Dysfunctional family here

My family is so dysfunctional. My spouse and I can't stop fighting with our 20 yr old son. We can't communicate with him at all without fighting. Even I'm guilty. I get so moody and irritable being in the same room as my son. This is so sad. I feel terrible that I hurt him so with my words.

We want him out and working, but yet our fighting and words just drive him back into his room.

Sometimes I feel like there's so much negative energy in this house. My husband gets moody just walking in the front door.

We even fight about him when we attempt date night and trips out of the house.

That must be very frustrating for everyone. We used to have family meeting nights. Everyone could bring up concerns, requests and catch up on things. No judging, no fighting, just gathering information as to how everyone was feeling. Maybe your son really wants a job and to be on his own but needs your help to do it. Both of my daughters moved out and then back home a couple of times. That's nothing to be ashamed of. You just need to stop the fighting though, it really serves NO purpose. As Dr. Phil would say, someone has to step up and be the hero and lead your family into harmony. Believe me there will come a day when you will miss your son terribly...the day you know he's gone for good. He's really still pretty young, you know. The human brain isn't fully developed until age 25! Hugs!

You may be right: the house might have negative energy. It does exist and spread, unfortunately.
Meet outside the house, at the restaurant, park, library, wherever and see if anything changes.
In the while I would start looking for some counsellor to improve communication in your family.
You are the parent, so you must take responsibility on how to sort that out.

I like Hannabee advice, the problem is that if you have forgotten how to talk without criticizing one another, it seems a bit difficult that it could really work

He's 20, living at home, and not working? Is he in school full time? If not I can see why there is tension between you. I personally would not allow that to happen. If 18+ get a job, be looking for one or be in school. I'm not going to be there for my kids forever so they need to start making their way toward independence. I'm not sure if this is the source of a lot of the tension and if I'm incorrect please forgive me.

The negativity related to your son has to have a source. The way you state it, it doesn't sound like it's been something that's gone on forever but of late. If that's the case I'd try to figure out what is at the root of your negative perspective of him. Without that you will not be able to remedy the situation and it will keep going on.

Thanks everyone. A major source of frustration is his inability to find and keep a job. He was working for the last few months and things seemed to be improving. Then his psych issues inflate and he is constantly home. Things just go downhill from there.

He won't see the counselor or get help. My husband, his father, told him he goes back to counseling or he'll be homeless. We just can't live with the chaos anymore. I'm BP and it's making my symptoms flare up.

We have lost control of the situation.

This is difficult i suppose because technically he's an adult but if he's having his own issues he'll need as much support from his family as they can offer. I think it needs to be offered at a distance though - if he's not always able to function adequately maybe supported housing could be looked into or a therapeutic community? I'm not in the US so i understand those sorts of things can be very costly but maybe his health provider would have some advice on the issue? If you think that's a stretch too far maybe an ultimatum of sorts needs to be delivered once he's in a better frame of mind. I think if the focus is put on the fact that it would ultimately be the best for him, he might be more open to the idea. I mean, i don't know of many people in that age category who don't want a life of their own. And maybe that's what's frustrating him - if the counselling wasn't very good or he wasn't feeling heard by his last doctor could a new one be found? I think there are options in situations like these but flexibility needs to be in supply and sadly when tensions are high this isn't easy. I wish you luck in finding a solution.

My son had an episode the other day. He's terrified of needles and he swears a lady pricked him who had Hep C. Now he's super fixated on this thought. He showed me a mark that was only acne. He's convinced he was stabbed.

He said he called his old counselor. I told him he needs to make an appointment, which he hasn't done. He was talking about admitting himself to a hospital, but hasn't. I hope and pray he gets help soon. Even goes back on meds.

I feel so bad for him. When my oldest son had psychotic breaks it was easier for me to get him admitted due to his cognitive delays. My youngest is more independent so he has more say. I tried an involuntary admission once and they sent him home because he was capable.

The stress is just too much. I'm BP and feel his psychosis is triggering me. Plus his dad just can't handle it at all.