotional steam to fix this. We got in a small argument last night, and he slept on the couch.....this is something he has never done! Even when we have been mad/screaming fits, we still resolved it enough to lay in bed together. This is becoming overwhelming.

Granted, you husband sounds like he's certainly on the wrong medication. Is he also, in talk-therapy? Meds alone won't resolve any depression symptoms, usually, that's a general rule of thumb.

I appreciate, that doctors cannot discuss patients information with others. It's acceptable to call and voice concerns, however.

I like, your father's approach, of mentioning, that he doesn't seem himself, since Zoloft and this long distance job opportunity.

Hope all goes well

[Odee]

It's not fair at all right now to fall in a Mania Panic. Mania is a possibility to keep an open mind about but all those symptoms also very very easily, perhaps more easily, fit under depression and anxiety. Irritability, problems concentrating ... easily could have been the depression symptoms breaking through. (you already said he couldn't concentrate before the meds)

It's also not fair to jump on blaming the meds either. Like I said, they could be a relapse -- the drugs could have never been effective in the first place. They may have dulled or numbed him a way that makes him a different type of depressed than he was before, but the negative symptoms he is experiencing could be the remnants of depression.

Of course, the meds still could be making the depression worse by adding irritability or modifying other symptoms. There are other treatment options worth exploring.

Just don't get ahead of yourself when it comes to the possible bipolar. Often MI and stress take a long long time to resolve and your support and desire to learn mean a ton. Please keep looking for more information and have faith that your husband will heal.

[hamster-bamster]

Odee, good catch, but:

racing thoughts... a hallmark of bipolar mania... concentration problems could be both mania and depression, sure, but racing thoughts could not...depression slows thinking down... depression can easily cause rumination, when the same (negative, as a rule) thought comes (and hurts) again and again, but not RACING thoughts...

[Scared86]

A total personality change is definitely cause to blame the medication. I'm talking about a night and day change. He even admits to noticing that he doesn't act himself anymore. Another side note....you aren't supposed to consume alcoholic beverages while on Zoloft, because as we all know, it is a depressant. So, explain to me why when he does drink, he turns into the man I knew before the drugs? This is another reason why I put it to blame. He told me he drinks sometimes so that he's able to feel like himself again....it's all so confusing to me honestly....perfect example: tonight, we went boating with family, he was so distant from me until he had a few drinks in....then it was like a total transformation. He was giving me sweet looks, putting his arms around me, kissing me, talking to me about how happy he was, and laughing like I hadn't heard him laugh in months. About an hour ago, he started to come down off of the buzz, and he is right back to everything I've been talking about. It's literally like Jekyll and Hyde. Almost heart wrenching because I knew it was short lived. I'm crying as I write this because I knew every second he was being himself that it wasn't going to stay. I hope that I am expressing all if this in a way that someone can understand...

[hamster-bamster]

Write him a letter (along the lines of what you said on the thread). Print it out and keep it hidden. When he drinks again and goes into his light (as opposed to dark) self, hand him the letter to read. But not in his dark stage, no.

[Odee]

Hamster: Racing thoughts can still exist in depression. It can exist in a person undergoing stress and without a mental illness. It is also very common in anxiety which tends to follow depression. None of these symptoms are black and white and racing thoughts do not necessarily mean mania.

Scared: The personality change happened before the meds during the depression which is why I am saying you can't automatically attribute the unappealing attitude to medication. It is a messy situation where you don't know what is the disorder and what's the medication and you simply can't pretend that you know which one it is.

Also, the alcohol use is self medicating. Some people have very positive responses to being drunk on medication. People not on medication and those without MI will have very positive results from being drunk .... that's why we drink. This does not mean your husband has been returned to his self, it just means he is drunk.

All I saying is don't jump on the assumptions that it's the meds or mania, all the symptoms could be the original underlying condition. It's obvious that your husband is being ineffectively treated, but part of effective treatment is to not reject treatment options or pursue inappropriate ones because you too quickly set your mind on one interpretation of the events.

[Scared86]

The personality change did not happen before the meds, he was only experiencing OCD and anxiety. He was completely himself while at home. You didn't read my original post right. From March 2011-February 2013 he was traveling. Home on the weekends. The end of February was the start of the Zoloft. He ended up finding something closer to home in May, was home every night thereafter. The complete personality change started to happen near the beginning of June. Someone who is not depressed would definitely have a reverse reaction to this medication IF it was not needed. He has no family history of depression, bipolar disease, or any other mental/social anxiety disorders. This was brought on by beig away from home for a long period of time, alone, and sleeping in different hotels for 2 years. Before entering into that career, he NEVER had any signs of OCD, Depression, or any of the problems/symptoms from traveling. This happens to people in the army, people who relocate for jobs, etc. They usually have no prior history. I'm just trying to get across that this man was completely "normal" before the traveling/getting on the Zoloft. My frustration is leaking out, I apologize if it sounds that way.

[hamster-bamster]

You said sleeping in difficult hotels for 2 years.

I do not have much knowledge in this area (thanks Odee for mentioning other contexts for racing thoughts), but I do have general knowledge. Per the general knowledge, being off the sleep schedule (in all kinds of contexts - international travel back and forth for business, shift work, etc.) eventually will catch up to many people and may cause all sorts of mental health trouble that would never had manifested itself if not provoked by messing up with sleep severely.

[Scared86]

That post was directed at Odee. :-)

[Scared86]

Your information has been very helpful and comforting hamster-bamster.

[Confusedinomicon]

Maybe he doesn't need medications, but could use a therapist? If he learned the anxiety by being away then it means he can learn to cope with the residue. Depression can be monitored this way and any worsening of symptoms could bring an informed psychiatrist into the picture.

I also think that drinking alcohol is fine if there is no prior intent to do it for some relief. Im on psychiatric meds and drink occasionally. Im not drinking to relieve any negative feelings I may have and have honestly talked to my doc about my consumption. She didn't say anything about him drinking all the time or any concerns that he was self-medicating.

Depression can happen to anyone. Its better to exhaust therapy before adding medication if the depression was situational in nature. Also, he can be one of the unlucky ones who experience serotonin withdrawal.

[Scared86]

Yes, that is understandable. I like that viewpoint as well. He admits that he is someone who holds onto things now, more than ever. So, speaking to a therapist is a positive idea. He tol me yesterday that he's been holding little things against me that I do and say that he's never done before. I'm talking about things from last month and beyond. It's insane to hear him tell me things he took the wrong way, he even told me he wasn't sure some of them were things I've said or things other people have said to him!

Another very bothersome thing I've been noticing....he used to be very passionate about history, especially about the Titanic. Never speaks of things he's interested in anymore. He loved watching love stories with me, The Notebook is one I can recall off hand. He literally refuses to watch anything but action movies. I brought home a movie last month that had a few sentimental parts, and he literally got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I know all of these things mean nothing to anybody outside of our relationship, but for me to watch it, it's like I'm living with a different person!!! I'm scared I'm going to lose him completely, and that I can't pretend that I'm ok much longer.

This feels like a place to vent. I guess I need it pretty badly...