Please I need input

Ok, so my father and i got into an argument tonight about the money. I decided to go to my boyfriends. When i was there though, i thought that I should call home to make sure my mother was handling things ok, because i thought my dad had already gone to work. Well, he didn't. So i told him that i would just give him the money. And he told me that he realizes that i can't trust him and he even admited that he knows it's his fault and that i may never trust him. Ok, well here's the thing, it's my father and even though i have given up a long time ago about even caring about him, there is still a tiny little strand of me that wants to have a father i can talk to. Now i understand that no outsider will really know the situtation like i do, but i was wondering if someone could give me advice on where to even begin. Just talking to him about my day sounds nice, but it scares me to actually do it. It's like the words just stop comming out of my mouth. When i'm talking to my mother and he comes into hearing distance i just stop talking. Ok, well I actually have told him about little pieces of my day recently, but I don't feel any connection with him. Ok, so I'm not going for the whole connection thing right away, i'm just going for a father i can talk to. Ok, so does anyone have any suggestions on how to patch up a relationship that has been non-existent for 20 years? Even a silly suggestion is better than nothing right now. My time is limited and i can't think. I just am too close to the situtation, but i do want to make things better. (Ok, well i really want to know that i can trust him, but that'll take time)

It really is hard to try and create something that really didn't exist. I have a similar situation with my father who left my mother when I was about 8 years old, and drifted in and out till I was and adult. Now, when we talk, it is a challenge to talk to him about things in life, about my marriage, about my life.
I can only say that it will take time to create that trust. Never assume that the trust cannot be built, but rather, be open to that possible opportunity. I am not saying to lay all your cards outs, but taking it one step at a time. Ensue a conversation about one particular topic or subject or event. After awhile, enter in another topic, so on and so forth, up until you feel that discomfort. That discomfort is just your defense mechanism letting you know you just need to take more time.

<font color=purple> Audrey, it's good that you both understand where the starting point is. I hope your father is also sharing pieces of his day, or you might not get anywhere. MEN usually talk best when DOING something, shooting hoops, fishing, whatever! WOMEN like to just sit and talk... so consider this when...

take it slowly, jumping may scare you away.</font color=purple>

<font color=blue>...I can misspeak like the best of us</font color=blue>

Does your father want to patch up this relationship?

If he does, the first thing he'll have to do is to sit down with you and tell you how sorry he is.

If you think he means it, then you may want to forgive him. Doesn't mean you have to forget, or let your guard down, but it will be the first giant step towards talking to each other with words that are kind rather than resentful or guilty.

Otherwise, you will be hesitant to talk to him, and he will be resigned to your not trusting him. Communication is difficult under those circumstances.


Choices, it's all about choices.

I really don't know if he wants to patch things up or not. The day that i posted this he did say that he realized that everything was his fault. He really doesn't do much, so i don't know how to do things with him. He works nights 5 days a week, on saturday he usually sleeps all day, and most of the night, and then on sunday he looks at his mail usually and listen to my mother yell at him.

ok, so I can get tuition reinbursment from where i work, but i need to fill out the forms. I needed some more information so i needed to call the college. After I got off the phone he was like oh so are you going to college? Like it's any of his bussiness. But anyway, i came in here and read some of these replies so I went back out there and explained that i was just trying to get tuition reinbursment. Now I feel really stupid becasue if he thinks that there is a way that i can get more money, he'll do anything he can to get it from me. He is the one who told me that i better drop my classes for this semister, and oh conviently he wants me to give him my college money now. So, now i feel like burring my head under a rock because I actually spoke to him. The problem is that i want to patch things up, but everything that is going on in my life right now mainly has a lot to do with him. I'm just surprised that he actually inquired about my phone call. Maybe that means he's trying. I don't know what to think. I hate setting myself up for disapointment. I get hopeful to easily i think.

My mom and I were never that close, she always seemed distant, almost cold. I never doubted she loved me, I knew that, she just didn't really know how to show it. I kept wanting things to be different and they weren't no matter what I did. It took me years to realize that I can' t change who she is, she is who she is by the way she was raised. Once I accepted that, everything changed. Once I stopped expecting what she couldn't give me, well, it was ok. I stopped blaming her and more importantly myself. She gave me what she was capable of. She is 90 now and I treasure every moment I get with her. Funny, she never ends a phone call now without telling me she loves me and me telling her...Letting go of some things make things better .