[quietfeline]

Okay, I just don't get the games. I have been dating someone recently, couple of long amazing dates. He has contacted my every single day since, saying nice things, making plans with me...BUT has flaked twice when we made plans for a third date.

Is this a guy thing? Player? Stupidity? Stringing me along?

[curley]

Hi Quiet, I hate to say yes it is a guy thing....but yes I think it is. That same game has been played on me and it is not funny. One time cause the person admitted later they liked me to much. And the first time the guy was a jerk and wanted to see how many woman he could get to like him!!!
Sorry it happened to you.... I would act like no biggie!!!

Originally Posted by curley

Hi Quiet, I hate to say yes it is a guy thing....but yes I think it is. That same game has been played on me and it is not funny. One time cause the person admitted later they liked me to much. And the first time the guy was a jerk and wanted to see how many woman he could get to like him!!!
Sorry it happened to you.... I would act like no biggie!!!

Ok so I don't disagree that this is a thing that people do, but you know what? In NO WAY is this a "guy thing" That is very inaccurate. I'm sorry you've had that happen to you but the truth is I'm a guy and would never do this and I've actually had a girl do this to me... and it was totally that she liked me but never had any intention on it being anything more than just playing.

Not exclusive to males. Women do it a lot.

Originally Posted by quietfeline

Okay, I just don't get the games. I have been dating someone recently, couple of long amazing dates. He has contacted my every single day since, saying nice things, making plans with me...BUT has flaked twice when we made plans for a third date.

Is this a guy thing? Player? Stupidity? Stringing me along?

As I said it's not a "guy thing" but expect it to happen from some guys. Soem people are just not good at keeping dates, some are playing and from what you've said, it's hard to say either way. He may just have a busy schedule or been unlucky in things happening to come up for him lately. Could be a slew of things.

I say cautiously proceed but guard your heart. It may indeed be that he's a jerk. if you like him enough, set grounds for a date. If he's going to flake on you again, let him know on no uncertain terms you will stop waiting for him to come around. And then follow through on that if he does it again. I say give it just one ONLY one more chance and move on.

[quietfeline]

No more chances, already gave him two. Flaked on both. Heard NOTHING from him, jerk. I am not contacting him, eff that he should be reaching out to me and at least apologizing for wasting my time etc.

I don't understand...why not just say it like it is. I hate games.

[Elektra_]

now u should play a game with him too make him chase u... dont make urself available, dont give him any chance and ull see how he reacts..

[quietfeline]

I agree, that's what I'm doing Radio silence. Good idea right?

[ilikedesifem]

I think some people like being attractive. so he was just using you. It is bad for him to do this of course, but then I think it's human nature to some degree.

[Elektra_]

lol but dont stop talking completely... take ages to reply... be neutral (like hes no big deal)... dont make urself available.. show him whos the boss

Originally Posted by quietfeline

I agree, that's what I'm doing Radio silence. Good idea right?

Originally Posted by quietfeline

No more chances, already gave him two. Flaked on both. Heard NOTHING from him, jerk. I am not contacting him, eff that he should be reaching out to me and at least apologizing for wasting my time etc.

I don't understand...why not just say it like it is. I hate games.

A similar thing happened to me too, although we didn't even get past the first date. And the thing was, I would initiate all of the contact between us, so when I stopped trying to talk to him, it was like I literally didn't exist to him anymore. I mean, he won't even look at me if we're in the same room…. I was thinking that he was just really shy, but so am I. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it yet though…I will foolishly continue to give him the benefit of the doubt.

But if it was all just a game, why?! If people want to feel attractive, just go do some innocent flirting. Why break someone's heart along the way? I'm someone who never goes on dates ever, so this was a big deal for me. And if you don't like someone that way, don't lead them on…that's just cruel. But I'm preaching to the choir….

Originally Posted by Elektra_

now u should play a game with him too make him chase u... dont make urself available, dont give him any chance and ull see how he reacts..

The reply to this (at least for me) is completely ignoring me. And isn't that just playing games too? That's why I know I need to have a frank and honest conversation with this guy, just so all games (if there are any) are resolved.

[quietfeline]

I would give him another chance but not for a serious relationship. If it's "playing around" that he wants I'm okay with that, but it's the mixed messages and wasting my time that hurts and pisses me off. Games are juvenile.

I don't go on a lot of dates either because I'm very picky. Clearly not picky enough lol!!

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

A similar thing happened to me too, although we didn't even get past the first date. And the thing was, I would initiate all of the contact between us, so when I stopped trying to talk to him, it was like I literally didn't exist to him anymore. I mean, he won't even look at me if we're in the same room…. I was thinking that he was just really shy, but so am I. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it yet though…I will foolishly continue to give him the benefit of the doubt.

But if it was all just a game, why?! If people want to feel attractive, just go do some innocent flirting. Why break someone's heart along the way? I'm someone who never goes on dates ever, so this was a big deal for me. And if you don't like someone that way, don't lead them on…that's just cruel. But I'm preaching to the choir….


The reply to this (at least for me) is completely ignoring me. And isn't that just playing games too? That's why I know I need to have a frank and honest conversation with this guy, just so all games (if there are any) are resolved.

Yes, games ARE juvenile. And they also make no sense to me. I suppose I'm sort of picky, but I'm simply someone who isn't pursued and that's why I never date. I also am too shy to pursue that often, so nothing ever happens.

I'm only giving this guy a second chance because I have a very strong feeling that he is shy or was very hurt in the past and I want to give him a chance to explain his side of the story if he so chooses. I also said a few things that may have raised some red flags and may need to be discussed, so all of this may have been caused by something I said. If I didn't sense something was off, I would just say screw him and move on with my life. You really don't have to give him another chance unless you strongly suspect there's a legitimate reason behind the behavior.

Originally Posted by quietfeline

No more chances, already gave him two. Flaked on both. Heard NOTHING from him, jerk. I am not contacting him, eff that he should be reaching out to me and at least apologizing for wasting my time etc.

I don't understand...why not just say it like it is. I hate games.

I agree, I hate games too. I'm sorry but it sounds like he was stringing you along. It sounds like his M.O. in playing the field. Did you get the impression that he was rather full of himself? Over confident?

[quietfeline]

I never got the impression that he was full of himself, but that he was disorganized.....

[Elektra_]

i consider playing games when someone is ****ing with me not what i said. anyways... whats the development?

[quietfeline]

I waited a few days....then texted him WTF basically. He apologized and said he had a lot going on but really wants to see me again, that he can't wait to see me. He's out of town for two weeks, for the holidays. Soooo, I'm still confused...?

When I talk to my female friends they say this is BS. My male friends say to give him another chance.

[Elektra_]

give him another chance but keep ur distance (to protect ur feelings). dont show urself too interested in him. make him see he needs to be more attentive to get ur attention and interest, otherwise he will think: oh i snap my fingers and here she is again. thats my opinion at least. tc

[quietfeline]

Thanks Elektra! I totally agree.

It's interesting, when I finally did text him he responded in literally 2 seconds.

[Elektra_]

see :P if u see hes actually running after and treating u well (but not toooo well = BS) is bc he actually has good intentions. worry just about urself. if he likes u he will make the best to earn ur trust. tc

Hi, sorry to hear that guy is running hot and cold. Only time will tell for sure what his real intentions are. The fact that he flaked on you twice is a bad sign though. Be careful. Anyways, NEVER answer ANY guys texts or calls all the time or right away.

Most men love the chase, and women who seem to easy to get are not a challenge to him. Also, if you give him to many chances or are to eager to respond to him all the time, you can come across as desperate. You need to let a man know that you have your own life to remain interesting to him.

Nice girls finish last most of the time. There is this book called "Why Men Love *****es" that is hilarious and very true! A lot of men will see how much bad behavior will be tolerated.

The book explains why they do this. They don't respect or go crazy for nice girls most of the time. The book isn't about becoming a nasty woman though. The word ***** stands for:

Babe
In
Total
Control of
Her life

There is another book by the authour, Sherry Argov called "Why Men Marry *****es" that is also hilarious and true.

[quietfeline]

I get what you're saying shy introvert. I don't respond to him right away and have not been available all the time. He tried to make last minute plans with me last Friday and I said no (I actually did have plans).

But yeah, the flaking twice bothers me but whatever. Just have to wait and see what happens. Not holding my breath that''s for sure

Originally Posted by quietfeline

I get what you're saying shy introvert. I don't respond to him right away and have not been available all the time. He tried to make last minute plans with me last Friday and I said no (I actually did have plans).

But yeah, the flaking twice bothers me but whatever. Just have to wait and see what happens. Not holding my breath that''s for sure

Well, the fact that he's still at least trying to make plans seems to be a good sign. I can't say whether he's still playing games or not, but at least he has some amount of interest in you.

When I stopped texting the guy I was talking to, he never talked to me again. I'm still hoping to have a conversation in real life to figure out what's going on or get some closure. Although, so far in real life, I have ceased to exist to him apparently. I didn't realize that I had to put in 100% of the effort to even start a relationship or to get a date…seems a bit unfair. All I know is that for me, playing "hard to get" translates to "why bother with her when there's much easier girls?" I guess you just have to be easy (I'm not saying sexually mind you) and just serve yourself on a silver platter repeatedly so they don't forget you exist. I wonder if he even still remembers my name?

[quietfeline]

I get playing a LITTLE hard to get, but some folks take it too far and for me it translates to =i'm not that interested. At this point, I feel like the ball is in his court. If he doesn't get in touch with me then, eff him. Still makes me sad though.

I agree, women do this a lot, too. Even though I am a girl myself, I had a friend who kept on making plans with me only to end up not contacting me on the day of. Several times. So I just decided to cut her out of my life since she kept on doing that. Sorry about your situation, though. Hopefully it gets better. Maybe he's going through something right now.

[lightinthesky]

Oh this is exactly what I am afraid of! I haven't been single for 4 years and I just don't know and don't get these "games".

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