can you clear something up for me?

ok, my b/f and I have been off and on and we just recently got back together..one of our problems is I have 3 kids and he was brought up very strict .my family is more layed back .My B.F doesnt have any kids ....ok here is what happened..my son 13 , wanted to go to halloween party and my b/f was here ..my son didnt have a ride so he was talking to me and asked me if " I thought that my daughters b/f would take him? ..ok MY B/F is just sitting there..So anyways , the daughters b/f said "yes" ..AFTER my son went into room to get dressed MY B/F said" I would of taken him ,If he would have asked me...NOW here is the thing ..I kinda was upset because I felt if the B/F really wanted to take him why didn't he just offer? My son doesnt know how to approach my B/F sometimes and I think it would of been nice of him to offer on his own....My B/F said " He wasnt brought up that way, if you want something you need to ask" ..my family would offer to do for anyone if they could ...was I wrong for getting alittle upset with my B/F ? I just feel it would have made a big difference and the next time maybe my son would feel comfortable asking him . I hope I didn't confuse you too much ..I don't know how to handle it because it made me alittle embarrished that my daughters B/F had to take him and not mine ...please help ..I know its really petty but we argue about my kids and how they are so different than the way he was brought up alot....I just dont know what to do anymore

You may have been bought up in a differnt upbring but so has your bf. There was alot of miscommunication between you guys. As for parents you must be able to talk to one another on agreeing on how to raise your childern. There may be things that you guys could not totally agree on but thats when compromise comes into play. You must knowledge and respect that your bf's upbringing is different from yours. It sounded as though your bf didn't flat out said that he wouldn't help out at all. Once you and your bf comes to an agreement on how things should be when it comes to helping one another out with your children then it would also be alot easier for the children.

Clear communication is the KEY!!

J...it sounds like you two are trying to make a go of it, but I think you should have said, (and I would have!), well, you should have offered!
Patty

sometimes guys are in their own world and only seem to come back into reality when it's too late. Upbringing though has alot to do with it. My husband is like that. If you don't ask you don't get. I used to expect him to do things in his own free will. It never happened. So now I ask. The kids know they have to ask too.

Joannof3, I think that your are in the middle of a war of control, and I don't mean this in a bad way, but there are too many complicated and different relantionships going around you.
First, I don't know of any child that doesn't want desperately their mother's attention, and also, your b/f is in the picture now.
One thing i see clear. You have to be the adult and the best protection for your children.
And Also i think your b/f should think more like an adult and put himself in your children's shoes sometimes.
Best of luck to you!

Sometimes a couple friends boyfriends stand back and wait because they want the child to come to them instead of the child feeling like the boyfriend is trying to take over. especially when in one situation the biological father is still a part of the picture so the boyfriend doesn't want my friends children to think he is trying to replay their dad. so he waits for them to ask rather than step in and offer and the child getting upset because they were torn between what they the child wanted vs an obligation to agree with the father figure of the house because of authority and minding and respecting elders.

my son's father is NOT in his life . he has been out of it for 6 yrs . My B/f has had 5 yrs and has never done much emotionally for my son . I thought that B/F being the adult and my son not really knowing if he would want to take him ..it just would of been nice for the B/F to step up ..The B/F doesnt live with us ..He really isnt there for me emotionally either ..I love him very much but thinking its time to let go ..My children are my first priority and I think he has a problem with this ..thank you all so much for responding

J...as you already know...I say Let Go, and do the healthy thing for yourself, sweetie!
Patty

Hi Joann, I agree with you! Your BF should have offered. It may be the way he was brought up but what's so wrong with offering someone something if you care about them, instead of making them ask for it!

I don't have any suggestions cause BF should know that the kids should come first!!

I hope you all can work it out!!

Linda