Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Oct 18, 2013, 11:55 PM
Curious86 Curious86 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 8
I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. It was only until a few months ago that I started having episodes of jealousy and distrust. I'm constantly bringing up his past. He was engaged many years ago, the relationship went sour...long story short he ended up cheating. I knew this going in, in fact he was very honest about it when the topic came up during the beginning of our relationship. He was sorry that it happened and vowed to be a changed man. He's been nothing but great to me, yet when I blow up in arguments I use this against him. It's almost like putting him on a guilt trip and I know it's wrong.

I've called him every name in the book, belittled his manhood, accused him of flirting with other females, the list goes on. He's not my first "victim" in fact I've treated all serious intimate relationships the same.

I've recently started researching BPD and think I'm a prime candidate. Control issues, jealousy rampages, the love you-hate you bits. I'm seeking self control, as it's something I seem to lack. I really don't want this to be another failed relationship, but it will be if I continue lashing out.

Am I just as "crazy" as he says or can this be fixed? I'd appreciate feedback.

advertisement
  #2  
Old Oct 19, 2013, 02:41 AM
manwithnofriends manwithnofriends is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2013
Posts: 488
Good on you, you've admitted you've done something wrong, so the first thing to do is offer your apologies. If they are not accepted then it's his fault.
__________________
A "Stephen Hawking institute of technology"? That's ****!
  #3  
Old Oct 19, 2013, 04:44 AM
aakriti90feb aakriti90feb is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: Mohali, Punjab,India
Posts: 31
it happens, girls doubt on boys this way, but the thing is now you know what is wrong at your side, so you have to put some efforts from your side also. do not wry, it will be fine.
__________________


http://www.facebook.com/medguru
  #4  
Old Oct 20, 2013, 12:50 AM
Curious86 Curious86 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 8
I've apologized countless times and he's always been open and forgiving. Once I come down from my "high" I feel completely ashamed. No one deserves to be treated the way I treat him. I do the same with my family, especially my dad. I hate that I'm not in control of my emotions and the fact that I let them consume me. He's mentioned that I should talk to someone and maybe I should. Maybe this was a long time coming.

Does anyone with diagnosed BPD ever feel this way?
  #5  
Old Oct 21, 2013, 06:56 AM
aakriti90feb aakriti90feb is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: Mohali, Punjab,India
Posts: 31
You are right, girl. BPD causes intense mood swings, This causes troubled relationships with everyone, i am sorry.
__________________


http://www.facebook.com/medguru
  #6  
Old Oct 21, 2013, 07:52 PM
RomanSunburn's Avatar
RomanSunburn RomanSunburn is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,293
You've identified the problem, and that's great! But you can also admit that what you've been doing isn't changing anything, so you need to start making some changes yourself. I think talking to a therapist is a good place to start. I'd also start journaling. A therapist will be able to help you develop coping skills and ways to diffuse the anger before it gets out of control. It's going to be in baby steps, but you can get there.

A side note... When my husband and I were dating, I had latched on to some negative thing in his past and I'd bring it up any time I got upset. Then I realized (after lots of journaling) that the reason I was bringing it up is because I was actually upset about something completely different, but it was my go-to emotion. I knew it and it was 'comfortable.' So once I realized that, I'd stop myself and say, "Wait a minute. You know you're over this. What are you really upset about?" It really helped, and I think after the first couple times of doing that, I stopped bringing it up at all, and was able to start working on what was actually upsetting me using "I" statements. (I statements: I feel __[specific emotion]__ when you do __[their action]__ because __[why their action makes you feel that way]__.)

The goal is really to slow down when your emotions start getting high and interrupt the cycle. It'll take a lot of practice (and actually a lot of practice when you're not even angry so when you are angry, it'll come to you easier). But you can get there.
Reply
Views: 694

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:26 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.