Difficulty with girlfriend's sexual history

AusTexan, that stuff about oxytocin is incredibly simplistic (read - wrong). Women can orgasm from solo sex - which whom do they then bond? Most people have had more than one partner and have not lost the ability to create intimacy. When you are presented with a theory - and theories are currently overflowing on all sorts of things with a flavor of pseudoscience, such as your oxytocin thingie, taking advantage of the situation in which, one the one hand, people are illiterate in life sciences (biology, chemistry, etc.) because of poorly funded public schools, but on the other hand, people think highly of things that "sound" scientific, so as a result, if I go out trying to sell a woodoo medicine on the market I'd not have much success, but if I go out trying to sell a scientific-sounding theory (thus, pseudoscience is the operative word) to the masses, I would have success.

So you have been sold on pseudoscience. To be completely precise, it may be warped and incomplete science, but that still leaves the end product at the pseudoscience stage.

I just have one question. Do you have children? Did your wife nurse them? Because, you know, the MAJOR (!!!) applications of oxytocin is childbirth and lactation. So I wonder how she fared in that department, and if she fared well, what conclusions did you draw about the validity of your little theory, according to which your wife is unable to secrete oxytocin due to multiple trysts that happened in the last millennium?

Okay, this sounds weird but I didn't tell my husband about all the details of my sex life before him. I didn't do anything that wild or anything, but I did not go into exactly numbers or whatever. I just said there had been "a few". He said the same thing. I don't really care to know his every detail. I've been happily married for 28 years and just haven't seen the need to be COMPLETELY honest about everything. It just gets rid of your guilt and hurts the other party.

You are totally within your right to decide what to tell or not to tell. It does not sound weird. The oxytocin "hypothesis" is far weirder, and your story is just one common variant of things.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? How did you handle it?[/QUOTE]

Really, almost everyone in modern life has to handle this issue. My former wife had had several lovers before me, whom she married. I was stupid to have obeyed the social dictum "You'll appear jealous if you ask too many questions." The social dictum is for fools. What does society care if you have a good marriage? Society only cares that you are married. Other people don't even want you to have an extremely intimate relationship with someone; other people's desire is to horn in somehow on your relationship. So you must define for yourself what your intimacy-level should be, and when I was in my twenties I was too unconfident of myself to do that. So I married a woman who kept things secret, who was always saying "That's an old problem. Just forget about it. Why are you always bringing up old things?"

Well, because those "old things" just kept cropping up--if not every day, then at least once a week. I'm not kidding.

In the beginning I knew because she told me that she'd had, say, three or four boyfriends. By the time I divorced her, that small number had grown to about seven boyfriends and 40 one-night stands. Numerous times I stumbled upon her flirting like an idiot. All of this I would have understood in the beginning if I'd only demanded to know more and more and then more again. That's who I am; I recognize my need is very great to know someone, the truth of someone, and for them not to be keeping secrets from me that other people share with her instead. My former wife was really quite proud of her successes and so couldn't help but "share" them with virtually everyone except me.

Determine your comfort level. If you're comfortable with someone not telling you everything, then great. Oh. One more thing. Remember what you're comfortable with now might not be what you're comfortable with in your fifties. By that time, we want a whole lot more out of life, believe me. We want truth as well as fun.

I had the same problem, it really differs from person to person but as soon as we broke up she went back to her old ways

I guess some people don't change

But that is based on the individual

I say, give her the benefit of the doubt and trust her, some people change