[halbrooksprincez3]

I just got married about a month ago.

Everything was fine, and it still is, I just dont understand one thing.

He has recently been doing things that he wants to do, which is great, im all supportive, but if i do something, he just kinda gets all butthurt.

For instance, today, he fell asleep after work. Hes been sleeping all day. But, if i were to do it, and not text him or whatnot, he kinda freaks out and wonders what im doing all day.

Now, a little background....

He has ADHD. I'm not entirely sure if that has something to do with it, but I dont get it.

Does it have something to do with it, or am i just being super paranoid with it?

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central! Off hand, I wouldn't think ADHD would have anything to do with that behavior. Have you pointed out the double standards to him? It sounds like he is the one who is feeling rather paranoid or insecure.

I have a friend who has been married a long time to a man. Every time we go shopping he has to call or text her--sometimes more than once. She says he gets bored at work, for one thing.

Is there generally any reason why you can't make contact with him at least once during the day? He just might have the idea in his head that that's what a wife should do.

I hope the two of you can talk about this matter and come to some happy resolution.

[halbrooksprincez3]

We do talk all day, and when we can text each other we can. I dont understand why there is a double standard. I asked him about it, and he told me he just doesnt want to lose me. I tell him everyday that he wont.

[Bugeaud]

How long have you seen this guy before you got married? Because this sounds pretty strange to be happening out of the blue...

[halbrooksprincez3]

We "dated" about a year and half before my wedding. We "dated" for like 3 months.

Then we stopped talking for a year and a half.

Then we picked up talking for like a week.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by halbrooksprincez3

For instance, today, he fell asleep after work. Hes been sleeping all day. But, if i were to do it, and not text him or whatnot, he kinda freaks out and wonders what im doing all day.

Now, a little background....

He has ADHD. I'm not entirely sure if that has something to do with it, but I dont get it.

Does it have something to do with it, ?

Coincidentally enough, my exh, used to be rather similar, about freaking out, about me, if I didn't respond, immediately, to texts or phone calls. He has never, to my current knowledge, been diagnosed with ADHD, however, that was something suggested to me, by my talk therapist, during a session, a while back.[Adult ADHD]. My exh, before the finalization of divorce, did have a couple other labels as a prognosis.

Fear of abandonment/rejection, is part of one of those. You're not being there, immediately, to respond, because you fell asleep, sounds like a trigger for him.

Regardless, I can see why, it's frustrating. Had, your husband, ever behaved like this, before exchanging vows?

[halbrooksprincez3]

Yes, he has, but it wasnt this bad.

[Webgoji]

The double standard is usually quite normal from what I've seen. Heck, as far as the napping goes, I can fall asleep any time, anywhere, but my wife can't so she makes sure to wake me up if I fall asleep on the couch.

The texting thing though ... that bothers me. "Freaking out" like you said when he doesn't text you back sounds an awful lot like the start of some controlling behavior. It may be nothing, but can escalate into abuse. I'm not saying that's what it is, just that it's sounds like a concerning behavior.

Also, when you feel like something is amiss in your relationship, like a double standard, it doesn't hurt to go see a marriage counselor. It doesn't mean you're about to break up, it means you're doing what you need to strengthen the marriage.

[avlady]

Yes a counselor of marriage sounds like it is in order now, before things escelate, there is a double standard here, talk to him about it, there must be communication to solve this problem. I know myself i need alot of sleep and it just comes over me where i can't help it and need to sleep even if it's in the afternoon.