[RDMercer]

I've been with my wife since almost 20 years. I had girlfriends and passionate moments before her, but she was my first, in many ways, including my first love. She remains the only woman I have ever loved.

My wife, more than me, comes from a strong Christian background. She was very restrained in our physical lives. After we married, we had a lot of problems in the bed room. I doubt we spent an hour a month having sex even during our first year together. In retrospect, I could have made that situation better. By late 1998 or early 1999, I had come to the conclusion there just wouldn't be much sex in my life. I turned to internet porn.

Since then, I have lied repeatedly to cover my ***. But last year, I failed to delete some content from our computer. She confronted me, and I admitted it. She was devastated, but over the next few month our sex lives soared. Then crashed. As time has gone on, I have had to face just how much I damaged her, and her realization of my lies and betrayal has grown too.

I read Gottman, and realized what I did was truly infidelity. She feels unattractive, hurt, can't trust me. I have had to face the fact that I watched images where women were being exploited for money... Probably disease ridden women, prostitutes, people relying on drugs to "perform", young uneducated women who were being exploited or who couldn't foresee the consequences of making a movie clip and putting it on the Net.

My wife loves me, and I love her deeply. I haven't touched anything pornographic in a year. Sex isn't so important to me anymore. She is repulsed by me sexually, and has told me many times she has considered leaving me, and that she may never have sex with me again.

For the past year, I have been trying to connect with her deeply (as per Gottman) and trying to spoil her (101 nights of great romance) with NO expectations of sex. We have been in counselling as well. Progress has been limited.

I'm married to a gem, a beautiful, intelligent, educated woman who was pure to me before our marriage. I didn't care for her as I should have, and damn near lost her. I never nurtured HER, I never tried to connect with deep emotion.

What else can i do? I want to hear from women that have been through this. What could your husband have done to connect with you and make you feel special again after this type of infidelity? I want to help her heal. How can we move forward?

RDM

[Leed]

Personally, I think you're a gem. You admitted your mistake, and you're trying VERY hard to make up for it.

The fact that your wife LOVES you shows that there IS hope. I doubt that she is "repulsed" by you, because if she really was I don't think she could still love you. How can you love someone that REPULSES you? I don't think you can.

I think she just won't let go of the sight of that porn, and she's going to HAVE to. She probably pictures you doing things like that with other women or something, and she's got to get those visions out of her head. She needs INDIVIDUAL counseling, and if she's not in it, encourage her to go perhaps to a woman therapist who would better understand what's going on in her head.

My ex used to LOVE porn, but the difference with US is that I didn't even LIKE him, let alone love him. He was cruel, abusive and controlling -- so divorce was the only answer.

Keep doing what you're doing, and IF she will go to counseling on her own, I'm sure you two will be okay. God bless and please take care. And let us know from time to time how things are, okay? Hugs, Lee

Yep, I agree with Leed, you're a gem. It's good to see someone working so hard to right their mistake, and kudos is due where it is due. It's also hard to admit a flaw, as is realising that you didn't cherish her.

We all make mistakes, some bigger than others but we all do it. I do hope that your wife can muster up some forgiveness soon and let you both move on stronger and wiser. To keep punishing you for a year and beyond for a fairly average (and common) mistake seems to be verging on the harsh. Love is about forgiveness, just as you seem to be forgiving her for threatening to leave many times and never having sex again. Moving forward has to come from both of you, and you cannot make all the effort here.

hugs

[shezbut]

It sounds like you've worked hard to show your wife that you are sorry and try to re-build her faith in your bond.

In my humble opinion, it takes time. Not just a few months of being treated as though I'm special ~ but an extended period of time. Continued reassurance would help as well. {Sometimes, people become frustrated after a few months w/ their partner and want to see positive results already.} Yes, individual therapy would probably help your wife work through her emotions a lot.

While I've never been "cheated on", nor have I been the "other woman", I have seen men cheat countless times. I have always held a very deep, intense paranoia about my man yearning for other women. I can understand how devastated your wife was to discover your behavior.

Kudos to you for understanding your wife's perspective! I really think that's terrific ~ please do continue to show your wife how important she is to you. She will slowly re-gain faith in your marriage.

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by RDMercer

I've been with my wife since almost 20 years. I had girlfriends and passionate moments before her, but she was my first, in many ways, including my first love. She remains the only woman I have ever loved.

My wife, more than me, comes from a strong Christian background. She was very restrained in our physical lives. After we married, we had a lot of problems in the bed room. I doubt we spent an hour a month having sex even during our first year together. In retrospect, I could have made that situation better. By late 1998 or early 1999, I had come to the conclusion there just wouldn't be much sex in my life. I turned to internet porn.

Since then, I have lied repeatedly to cover my ***. But last year, I failed to delete some content from our computer. She confronted me, and I admitted it. She was devastated, but over the next few month our sex lives soared. Then crashed. As time has gone on, I have had to face just how much I damaged her, and her realization of my lies and betrayal has grown too.

I read Gottman, and realized what I did was truly infidelity. She feels unattractive, hurt, can't trust me. I have had to face the fact that I watched images where women were being exploited for money... Probably disease ridden women, prostitutes, people relying on drugs to "perform", young uneducated women who were being exploited or who couldn't foresee the consequences of making a movie clip and putting it on the Net.

My wife loves me, and I love her deeply. I haven't touched anything pornographic in a year. Sex isn't so important to me anymore. She is repulsed by me sexually, and has told me many times she has considered leaving me, and that she may never have sex with me again.

For the past year, I have been trying to connect with her deeply (as per Gottman) and trying to spoil her (101 nights of great romance) with NO expectations of sex. We have been in counselling as well. Progress has been limited.

I'm married to a gem, a beautiful, intelligent, educated woman who was pure to me before our marriage. I didn't care for her as I should have, and damn near lost her. I never nurtured HER, I never tried to connect with deep emotion.

What else can i do? I want to hear from women that have been through this. What could your husband have done to connect with you and make you feel special again after this type of infidelity? I want to help her heal. How can we move forward?

RDM

wife going thru similar stuff, tho somewhat different. very hard. the best to u and ur wife!

[RDMercer]

Thanks for the feedback. For the first two responders, I thank you for your positive comments, but I really was a b*st*rd with this stuff. I didn't see it as a big deal at the time. I was never disrepectful to my wife, and my role as a provider, supporter, and father were always very important to me. I thought we just would never have a sexual life together, and I took that need elsewhere, and that is where the infidelity lies. I took a need that should have been satisfied within my marriage and went elsewhere, just as if my wife had sought emotional support from another man.

I was NOT emotionally supportive of her, not to the degree I should have been. And like I said, I openly lied to cover my *** to keep viewing porn. I never attached the same type of emotions to that activity that my wife did, and because I wasn't connected enough to her, I never FORESAW how much it would hurt her.

She sees this as a desecration of something sacred. Also, because some of the women were young (early 20's) she sees this as something of a predatory action. I am 40, biologically old enough to be their father. I should have had a mind to protect them, instead of contributing to their exploitation. She has said the biological urge is one thing, indulging it is another. She is right. She is a true mama bear who would do anything to protect her cubs. This is the action that is so repulsive to her. I've contributed to the exploitation of a very young person. Once she said this, I saw it immediately, and hate myself for it.

Since this all came out a year ago, we have had times of truly deep emotional connection. During those times, our sex life has exploded... Crazy, intense, romantic, loooooong sessions, often with her seducing me. But then, she has regrets, and she goes back to seeing me as "a dirty old man". She also goes back to not trusting me, and harbouring doubts about our security moving forward.

What can I do? Say? Right now, I am just doing my best to be my best, to connect with her, accept her, love her. Will this bring the trust back?

[daniellegillespie]

My boyfriend just did the same to me, two years ago I caught him with some "busty babes" apps on his phone and told him how I felt about them. A week ago I found out he was allowing and encouraging his friend to send him dirty text pictures of women and yes it is betrayal and I'm not sure I will stay with my boyfriend knowing this. What you proved (like him) is that you are more than willing to go behind her back and that destroys trust. You have to just keep working on it, though I will say even to me it sounds as if after a year she has maybe settled into a habit of punishing you instead of still being angry about it

[shezbut]

I wonder if this question were asked in the spiritual room might be more helpful to you. While you may not be as religious as your wife, perhaps there is a spiritual way to reassure her that you are fully committed to her in this life. That you are truly sorry for the mistakes that you've made as a man ~ you're willing to admit these love crimes to a man (or woman) of the cloth, and devote whatever dues necessary to win back your wife's sense of trust and respect.

I would recommend taking that avenue, if you are comfortable with religion. I believe that sharing this with your church leader could be very reassuring to your wife. Whether you go with or without her is up to you both.

Personally, I'm agnostic and don't hold onto any religious beliefs. BUT, I assume that if I were religious, the tip above would be very comforting to me.

[kmsmith111]

Wow, I think you're being incredibly hard on yourself. You're a human male with normal urges, and almost all men at the very least look at porn. You didn't have sex with anyone else; all you did was watch some pornographic material, and I'm sorry, that is NOT cheating.

As an insecure female, I can understand why your wife would be upset, but I really think she needs to explore why she's so bizarrely disturbed by your watching porn... she's actually "repulsed" by you now? I really think she's the one with the problem, not you, but I understand that you love her and want to make her happy. Still, you two should definitely sign on for in marriage counseling, if you haven't already.

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by RDMercer

Thanks for the feedback. For the first two responders, I thank you for your positive comments, but I really was a b*st*rd with this stuff. I didn't see it as a big deal at the time. I was never disrepectful to my wife, and my role as a provider, supporter, and father were always very important to me. I thought we just would never have a sexual life together, and I took that need elsewhere, and that is where the infidelity lies. I took a need that should have been satisfied within my marriage and went elsewhere, just as if my wife had sought emotional support from another man.

I was NOT emotionally supportive of her, not to the degree I should have been. And like I said, I openly lied to cover my *** to keep viewing porn. I never attached the same type of emotions to that activity that my wife did, and because I wasn't connected enough to her, I never FORESAW how much it would hurt her.

She sees this as a desecration of something sacred. Also, because some of the women were young (early 20's) she sees this as something of a predatory action. I am 40, biologically old enough to be their father. I should have had a mind to protect them, instead of contributing to their exploitation. She has said the biological urge is one thing, indulging it is another. She is right. She is a true mama bear who would do anything to protect her cubs. This is the action that is so repulsive to her. I've contributed to the exploitation of a very young person. Once she said this, I saw it immediately, and hate myself for it.

Since this all came out a year ago, we have had times of truly deep emotional connection. During those times, our sex life has exploded... Crazy, intense, romantic, loooooong sessions, often with her seducing me. But then, she has regrets, and she goes back to seeing me as "a dirty old man". She also goes back to not trusting me, and harbouring doubts about our security moving forward.

What can I do? Say? Right now, I am just doing my best to be my best, to connect with her, accept her, love her. Will this bring the trust back?

maybe, as a woman w a hub w similar probs, and of course, in other areas, trust is fragile and can take a long time to be rebuilt. Sometimes never quite the same way, but sometimes ok, and highly worthwhile. I wish you all the best, however you work it out!

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by daniellegillespie

My boyfriend just did the same to me, two years ago I caught him with some "busty babes" apps on his phone and told him how I felt about them. A week ago I found out he was allowing and encouraging his friend to send him dirty text pictures of women and yes it is betrayal and I'm not sure I will stay with my boyfriend knowing this. What you proved (like him) is that you are more than willing to go behind her back and that destroys trust. You have to just keep working on it, though I will say even to me it sounds as if after a year she has maybe settled into a habit of punishing you instead of still being angry about it

good point and a distinct possibility

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by kmsmith111

Wow, I think you're being incredibly hard on yourself. You're a human male with normal urges, and almost all men at the very least look at porn. You didn't have sex with anyone else; all you did was watch some pornographic material, and I'm sorry, that is NOT cheating.

As an insecure female, I can understand why your wife would be upset, but I really think she needs to explore why she's so bizarrely disturbed by your watching porn... she's actually "repulsed" by you now? I really think she's the one with the problem, not you, but I understand that you love her and want to make her happy. Still, you two should definitely sign on for in marriage counseling, if you haven't already.

Again, good points, but as the wife, I can speak to the difficulty of overcoming the repulsion factor. Still sometimes, very worthwhile to work at it!

I agree with a lot of the things already said here, but here's my own two cents:

I used to be deeply hurt, crushed, when I found my husband watching porn by seeing it on his history etc. It really crushed my spirit and I took it for years. What was baffling to me, is every single day of our twelve year relationship, I HAD SEX WITH HIM (except on the three occasions where I was in labor with our children and recovery afterwards) I did everything he ever asked...I'll leave it to the reader's imagination.

This so destroyed me. After seven years of monthly findings, even he admitting going to strip clubs and lying about it over TEN times: I CHEATED ON HIM. I could no longer stay with the man without doing that, I reasoned. I didn't cheat because of physical needs at all, but I wanted someone to make me feel loved, desired. It was with a neighbor.

I started drinking heavily also, and chatting with guys online. I stopped caring about him using porn because now, I had my own secrets. I did feel he ruined me, but in hindsight I see I was damaged beforehand, which it is absolutely common for females to feel this way regardless of relationships in the day and age of airbrushing and television that we are so lucky to have been born into.

Since then, I confessed to my husband what happened. It rocked his world.

He loves me deeply as you have described your love for your wife, and we have worked everything out and I have never cheated on him again since that isolated incidence. Our love proved strong enough to weather this storm and we have changed so much since those days.

I feel we are much closer than we were before, and I have learned a lot about myself. I was insanely insecure, which is actually a bit selfish on my part. I have changed, he has changed. We are definitely not perfect, but we're stronger than before. Thanks for sharing your story and inviting us to participate. I truly hope your marriage continues to solidify, grow and heal. Yours truly, Lightbulb7Seven

[iamnobody11235813]

Originally Posted by RDMercer

She is right. She is a true mama bear who would do anything to protect her cubs.

Since this all came out a year ago, we have had times of truly deep emotional connection. During those times, our sex life has exploded... Crazy, intense, romantic, loooooong sessions, often with her seducing me. But then, she has regrets, and she goes back to seeing me as "a dirty old man". She also goes back to not trusting me, and harbouring doubts about our security moving forward.

I can so relate to you. I am very hard on myself for things I know are my fault. I am continually critical of myself, even long after my wife has forgiven me.

Please stop that behavior. It is very destructive to a relationship, and only serves to deepen problems and discover new ones. In effect, this is what happens: First, you realize the wrong and feel guilty for it. Then, the brain tries obsessively to identify as many factors as possible that contributed to that wrong. This is prevalent in perfectionist-type personalities such as mine. You want to know every tiny little thing that made you do what you did, so that you can prevent that in the future. But what it does is create a much larger list of problems, and a magnified sense of guilt. And each and every one of those factors that the brain identifies, has its own set of guilts, and again, you obsessively pursue each of those sub-factors.

And the guilt compounds exponentially.

This is a huge roadblock to recovery, and true forgiveness cannot be attained whilst ignoring this problem. How can your wife possibly forgive you if you cannot even truly forgive yourself? Putting yourself in a perpetuating spiral of guilt only serves to hurt the both of you. Your wife is less inclined to love someone who is continually hating on themselves and making themselves and their partner feel bad. It revives those bad feelings and doesn't let them simmer down. That is why sometimes you have a good sex life, and other times you're back in the hellhole of guilt. Your constant feelings of guilt serve as a constant reminder to your partner the despicable acts you did.

At the same time, cycling through those feelings of guilt serves to make you yourself jump to conclusions about your bad behavior, and make presumptions about yourself. A lot of the time, these presumptions are inaccurate, or wildly wrong. This serves as a delay in the recovery process and the unearthing of new problems. Actions like what you did are usually rooted in more subconscious issues that need to be explored. You chose to look at porn because of problems in the bedroom, but were there other problems, such as communication or trust? If you feel that you had fantastic communication and trust with your partner prior to the incident, does she feel the same way, and to the same extent?

These types of things are commonly caused by numerous factors, and can be complex. But constantly putting yourself on guilt trips will do the opposite of what you intend. It will make you feel continually worse about yourself, it will make your wife feel less connected to you, and it will impede progress to recovery and forgiveness. These factors need to be talked about openly and calmly, with an attitude of understanding, and without any bias against oneself or shaming going on.

I have experienced a similar incident to you, and occasionally do still have problems with it. I have the same nature to be overly critical of myself, but am only recently realizing the effects that behavior can have. It is an ongoing process for me too, but I know that being overly hard on myself is a destructive behavior and unhealthy for a marriage relationship.

Also, refrain from continually thinking of your wife as an all-amazing and wonderful person. In a way, it's a subconscious justification for one's acts; you feel great remorse for your actions, and so any contrast with your wife becomes a very stark contrast, and results in the extremely positive classification of your spouse. By comparing the despicable with the good, the good becomes wonderful, even divine. And this creates another agent in the army of factors building on your guilt.

It's great to love your wife and to think highly of her. But if you take it to the extreme, repercussions take place and balancing has to take place as well. And it usually balances in the form of you putting yourself down, and taking that to the extreme like you are doing. We should indeed think highly of our spouses, but at the same time we should think highly of ourselves. How can our spouse think highly of us - as we do to them - if we don't share those same feelings about ourselves? Partners in a marriage relationship are meant to be equal. Each person's thoughts and feelings should have equal importance.

I notice this kind of "immortalizing the wife" behavior especially frequently in religion, at least in the LDS faith, because of where I live. It is applauded and encouraged, but is very damaging and unhealthy to the relationship. One partner feels like they are above the other, and the other is convinced they are indeed below their partner. That's an extreme, but it is so common here it's like a massive plague. The person who puts themselves down and puts the other up has their self-esteem and self-value at stake, and the person who is being treated as the higher person either feels higher and more mighty because of it, or they feel sorry for the other person and unattracted to them, do not desire to be around them anymore. Either way, it is a destructive agent to an otherwise healthy marriage relationship.

My guess is your wife has some deeply rooted insecurities about various topics such as pornography. I am not condoning the act, I'm saying her insecurities and anxieties need to be talked about. They need to be approached in a calm and loving manner. The following is within the context of the LDS religion. In the LDS religion, many, many women are like your wife, only to a dangerous extreme. Buried way, way under all that cultural conditioning is a real person who has real, genuine thoughts and feelings on things, even if they are unrealized. Great effort is required to be able to peel back all those layers and talk to the real person, to discover their true feelings. And yet, that is what is necessary to even begin the road to a happier place.

Please do not think that in order for you to abolish your numerous feelings of guilt means to feel okay with what you've done. Those are two extremes that are not okay. There is a healthy balance in realizing the wrong in what you've done, but realizing that we are all human, and sometimes our actions are caused by a complex series of factors and conditions, and we need to realize that. Then, we need to realize that our partner is every bit as susceptible to the same amount of factors and conditions that can cause them to do things they'd regret.

We need to realize that both us and our partners are these horribly imperfect and flawed beings that love each other. And we need to be okay with that nature of imperfection, else we are living in denial and an imaginary world in which we create numerous more problems for ourselves and the ones we love.

Because there is that love, every ounce of effort possible should be spent in trying to truly understand the other person, and what ultimately matters is that you love each other.

My apologies for anything I wrote that is not applicable to you and your wife. More than likely, it is a reflection of my own experience.

[hamster-bamster]

I have never been a wife of a porn viewer but I just want to add a touch of reality - there is nothing deeply wrong in the attraction of a 40 year old male to an adult 20 year old female, and given the current practices on the age of acquiring your first born, no, you would not be a father to 20 year old women.

I think there should be some conversations between the two of you to get her in touch with reality as well - she seems to be very far from it.

Nor do you have an obligation to feel paternal to anonymous women who were hopefully paid to perform in porn. If you want to feel paternal to strangers (beyond what you do by fathering your own children), try fostering a child. It would make MUCH more practical sense then believing that your not watching the screen images of 20 year old women would contribute to the happiness of the humankind.

Good luck!

[hamster-bamster]

PS I noticed that you spelled p*rn. This website uses standard software that puts asterisks in obscene words, such as ****. Porn is not such a word - see, I have just spelled it with no asterisks.

It seems that your choice to put an asterisk reflects that your view of how bad porn is non-standard.

[RDMercer]

Wow...

What a dose of realism from all of you!

iamnobody, that was amazingly informative.

hamster-bamster, thanks for relieving some overwhelming guilt.

So, as things stand right now, I can respect her beliefs, without necessarily feeling guilty for my own physical feelings. Indulging on those feelings is another issue.

See the good in her, but don't put her on too much of a pedastel. See that she is human too.

Keep my word to her to stop the behaviour, and keep gratification of all kinds within our marriage, as that is what we both want.

Go through a period of spiritual renewal (confession to pastor, new rings, renewal of vows) which we have begun.

Speak to someone we respect about our problems. We've spoken openly to my father and her parents. They were supportive of our marriage and not judgemental.

Maintain my new behaviours without wallowing in the guilt of the past. It will just bring us down. Working on that.

Work on communication... Been working on that with counselor and through Gottman stuff, which has been helpful. I've struggled with expressing empathy and physical desire in a way that she needs and understands. She has had realy problems expressing physical desire and being overt about her sexual wants/needs.

And in the past two days she has rocked me with an amazing night between the sheets and her assertions that she wants me and wants to move forward!

[daniellegillespie]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I have never been a wife of a porn viewer but I just want to add a touch of reality - there is nothing deeply wrong in the attraction of a 40 year old male to an adult 20 year old female, and given the current practices on the age of acquiring your first born, no, you would not be a father to 20 year old women.

I think there should be some conversations between the two of you to get her in touch with reality as well - she seems to be very far from it.

Nor do you have an obligation to feel paternal to anonymous women who were hopefully paid to perform in porn. If you want to feel paternal to strangers (beyond what you do by fathering your own children), try fostering a child. It would make MUCH more practical sense then believing that your not watching the screen images of 20 year old women would contribute to the happiness of the humankind.

Good luck!

I asked my mother once if my dad had pictures of naked/almost naked women up would that bother her and she (of course) said yes. My mother is the most secure person ever, totally balanced. She said if my dad could look her in the eye and say he was okay with one of those women being me or my sister or her or his niece, she would accept it because then he wouldn't be a hypocrite. If you wouldn't want it to be your wife/daughter/sister you shouldn't exploit other peoples wives/daughters/sisters

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by daniellegillespie

I asked my mother once if my dad had pictures of naked/almost naked women up would that bother her and she (of course) said yes. My mother is the most secure person ever, totally balanced. She said if my dad could look her in the eye and say he was okay with one of those women being me or my sister or her or his niece, she would accept it because then he wouldn't be a hypocrite. If you wouldn't want it to be your wife/daughter/sister you shouldn't exploit other peoples wives/daughters/sisters

I do not see exploitation but see porn as part of market economy and if you want to stop exploitation you should work towards better working conditions for migrant farm workers and children in sweatshops.

In other words, it helps to have priorities that are aligned on reality.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by daniellegillespie

I asked my mother once if my dad had pictures of naked/almost naked women up would that bother her and she (of course) said yes. My mother is the most secure person ever, totally balanced.

I do not understand the bold part - why "of course"?

one of my boyfriends once pinned up a topless picture of an Italian singer saying that he liked it because she looked like me and I took it as a compliment. Even had he watched women having a shape different from mine, I would not have objected to it.

So, no of course.

[hamster-bamster]

I have actually lived in California's Central Valley and watched migrant Mexican workers spending days under hot California sun without any shade tending lettuce, tomatoes, and artichokes, spending their days with the backs curved in a position that must have hurt terribly, doing endlessly boring and repetitive work day in and day out and breathing in toxic pesticides.

Clearly, porn actresses have better working conditions and do not breathe in pesticides and the work is not as dumbing.

Originally Posted by RDMercer

her assertions that she wants me and wants to move forward!

Best news! Congrats and I hope things just keep getting better :-)

[daniellegillespie]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I do not understand the bold part - why "of course"?

one of my boyfriends once pinned up a topless picture of an Italian singer saying that he liked it because she looked like me and I took it as a compliment. Even had he watched women having a shape different from mine, I would not have objected to it.

So, no of course.

Of course because she is my mother and thus the basis for my values. I knew her answer before she said it because I share it. If some women are okay with it or complimented by it power to them. I was raised that it wasn't okay and power to me as well. In a relationship the values have to match, you might not share the same ones but they should be respected no matter what they are

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by daniellegillespie

Of course because she is my mother and thus the basis for my values. I knew her answer before she said it because I share it. If some women are okay with it or complimented by it power to them. I was raised that it wasn't okay and power to me as well. In a relationship the values have to match, you might not share the same ones but they should be respected no matter what they are

If that is the case, then you need to be more careful with your word choice when you post. The way you used the word "of course" implied that any woman, if faced with this question, would answer the way your mom did, which is not at all the case and has nothing to do with values.

So you should have not written "of course" but should have written "as I, of course, expected from her" - just a few more words would have made your point clear and would have prevented me from wasting my time on an unnecessary question to you. Since I am not in general a mind reader, I just go based on the face value of words used and nothing else.

So please think your posts through more carefully, as it would show respect to the whole PC community.

Thanks.

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

Best news! Congrats and I hope things just keep getting better :-)

YAY from me, too. Happy for you both!