[Whispa8]

Hello.

My partner says they need space and has moved out for a while. They said they are depressed and not sure they want to be with me anymore. However they said they still love me. We have been together for five years. I am feeling confused lost and rejected. I don't know if the depression is affecting their judgement and am not sure what to do.

[middie]

I feel for you....you must be devastated at the news.......I would just give them the space they need but definitely keep the communication open between you both. If you offer support and let them have the space they need then I am sure that they will respect that.

Is he getting some support??? Medication???Counselling???

I would just clarify some things before he moves out......for example are you both going to continue to have a relationship???....or see other people???.....set up clear boundaries, that you both agree on and then there is no confusion.

You may also find some counselling helpful for yourself. I think you are from the UK and relate offer counselling services for relationships....you could give them a try.

Sending you a hug....you will get plenty of support on here...Good luck x

[Whispa8]

Thank you so much for your reply. How much space would you consider reasonable? I don't know if they are getting help. They have gone to stay a way for a while but not moved out. I don't know if we are... I want to. I dont want to see anyone else. They seem confused and unable to decide whether they want the relationship or not. It's hard because from my opinion if you love someone you love them, how can you need time to think whether you do, especially after so many years. How is it best to keep the communication open? Any suggestions? Thanks again x

[middie]

If he says he is depressed then it is an awful health problem.....my partner has been hospitalised with the same (nervous breakdown) they are so consumed with their own feelings that they simply cannot think about other peoples even those that they have close loving relationships with.

He won't be in any position to make a clear decisions as to what he wants or feels, hence why he has gone away, and that is probably for the best at this moment in time, although as your love and care for him, I can totally understand and appreciate that you are probably feeling like you are the one going out of your mind with unanswered questions and thinking all kinds and are emotionally and physically and mentally wrecked.

My advice - get plenty of support yourself - counselling too and look after yourself.

Its difficult with the communication.....if you know he is getting texts then maybe just send an occasional text to let him know you care - nothing heavy and not too many - don't bombard him.

Don't put in about your feelings - he can't cope at the moment with his let alone yours aswell.

Its difficult if he won't answer calls or you don't know where he is staying - I feel for you if it is like at this - my situation was initially, then his parents told me he was with friends - and I assumed he was enjoying himself and out partying - later his parents told me that he ha been hospitalised and I felt terrible then - but you only have the information you are told at the time to go on.

If you are able to through friends or family, try and find out where he is - if only to know in your mind that he is in a safe place if you are worried about him.

Then its a dreadful (I am being honest with you) wait........your mind will go around and around in circles thinking all kinds trying desperately to understand his behaviour - your emotions will go from empathy, sympathy, for him , anger, frustration, resentment, loss, grieving - the whole spectrum, around and around. That's why I say its important to get support for you.

That's all whilst trying to hold down a job, day to day functioning and special occasions where it makes it very difficult like birthdays, Christmas, New Year.

You can do it though - just take it day-by-day.......go to friends and family for support and get some counselling - relate in the UK are great.

Get support on here to sending a big hug to you......you can and will do it x

[Whispa8]

That post just brought tears to my eyes... In that its like you know exactly how I feel... My emotions are all over the place from worried, sad, down, lonely, angry, frustrated, hurt, understanding, empathy, it's so hard. They change throughout the day. also frommhopeless to having a glimmer of hope. Also in that you said I can do it. Thank you. Maybe it would be good to seek some support. Everyone else feels too close to the situation. I'm not eating half as much as I would. Haven't heard from them for the last several days. I finally gave in to how well I'd done and sent a message which I think has led them to feel even more guilty and even worse. I shouldn't have sent it. Sent it during the night when I probably wasn't as rational. I just want some communication. I was upset as we had something booked up and they cancelled it at the last minute. I then sent a text asking if they ok, then another saying goodnight and then one today saying please don't ignore the text. I need to back off. It's just hard. Tryingvto understand but also get my feelings across to. maybe i shouldnt. but wantvthem tonknow how much i care. Do you think I should send a text apologising and saying I didn't intend to make you feel guilty and that I understand and will back off. Or just leave it now? Its also led to me doubting where they really are etc when ive always trustedcthem completely. this had made them angry and accuse me of checking up on them. This is so hard. i love them with all my heart. Thank you again middie x

[Whispa8]

I ended up just sending a text saying goodnight but nothing. I have seen they keep signing into social networking sites so they obviously can reply to other messages. So why not me? After hurting me by cancelling our trip I find it hard that they are making this hurt even worse by ignoring me. I just dont know what to do anymore. Do I say this to them? How do I carry on just being ignored when I'm the one person who's cared for them and loved them more than anyone or anything ever has. X