i've been here long enough to have learned two things. sometimes the truth is wanted and sometimes it isn't. since i always follow through when someone wants advice or support, sometimes i open the wrong door. i've learned that the more i put myself out there, the more potshots are being taken. that's okay too.....someone has to shoot at someone.

i have put myself on the line, more than once, here and would continue to do so in the future......except that i'm tired of being misunderstood and i'm tired of being perceived as something that i'm not. i've always stood up for what i believe.

i've also let people run over me and it has caused great pain. someone said to me, "don't let that run you off".....it isn't the particular pain of one instance that can make me leave. it's the perception that i can be used and i'll bounce right back up. i've done that before. bouncing isn't on my agenda anymore here.

i've had run ins with the administration and they've had run ins with me.

i respect the moderator's hard work as they are on the line all of the time and they spend a lot of time at it.

i've been blamed for things that i did not do and that's okay...up to a certain point. i've tried to turn the other cheek in most instances.

i have always been a solitary soul and will continue to be il the day i die.

i've had the most heart warming love here that i could ever have imagined. and i believe i've given it in return. there are people here who have literally saved my life. KA comes to mind, specifically, last summer when i had my breakdown. if she had not told me to quit worrying about dirty dishes and go buy paper plates, i think i wouldn't be here today.

in case someone feels that this is an "indictment" of PC, it isn't. it's my true feelings finally being expressed and i'm not asking for any rebuttals.....i'd like, once, to be myself and tell it the way i see myself here.

i am glad that Doc is going to be more hands on here. i think he needs to be and i think the forums will benefit greatly. especially if he enters into thread discussions occasionally. he has always been able to bring focus back to a thread when it was getting willy-nilly and losing it's depth.

this is relationships because that's what i've had here. relationships with tons of people and made friends that i will never forget. i now have e.mail and phone friends that i didn't have two years ago. and i cherish everyone of them. very much. for different reasons, i've had clashes that i didn't understand then and still don't understand. but that is life here and IRL. no one is perfect and i'm such a work in progress that my higher power has to take rest breaks from trying to keep me going forward.

i've tried to leave before and have been drawn back. the tiredness i feel today is my assurance that i have to do something else. i come here less and less and i read less. i'm not offering hardly any support and i am begining to believe that my well is almost dry.

for those who have asked, Bill is doing okay. he took his curtains down and ironed them yesterday!! said he was bored. he hasn't done anything like that since he moved down here. that little bit of craziness made me feel a lot better about his moods. his mom is home from the hospital and has been told if she smokes another cigarette, she's a goner. my immune system is shot and i go to a specialist next week that sounds like she's my last hope. my bipolar is horrible and i have to fight every day to make it til blessed bedtime.

i'm really struggling with my work. i feel like slapping people who don't have the problems that we have here. whining has never been one of my favourite traits in a patient. i cut my hours back to 15 til i feel more charitable towards complaints about 12 step programs. and in fact may change and work in the courtroom in the prison. far less stress and less pay. but i can ride my bike to work. and i get to wear a commando uniform. money isn't everything.

to all who've held me up, put up with me, cheered me up, made me giggle endlessly and loved me.....thank you so much.

no one is running me off this time around. i'm removing myself from something that i dont' have the energy for anymore. i'm sorry that i can't do it now but my mental and physical health is more important to me than anything else. well, i will miss the blonde jokes. and am sorry that i never got the hang of chat.

when i know that i no longer have a dog in the hunt, it's time to quit. when the enthusiasm that i used to bring here has waned and i have to struggle to find it.....i'm not able to support like i feel that i should, then it's time to kennel the dog and take care of myself, my family and Bill.

and remember, we're all crazy and that's why we're here.

i will be very disappointed if this post disappears before the populace gets to read it.

[nothemama8]

will keep in touch through e-mail, as the song goes"You got me Babe"

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing pat.... keep in touch if you would like to, and I hope the post stays too

[hillbunnyb]

)))))))))))) )) fayerody ((((((( (( ( ((( gotcha kiddo

(((((((((((((( Pat )))))))))))))))))

You're loved! I hope to keep in contact through mail! (If it works now!!!! )
Thank you for being YOU! Thank you for helping me out a lot, my first time here at PC!

pat.....after reading you post.....i sat here for some minutes..tearful and with a heavy heart.....i truly understand your leaving us now and i will pray for better health and much happiness for you and bill and your family.....i know that this isn't goodbye for you and me...we will always have that soul sister bond that i will always cherish and i will keep in touch by email.....i just want you to know that i learned so much from you and your posts....so much about life, so much about love.....i'm sure that those who took the time to know you here at the forums will carry with us always the heartfelt support you always offered us...that strength of character that you always displayed....i'm so proud to call you my friend....

I'm sorry to see you leave, Pat.
Please, take care! I'll miss your posts. You've helped me so much this past year I've been on PC and I'd for you to know how much I really appreciate that and your honesty and your no nonsence, get to the point answers or advice.

(((((((Pat)))))))

[katheryn]

i sure will miss seeing around pat i to can say you have helped us alot over the year and we both will miss you ,
take care
(((((((pat bill family )))))))))
katheryn and therealme

[Christina86]

((((((((fayerody))))))

Will miss you - like seeing you around

**hugs** Please take care of yourself.

[JustAPixie]

(((((((((( fayerody ))))))))))))

It's good that you are putting yourself first for a change... I hope you get some rest and well deserved peace!

thanks, friends. i just went to Dairy Queen. and then talked to Bill. med trial starts tomorrow. i'm excited and scared.

love comes in many forms and the internet is one that most people wouldn't expect to receive it from......you guys rock.....everyone of you..........xoxoxopat/ethel/pattynearlynormal

[seeker1950]

Pat...you ROCK, hun!
Love
Patty

[January]

((((((((((((((((( Pat )))))))))))))))

Please take good care of you.

Hugs,

Jan

What I have always admirer in you is that you have a voice for those who doesn't.

You can stand by yourself and keep your ground, something else that I admirer in you.

You have been good to me and I have always felt your caring. Something I will never forget.

I understand why you are leaving but then I don't. I wish you wouldn't go but I respect your decision. To be a friend is to know when to give space to another.

I wish you the best! You deserve it! You know how to contact me and I hope sometime you will.

(((((((((((((Pat)))))))))))))

Much love!

thank you time0. that really, really means a lot to me about having a voice for those who don't. at times i almost gave up on it, but i just couldn't. i know you share my feelings and i hope you will carry the banner now. that would make me feel really good.

i don't have your e.mail. i'll PM you mine. you're a very dear, dear friend and i do not want to lose contact with you.

you've been a true friend from the first and i really appreciate you. i know what you're living and i want more for you. xoxoxo pat

angie, this is a special post for you from pattynearlynotsonormal. i'll never forget first seeing your picture at your kitchen table making bread. the love that came from that picture went straight to my heart. i love that pic. if you dont mind, i'd like to copy it to "my pictures" and keep it. as you said, we're staying in touch but i remembered, can't sleep, that i wanted to ask you that......

you're such a good PC member..you and your girls....i love you, pat

[nothemama8]

pattynnsn, I would be honored to have you copy the pic , been missing sleep myself so I know where your at kid, as soon as I get my hair cut I will post that pic also
Love
Angie

Oh dear Pat-- I'm sure going to miss you being around.
I know I don't say much-- but you have always put a spring into my step after reading your posts! You've been able to lift me up when I didn't think it was possible. For that, I am grateful.

So sorry there have been times when you were misunderstood--- I've experienced the same -- it hurts like heck.

I understand your feeling of needing to follow other horizons... I hope they lead you to great places!

I wish the very best for you.
Good luck with Bill, your employment endeavors and settling into Texas!!

mandy

[Sujin]

Pat,

I understand your feelings more than you will ever know. I wish you inner peace and love.

Always,
Sujin

thanks, everyone. i wanted to blog about the medical trial but can't seem to get to do it.....yesterday was first day. today it's four hours, physical, psychdoc, questionaires......and i've quit the wellbutrin and wil taper off others. i probably won't be back to post anymore, just wanted you to a little bit about the medical research...........and thank you all for the PMS, e.mails and posts.........love you all, pat

aaaah, would you leave already? Gosh!

J/K!!!! Hi Pat, STAAAAY!!!!! You don't have to leave.

[PasDeDeux]

Pat I can't say I blame you and yes YOU and your loved ones should and do come first. Though I wish the one to leave wasn't you I will email and am wishing you the best

[PasDeDeux]

And may I say in honor of YOU I will drink the malt I am going to make to you, Bill and getting outta dodge

This guy is getting to be really popular.