Is this the end....

My husband has said he doesn't think he loves me anymore.
I have struggled with depression and panic attacks off an on for 20 years.
He's my rock. I think I have lent on him to much. I work very long hours (80+ a week) in a job I hate. We have 4 children and he does nearly everything.
In my job my boss is horrible. I get into situations where I'm scared to read my email but then I worry what might be in them.
When I get home I find it hard to function.
I'm so sorry I've made him feel like this.
He says he will stay but he doesn't want to talk about it. I either can't stop crying or I can't breathe I can't do this without him. I have to go to work soon. I have to look happy at work as I'm customer facing. I asked my husband if I can quit my job but he says we need the money. I've looked for another job that pays the same but nothing, if I could be home 1 or 2 days a week I think I could try to work on things. He says nothing is going to get better or worse so don't worry. I'm so confused.
How do I start today?

80+ hours a week is insane and I worked 50 to 60 a week, years ago, which I know contributed to the worsening of my bipolar illness and put me on disability.

Your husband can't stonewall it. Are you under medical/psychiatric care? If you are, share this with your doctor/therapist. If you're not getting care, get it now. If talking with your husband is difficult, write him a heartfelt letter and just give it to him. My wife and I have done that because at times face to face discussions were too emotional. She's now in therapy, I'm back in therapy.

We've had a volatile relationship since we started dating 20 years ago and marriage only made things worse. She's now dealing with issues she refused to deal with before we met. And again, even if your family needs the money, 80 hours a week isn't going to help your health or your marriage. And your husband can't keep you at arm's length. Maybe it is difficult for him to understand your psych/emotional issues but he has to. Or, if you have medical insurance, tell your psychiatrist you want or need to be hospitalized. First, it will give you a break from working yourself to death and perhaps it will be the wake up call your husband needs.

I am so sorry you are going through all this. If your husband has been your rock then I think he deserves for you to try and get some help elsewhere and show him that you are trying!!
Maybe it would be helpful to downsize in some way so you are not forced to work such long hours, that would help with the stress!!!

80 hours a week, is definitely, too much. I did that for a couple years, with moments of 60+ hours on the slower weeks. During that time, I had my first bout of Optic Neuritis, which was the beginning step towards my MS diagnosis. Was dealing with an ailing step dad, at the time, and I went from being financially responsible to financial chaos, all during that time frame. Never mind trying to maintain a full blown, committed relationship, the one I maintained was casual and squeezed between both of our insane hours at work.

About the time, I took the Thanksgiving holiday off, with a snarky comment from a demanding boss, about "I hope you 'enjoyed' your day off", um, hello! it was the last one spent with my stepdad, hope you 'enjoyed the rock you crawled out from under', was about the time I tossed my keys in and waved the white flag. Moved in with a friend, closer to my mom and stepdad and appreciated the final month with him.

Don't know why, your husband is saying you can't cut back for finances. Of course, he's doing everything around the home, you just aren't there, how could you be there, 2 full time jobs is what 80 hours adds up to. And now, his love is lost? huh?

Therapy and maybe some for him, and joint, as well. How can love be lost, if you aren't even, at home???



Just really sorry to read you are going through this. How can the home budget be reworked and revisited, to help you out some?

It's not entirely surprising that you would be away 80 hours a week and that it would cause relationship problems, but he can't tell you he doesn't love you and then tell you how to live your life. He couldn't do it even if he did.

If you need the money so bad, he can do extra hours while you do less. Either that or find a solution to whatever financial problem is causing you to work so many hours that you're going to burn yourself out.

What exactly's stopping you from getting a new job?

Sending you a hug. Breathe. And again.
Working that many hours must be really hard on your home life. It sounds like your husband wants to keep your marriage? What can you do today? Maybe just give each other a hug. That works in my house when things get crazy.

Breathe. And again...

Whatever you do in the practical - and I also fervently hope you both do something that results in reduction of your insanely inhumane work hours - keep drawing the next breath, seeing the best in yourself and in your husband ... he is still there and his feeling of love for you will return. I'm sending love to you and the universe/God loves you too