[razeljenny]

Have you lost someone from outside interference knowing that without their crap it would have worked. (I realize that if the partner was "that" weak to begin with, than oh well, but still you know what I mean!

I was in an ongoing abusive situation where one or more of my abusers would contact my friends and threaten them to get to me when I went public. Some of those friends hung tight right along with me and some of those friends because they had to think about their families and children and the possibility of those t hreats being carried out could endanger them, and their loved ones had to pull back away and help me from a distance in ways that the abusers would not be able to attack them too. and others told me find me when the abuse is nop longer an issue because I can't have this in my life again.

[razeljenny]

I had that happen too. (it was a nine yr. love that finally we ended for the sanity of my mind-he could have gone on forever with crap.) I see what you meant. I am just happy (with this new friendship-relationship-less than 3 months into personally getting close to) that before there was hitting and threats, I found out the type of minds I was getting involved with. It is just the much his fault for picking to not disclose things to me directly and sneakly doing stuff behind my back to justify his high profile and my low estate I am still crushed!!!!!!!

yea I know. Hang in t here.

[SeptemberMorn]

Yeah, but it wasn't a partner that I lost.

[razeljenny]

I know, you have had the same experience with your family member and I respect you for you have been through this kind of craftiness.

I wanted to be bitter. Yes I wished to lash out. I wished to cause the same or greater hurt. I waited, I confessed to others outside the group and to myself what my adgenda was about to be. I got my senses back very angerly and slowly but I got them. I am dizzy and blurry eyed. I am so close and yet so so far to lashing out at the others.

Just that I am beautiful. I am spectacular. I am lovely. I am good through and through. Yea, I am sometimes a crappy woman but generally I am "Neat" So there. I know I am "Neat" That is ALL that I hear in my head. I hear it loudly.

Also, I enjoyed his company and to prove it I am going to be a woman, and real women act female. I could go slap people around ( I know how and CAN) But I am tired of being a defeating fighting %#@&#!.

I want to smell good, feel good and not keep getting garbage put on my plate. The bad Karma I put out will come back sooner or later irreguardless of who "Started IT FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need a breath. I vented. I am your friend SeptemberMorn and I was with you when you were going through IT. So thank you. I am thankful because I wasn't the ONLY ONE it happened to.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{razeljenny}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, Hon! I really do appreciate your words!

"I AM a NEAT person! ... I AM a NEAT person!" Yeah! So there... too!