[mycroft1895]

First, I have a serious self-esteem problem. Intellectually, I can recognize many great things about myself and that people appreciate me. Emotionally, this makes no difference. I go back and forth between hating myself and feeling nothing at all about myself.

Second, I'm 37, never married, and have never had a romantic relationship or felt a meaningful connection with another person (except my nephew who just tuned 4). I don't seem to fit any of the categories that such people are usually put into.

I've been in love once, unspoken and unrequited. I am outgoing (ENFP), Mensa-level intelligent, and have no trouble approaching, talking to, being friends with, or having sex with women. I've had dozens of short term partners and lots of female friends, but never have the two overlapped.

Lots and lots of times I have pursued romance with someone, but it always gets to a point where she seems to sense something she doesn't like, and I get the "you're a great guy, even the most amazing person I've ever met" (on a couple of occasions), and "someone will come along for you, you're a great catch" speech.

I also have trouble with friendships. I have lots of friends, but nothing approaching a best friend, and I am almost always the one who initiates contact to do something.

I had serious problems with recurring depression from age 17 to age 32, and have been in "remission" for 4 years now, but I'm still cripplingly lonely.

My weight as an adult has also fluctuated greatly, but I have never had an issue with substance abuse (other than sugar/food).

Any ideas on where I should turn?

Even the slightest bit of help would be greatly appreciated.

[lightinthesky]

What problem do you think you have? If we talk about your private life, do you seek for love and committment etc? I am just trying to understand if there is anything on your mind.
As you said you never felt a meaningful connection with another person, which is I think important in relationship. . If it doesn't start with that then how is it supposed to evolve?

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[lightinthesky]

I also have self - esteem problem but I realize that it is all in my head, result of some hurting experience in my life, it can be fixed.

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[Macrick]

I guess I have a similar problem as well. I simply can't connect with people anymore. I have the depression trait as well. (Not sure if this is the way to put it).

I think "Normalies" as I call them, can sense if you are not one of them. They simply just shut you off. I think the Normalies like to live in the state of denial.
Perhaps, I'm the stupid one. Coz the human brain uses more juice to concoct a lie.

Well, that's just life. Least you still let women into your life. I just push everyone away. Hope you find my response relevant & opened more doors for insight.
Be well.

[FrayedEnds]

Originally Posted by mycroft1895

I've been in love once, unspoken and unrequited.

did you have these feelings of emotional isolation before this ^ ?

[Viuam]

"Normalies" ... Jijiji

Well, it's good that you are able to have some sort of social interaction. I don't know why, but I have the feeling that your ability to have loose friendships or romances is more of an attempt to keep up appearances than anything else. Sometimes everything looks great on the outside but can be completely rotten deep down. It's just easier to keep going if no one notices.

Have you ever thought of telling someone in your life about how you feel? Enlisting the help of someone you know could give you some perspective on your own behavior towards women. Also, if you can it would help if we knew where that low self esteem came from. In any case, remember that for most people it's really hard to find someone meaningful. People get divorced, they break up, blah blah.... I've learned not to impose any expectations on myself regarding my love life, everyone is different in that regard.

Originally Posted by mycroft1895

First, I have a serious self-esteem problem. Intellectually, I can recognize many great things about myself and that people appreciate me. Emotionally, this makes no difference. I go back and forth between hating myself and feeling nothing at all about myself.

Second, I'm 37, never married, and have never had a romantic relationship or felt a meaningful connection with another person (except my nephew who just tuned 4). I don't seem to fit any of the categories that such people are usually put into.

I've been in love once, unspoken and unrequited. I am outgoing (ENFP), Mensa-level intelligent, and have no trouble approaching, talking to, being friends with, or having sex with women. I've had dozens of short term partners and lots of female friends, but never have the two overlapped.

Lots and lots of times I have pursued romance with someone, but it always gets to a point where she seems to sense something she doesn't like, and I get the "you're a great guy, even the most amazing person I've ever met" (on a couple of occasions), and "someone will come along for you, you're a great catch" speech.

I also have trouble with friendships. I have lots of friends, but nothing approaching a best friend, and I am almost always the one who initiates contact to do something.

I had serious problems with recurring depression from age 17 to age 32, and have been in "remission" for 4 years now, but I'm still cripplingly lonely.

My weight as an adult has also fluctuated greatly, but I have never had an issue with substance abuse (other than sugar/food).

Any ideas on where I should turn?

Even the slightest bit of help would be greatly appreciated.

I'm not sure how to reply to your post as it is somewhat confusing. Maybe if you can clarify what the problem is with people, I can better get a feel for what you're saying.

You say you have a serious self-esteem issue. Where "self-esteem" itself is an issue with self respect and feeling confident in one's own abilities, you seem to have a good amount of it in spite of saying this. Can you clarify where you have an issue with self esteem? You mention your intelligence more than once here, and even mention it being "mensa-level" but recognizing that seems to go against my understanding of self esteem.

You also mention you have no problems with talking to people, are an extrovert and have had multiple casual encounters with women so I don't think you're saying you have a self confidence problem either.

Please understand, I am only looking for more clarity from what you've said. You seem to be able to interact with people, you know you're smart, you're not an introvert or socially awkward person so is it that you keep people at a distance and don't allow them to know you more closely maybe?

I'm not minimizing your problem, I just don't think it has to do with self esteem nor self confidence, it has to do more with emotional attachment, so I ask you what do you think keeps you from really geting attached to someone emotionally?