[MCHFRB]

A few weeks ago a "friend" who has been friend/lover on and off depending how the mood takes him, spent 2 weeks in our area. As we live very far apart, the 2 weeks was wonderful.We saw each other daily, and built up a relationship which we were not able to do over the past few years living so far apart.We were also physically intimate.

After he had left he told me how things would never be the same again, and how we had moved to a different level in our relationship.It was not ONE day later, and he changed completely.

All the warmth, affection etc vanished overnight.Whereas we had shared daily chats and details about all sorts of odds and ends, he started avoiding my calls, ignoring messages.You van imagine how distraught I felt...after the closeness and emotional and physical intimacy, he had gone cold.The more I have tried to find out what happened, what changed, the worse it has become.He has shut me off with the silent treatment and has refused to talk to me about what is going on that he has changed so.

I feel that I have every right to know what has happened- from him promising me we would never go back to just friends, to shutting me off totally.I cant process it.He then called me "crazy obsessed" and said if I wanted any relationship with him it would be friends, and I must just accept that.

The more I have tried to find out what happened, it seems to me the more he has enjoyed watching me squirm and ignoring me.I can't understand why someone would do that to another human, especially when they had claimed to have such strong feelings for them a few weeks ago?Why?

I am sure I will never get answers so I have just stopped trying to contact him, and it has been 3 days since he spoke to me.I will not contact him first.The thing is that I know he is "waiting for me to calm down" before he re- appears.I can never win...any time I ask a question I am told I ask too many questions and it is tiresome or I am just ignored.

I am left feeling as if the rug has been pulled out from me because I feel my judgement was all off - clearly he never felt anything when he was here, and for some reason made it all up.Now he is avoiding any confrontation(any disagreement of opinion he calls "fighting")....yet the more he does that the more I want answers and so he keeps quiet.

I just don't know what happened or what to do.It hurts a lot.

[arachnophobia.kid]

I don't believe that he is trying to hurt you but I think that he is very confused with what he feels for you. Also, unfortunately, it seems like he is not self aware and is ignorant of the responsibility he has to treat you with decency. To put it simply I believe that you deserve better than this, don't you?

I think he is making a mistake to treat you this way but I also think he is only human and he deserves forgiveness. I would recommend that you stop trying to get in touch with him, I know that is hard, but don't you think it's making things worse? Do you think he can really help you?

Originally Posted by MCHFRB

A few weeks ago a "friend" who has been friend/lover on and off depending how the mood takes him, spent 2 weeks in our area. As we live very far apart, the 2 weeks was wonderful.We saw each other daily, and built up a relationship which we were not able to do over the past few years living so far apart.We were also physically intimate.

After he had left he told me how things would never be the same again, and how we had moved to a different level in our relationship.It was not ONE day later, and he changed completely.

All the warmth, affection etc vanished overnight.Whereas we had shared daily chats and details about all sorts of odds and ends, he started avoiding my calls, ignoring messages.You van imagine how distraught I felt...after the closeness and emotional and physical intimacy, he had gone cold.The more I have tried to find out what happened, what changed, the worse it has become.He has shut me off with the silent treatment and has refused to talk to me about what is going on that he has changed so.

I feel that I have every right to know what has happened- from him promising me we would never go back to just friends, to shutting me off totally.I cant process it.He then called me "crazy obsessed" and said if I wanted any relationship with him it would be friends, and I must just accept that.

The more I have tried to find out what happened, it seems to me the more he has enjoyed watching me squirm and ignoring me.I can't understand why someone would do that to another human, especially when they had claimed to have such strong feelings for them a few weeks ago?Why?

I am sure I will never get answers so I have just stopped trying to contact him, and it has been 3 days since he spoke to me.I will not contact him first.The thing is that I know he is "waiting for me to calm down" before he re- appears.I can never win...any time I ask a question I am told I ask too many questions and it is tiresome or I am just ignored.

I am left feeling as if the rug has been pulled out from me because I feel my judgement was all off - clearly he never felt anything when he was here, and for some reason made it all up.Now he is avoiding any confrontation(any disagreement of opinion he calls "fighting")....yet the more he does that the more I want answers and so he keeps quiet.

I just don't know what happened or what to do.It hurts a lot.

This sounds like me and my bf. He is BPD and I believe NPD as well....and the ability he has of just 'turning it off' is shocking. I know you hurt. I did to...still do...still can't process it. All you can do is try to look ahead, instead of behind. Looking back is what hurts, but you do need to realize that this man, the one he is now is who he always has been.

I'm so sorry you got hurt. Try to let it go. It will never make sense but eventually, it won't hurt so much

[MCHFRB]

Thank you for such kind, gentle and truthful words. I have stopped trying to contact him, for a good few days now.The funny thing is that I am the most level headed, sensible, consistent person and yet his silent treatment brings out a side of me which I really don't like - it is not who I am. I feel sad that I have been there to see him through many trials over the past years, yet whenever I need someone, he is just not there.And he "picks up" with me after a while as if nothing has happened....

I DO believe that emotionally he is very immature and I know a lot of it has to do with his childhood...but I can't be the "punching bag" just because he feels secure that I will never let him down(because I have never done that to him in the past, I have always been loyal).

I DO deserve better...it's just to move past the pain of the moment, and that still stings.

[MCHFRB]

Update: I received a message from him a few days after this post' asking "if I was still upset." As I was in a bad place at the time and didnt really know what I could say, I just didn't respond.Eventually, after talking to someone who said that by saying nothing, I am in fact saying a lot..I decided to respond.I said that "upset" was no the adjective I would use, and said that I had been in a rather bad place emotionally( depression).

Guess what?Absolutely NO response from him AT ALL, AND....he blocked me on a social network site.To say that I was stunned is an understatement.No word of explanation, nothing.

Suppose that is that.I will never get the answers I wanted, but I sure know how the land lies!!

[PeachCream22]

What the...? Sounds a lot like my ex. He talks to me and enjoys my squirming too, and then makes me feel I'm the one at fault. And I did fall for it.

Don't contact him. Obviously he doesn't care enough to ask more and even blocked you! But I do think he is being human and making a mistake though. Nevertheless, you shouldn't put up with this sort of treatment. Ask him a question, ignored, when he asks you a question, you respond (and it wasn't even near mean, your response I mean) and he blocks you. What? Where is the logic here?

Ignore him. He shouldn't waste anymore of your time. Sorry if this sounds harsh, maybe your experience is mirroring mine right now and I'm feeling angry and hurt even though you are the one suffering.