[PeachCream22]

I'd really like feedback on this.

I hate my ex. Literally. But I'm trying to get past it. He doesn't deserve that much energy from me. My goal is to make him someone who I do not like, but do not dislike as well. A stranger. But it does not mean I will forget what he did nor the invaluable life lessons.

The other day he asks how am I. I just gave short replies. Not that he gives a damn about my life, nor should I care about his. The reason why i started this thread is because I don't want to mess up contact with him and make my emotions go haywire about him again. I want to stop caring, and not let him get the wrong idea.

How did you girls/guys deal with an ex who tries to contact you after months of no contact? Any info at all is greatly appreciated.

PS. (No blocking advice please on social networking sites, I'll do that later when he goes overseas, when I'm certain I won't get to see him in person again at school, because he's gonna annoy me about it and my emotions will go crazy, etc...)

[sans]

Hi Peach,
This is right up my alley. I have been going on an emotional roller coaster for over 2 yrs with my ex. NIP it in the bud asap and move on if you can.
If you ever need to talk, pm me.
I have been an expert at codependency for a long time, and it's better to start fresh if you have no hopes of rekindling relationship.

[PeachCream22]

Hi uhm, this is just an update on what happened. I blocked my ex on facebook and hotmail, and now he sent me a text message, asking whether I received any of his emails.

I don't want to come off being the bad person...but i just couldn't stand him anymore. And I didn't tell him that. I just blocked him without any warning, when he thought we were getting along fine. But I couldn't tell him that, I've tried, he wouldn't understand; he'd either say "sorry i was in your life and caused you such pain" in a hurtful manner or "we can work this out and be friends". I CAN'T DO IT. that's why i did everything without saying anything.

Any advice on how to deal with the situation here?

Originally Posted by PeachCream22

Hi uhm, this is just an update on what happened. I blocked my ex on facebook and hotmail, and now he sent me a text message, asking whether I received any of his emails.

I don't want to come off being the bad person...but i just couldn't stand him anymore. And I didn't tell him that. I just blocked him without any warning, when he thought we were getting along fine. But I couldn't tell him that, I've tried, he wouldn't understand; he'd either say "sorry i was in your life and caused you such pain" in a hurtful manner or "we can work this out and be friends". I CAN'T DO IT. that's why i did everything without saying anything.

Any advice on how to deal with the situation here?

Well good you blocked him.

How to deal with his obvious cluelessness? I don't know your situation but if you have to deal with him, you should be upfront and honest. That does not mean be mean and derogatory but just tell him that it's inappropriate for you to keep in touch anymore and you're not comfortable with it. Put it out on the table. If he doesn't like that and keeps it up, the ball is in your park, at least he knows if you block him completely or ignore him, why it is. Also I don't believe in being misleading. Why even bother putting up the facade that everything is ok? That's just unfair to him, no matter what you think of him. You're stringing him along even if he's not thinking you'll get back together, he thinks you're friends and you're not.

If you have no reason to keep up with an ex, like I do because of my children, there is no reason to even reply.

YOu can block texts too, it's just a more difficult thing to do. Call your phone company. That's my suggestion, seriously if you hate him that much why would you care to keep things going?

How do I deal with an "ex" contacting me???

NEVER had that problem. EVER.

[oldlife_disrupted]

Continue with the "no contact" strategy. Just delete that text, take a deep breath and move on as quickly as possible.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

How do I deal with an "ex" contacting me???

NEVER had that problem. EVER.

So your advice is?

[healingme4me]

I have kids, with mine. Contact about them, is mandated. However, if it's a matter of he keeps contacting you, and you don't want to hear from him, unfortunately, no contact May be your ownly recourse.

Need to ask yourself, how, 'how are you doing', is any of his business.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I have kids, with mine. Contact about them, is mandated. However, if it's a matter of he keeps contacting you, and you don't want to hear from him, unfortunately, no contact May be your ownly recourse.

Need to ask yourself, how, 'how are you doing', is any of his business.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Agreed. for the most part I do try not to keep up with my ex. I do get into conversations at times with her, but after all we spent 13+ years together, she knows me pretty well. But that's rare. Most of my life now is none of her business anymore.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

So your advice is?

Advice??? Ummmm - I do not know. I guess just be as "repulsive" as me so they never want to come back.?.?.?.? {thanks for rubbing in that point}

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Advice??? Ummmm - I do not know. I guess just be as "repulsive" as me so they never want to come back.?.?.?.? {thanks for rubbing in that point}

That's not at all what I've said. or implied. The post was a question as to advice on what to do, you were saying you've never had the problem so I was wondering what you thought they might do.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Advice??? Ummmm - I do not know. I guess just be as "repulsive" as me so they never want to come back.?.?.?.? {thanks for rubbing in that point}

And I might add, if you were as "repulsive" as you state you would never have the opportunity to even gain an ex since you would be too repulsive to date in the first place.

[nycgal448]

Been three mos apart and I SERIOUSLY need to move on, however there still lies .a mutual love there, but everything else is buried way beneath. I have had several contenders, but turned them down, and one wuz a very close friend of mine. I am borderline & Bi polar. Not a picnic , w another Bi polar. I honestly thought he wuz the one.
I miss him alot, I get lonely. He never responds ... until he wants sex... or READY to.

suggestions???

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by nycgal448

Been three mos apart and I SERIOUSLY need to move on, however there still lies .a mutual love there, but everything else is buried way beneath. I have had several contenders, but turned them down, and one wuz a very close friend of mine. I am borderline & Bi polar. Not a picnic , w another Bi polar. I honestly thought he wuz the one.
I miss him alot, I get lonely. He never responds ... until he wants sex... or READY to.

suggestions???

Even, if you didn't have borderline and bi-polar, I'd say that it's a degrading road to go down. Because you have borderline and bipolar, but especially because of the borderline, I'd say do your emotions a favor, do yourself a favor and block his number, entirely. It'd be like playing with fire. Take care of yourself.

[PeachCream22]

s4ndm4n2006: I am not stringing him along. I really thought everything was ok. But it wasn't. That is why I blocked him. Thank you for saying that it's good. I need reassurance. Anyway, I have avoided him for a very long time, and I have made it very clear, I was upset and needed to move on. And like I said, he'd never understand. And during the last week, we worked things out, and everything was okay, but things happened, my friends betrayed me and ratted me out to his current girl when we were working on closure, it's kinda complicated, and it really hurt me the way he handled it. So I've had enough. I blocked him. How is that stringing him along?

Anyway, he sent me lots of texts since I blocked him on fb, saying things like: "Okay, I think you desperately want me out of your life, you just keep on ignoring me, and I find this extremely childish. I tried to be a good friend, and you couldn't work this out together. Take care, and if we ever see each other again maybe we'll be friends, cause you're not strong enough to handle this, all I ever wanted was your friendship, and you pushed everything I gave you away, I'm done here, goodbye"

I felt like laying it all on the table again, but then, he'd make me feel guilty all over again like what he did for a whole year.

...I've had enough. How am I supposed to say to all those texts? I never responded to any of his texts. Sounds like he won't be contacting me anymore.

Thank you everyone else for the replies. It is greatly appreciated.

nycgal448: I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. Hopefully this thread will offer you some advice...

[PeachCream22]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

How to deal with his obvious cluelessness? I don't know your situation but if you have to deal with him, you should be upfront and honest. That does not mean be mean and derogatory but just tell him that it's inappropriate for you to keep in touch anymore and you're not comfortable with it. Put it out on the table. If he doesn't like that and keeps it up, the ball is in your park, at least he knows if you block him completely or ignore him, why it is. Also I don't believe in being misleading. Why even bother putting up the facade that everything is ok? That's just unfair to him, no matter what you think of him. You're stringing him along even if he's not thinking you'll get back together, he thinks you're friends and you're not.

I've had time to think. So yes, I will do as you said. Thank you for the sound advice. It makes me feel better to clarify things too, instead of leaving things as it is.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by PeachCream22

Anyway, he sent me lots of texts since I blocked him on fb, saying things like: "Okay, I think you desperately want me out of your life, you just keep on ignoring me, and I find this extremely childish. I tried to be a good friend, and you couldn't work this out together. Take care, and if we ever see each other again maybe we'll be friends, cause you're not strong enough to handle this, all I ever wanted was your friendship, and you pushed everything I gave you away, I'm done here, goodbye"

I felt like laying it all on the table again, but then, he'd make me feel guilty all over again like what he did for a whole year.

...I've had enough. How am I supposed to say to all those texts? I never responded to any of his texts. Sounds like he won't be contacting me anymore.

...

Ignoring him, is not childish. [name-calling] 'you couldn't work this out together[blaming] 'you're not strong enough to'...[put-down, criticism]

You mentioned he'd make you feel 'guilty' all over again. For sure, that's the method to his madness. Insulting you, and blaming you, are a Guilt Trip, it's manipulative. He's got a new girlfriend!! You aren't giving him, what he wants, and in an immature manner, he's trying to get you to give into his demands, by belittling you, this way.

[PeachCream22]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Ignoring him, is not childish. [name-calling] 'you couldn't work this out together[blaming] 'you're not strong enough to'...[put-down, criticism]

You mentioned he'd make you feel 'guilty' all over again. For sure, that's the method to his madness. Insulting you, and blaming you, are a Guilt Trip, it's manipulative. He's got a new girlfriend!! You aren't giving him, what he wants, and in an immature manner, he's trying to get you to give into his demands, by belittling you, this way.

Thank you. That was the first time anyone has ever said that to me. Thank you so much. I'm not saying what I did was completely right, but...at least, I wasn't wrong in my approach.

[PeachCream22]

Update: we ended up having a heated discussion, and I unblocked him on facebook to do so. He blocked me, saying we're done. Fine with me. Saves me the trouble of blocking him. Thank you everyone for the replies. I'm finally done with my ex. If he ever is tempted to unblock or text, I'll just ignore him.

[Angel of Bedlam]

I would say nothing and have his number blocked.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

[vans1974]

Originally Posted by PeachCream22

Hi uhm, this is just an update on what happened. I blocked my ex on facebook and hotmail, and now he sent me a text message, asking whether I received any of his emails.

I don't want to come off being the bad person...but i just couldn't stand him anymore. And I didn't tell him that. I just blocked him without any warning, when he thought we were getting along fine. But I couldn't tell him that, I've tried, he wouldn't understand; he'd either say "sorry i was in your life and caused you such pain" in a hurtful manner or "we can work this out and be friends". I CAN'T DO IT. that's why i did everything without saying anything.

Any advice on how to deal with the situation here?

Personally, I'd just be honest and in a kind way tell him you need some time apart from him, or just to stop contacting you altogether. Best of luck and hope that helps a bit!!

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Advice??? Ummmm - I do not know. I guess just be as "repulsive" as me so they never want to come back.?.?.?.? {thanks for rubbing in that point}

Awwe! useless me, that's not what he was implying. *hug*

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I would say nothing and have his number blocked.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Aaaaand the post award goes to. Drumroll...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

Awwe! useless me, that's not what he was implying. *hug*

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Ignoring him, is not childish. [name-calling] 'you couldn't work this out together[blaming] 'you're not strong enough to'...[put-down, criticism]

You mentioned he'd make you feel 'guilty' all over again. For sure, that's the method to his madness. Insulting you, and blaming you, are a Guilt Trip, it's manipulative. He's got a new girlfriend!! You aren't giving him, what he wants, and in an immature manner, he's trying to get you to give into his demands, by belittling you, this way.

I totally agree with everything said above. Scary because the things he said ... he could have been MY ex bf. All mind games, to keep her around, keep feeding his need for attention.

It is horribly difficult to cut away...but really, it has to be done. Its the only way to survive this....and persevere.