I promised myself I wouldn't try to contact you. Today, I am fighting very hard not to break that promise. Because if I do, I'll have to start right back at square one, and I don't know how many more times I can do that to myself.

This wasn't how I wanted things left. I wanted closure...not limbo. But you wouldn't give me that, and I don't know how to give it to myself. I miss you more than I even want to admit to myself. I never should have let things progress to the point which they did. And now you plague me. Every day. It's like I'm afraid that I'll finally have the courage to forget you - and then you'll come back. So I remember. And I keep remembering. And I'll never forget.

Why can't I just let you go?

I didn't know you cared so much beloved....I'm touched. Well I guess I'll give you a call after five or so. I'll pick up some chinese food on the way home too, we'll just cuddle up on the couch and watch Frasier reruns okay babe?

[optimize990h]

This is a loss that you are grieving about. This is a process that has five stages-denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, but not everyone follows a specific and there is no time limit for any of the stages. You do not have to go through each stage to heal nor do you have to complete each stage. There is no typical recovery from grief as there is no typical loss.

Another way of looking at grieving a loss is that you are going to be on a roller coaster of emotions. The first ride will the roughest and there will be times when it may seem the dips are deeper and longer. Gradually, there be calmer and shorter dips as you start to heal.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by FrightenedRabbit

Why can't I just let you go?

Open hand, let go. Concentrating on what you can't have just makes you want it more, not less. You can't get over something you won't stop focusing on.

Originally Posted by Perna

Open hand, let go. Concentrating on what you can't have just makes you want it more, not less. You can't get over something you won't stop focusing on.

This is something I don't know how to do. I have actively tried to remove the things that remind me of him. I have successfully put him out of my mind before, but then out of nowhere, he's back.

In any case, I made the decision to say goodbye to him - literally. It was a friendship I didn't want to end, but he can't give me the time I need. I told him that I either needed him as a part of my life consistently, or not at all. Finally, I told him I didn't need a response. I don't expect to receive one.

It's going to take some time...

Why must I continue to shed tears over you?

[astenon]

Can J still contact you? Eg does he have your number?

I have a friend who went thru similar and kept getting knocked back whenever he contacted her. She had to change numbers.

I hope you feel better soon. You will come thru this.

I reallt like your idea if sending that letter to here. Kudos to you.

Our relationship was strictly online until I met him face to face in October last year. So he doesn't have my phone number. Actually, he has a phone number, but it's been cancelled since then (for other reasons). Ugh. I'm rambling.

I alluded to this above, but in my actual goodbye to him, I told him that if he couldn't give me contact consistently, that I didn't want him to contact me at all. I don't think I have to worry about him being in touch with me again because of that. He's not malicious. Things were never on bad terms between us; I asked him before if it was time for me to move on from the friendship and he essentially told me not to be silly and of course he wanted to still be friends - said that he's been terrible at getting back to anyone who's been in touch with him lately. But after almost two more months of no contact, I realized I couldn't be the one to keep trying to be in contact if he couldn't acknowledge anything I sent. And so there you have it. I don't blame him for anything...I just can't keep holding on to threads that do nothing but unravel what they used to be. Again with the rambling...

Thanks for what you said...

I shouldn't have been doing so, but I looked you up again today. I found out about some of your good news...an accomplishment of which you can be very proud. I wish I could congratulate you. I wish I could share in such a happy time for you. But I can't...

I still can't let you go. It's still too hard.

But the thoughts of you are starting to spread out. I'm not thinking of you as much as I used to. I hope one day, you'll be gone for good...

[healingme4me]

It is hard, hun, indeed!

I once wrote, and I am curious if you'll identify, as I, too, once fell for an online friend, who started drifting off...

"I don't want to be your everything;
I want to be your somebody;
I feel like your nobody."

Friendship or love interest, when used to consistent contact, for me it was numerous times a day, to maybe a little here and there a couple times a week...nothing like it used to be. Tried no contact, once. He came back and claimed I had issues with running away. Then tried telling him, that I couldn't handle a friendship with the topics he was constantly bring up, mainly other female friends--don't want to know more about other women then I know about myself--that's a lot! He refused to meet me in person, to see if there was more and if he and I could proceed to the next level. So, because I wanted to just take a break, he called me manipulative.

Well, sorry to bring my story onto the table, just want you to know, I can relate to trying so hard to let go. And either being ignored or feeling like being tugged back in. I eventually realized, he'd become a bad habit that I needed to break.
*sigh*...

Relationships can bring such pain.

I do like how you are writing it out here...wow, very healing.

[healingme4me]

I felt inspired by your letter writing, here. Saturday night, I sent one off, myself. One of closure. I finally, after all this time, trying to find what it was in my heart, that I was trying to convey, what bothered me, what it was that I wanted to actually let go of, with a clear conscience, wrote this one off, then blocked all e-mail contact. Here it is...slightly edited but not by much...

4/21/13

....

I'm at a point in my life, where I realize what it means to value a good man.

When I consider what it means to value another, I realize that what my needs are, I need to expect to give the same in return. I, personally, find private communication between a man and a woman, unrelated, non-professional, non-child related-albeit my kids father, coaches and teachers/administrators, inappropriate. It's just plain, inappropriate, it breaks down trust, leaves uncertainties in regards to fidelity/commitment/companionship, et al. Say, for instance, he and I were at a dinner soirée and I saw him go off into another, private location with another woman, I would feel hurt and betrayed, at best. Being a Christian woman, I wouldn't want to do the same to him.

I do find it appropriate in a public setting, to mingle amongst men and women, alike. It's the privatizing that is most concerning to me, having witnessed it played out by others, yourself included, throughout the years. It just goes against my moral belief system. And I am not going to compromise my morals. It had been one thing, you as divorcing and subsequent becoming single and myself being divorced/single to connect privately. However, ...

I've turned my Facebook into the Ladies version, of a Men's Room. Yes, it's a Ladies Room, and drama free, to boot. Which I enjoy setting it up, like this, this time around. And pretty much, I'm only signed up on a Mommy's Board, NeuroTalk, and PsychCentral. And I realize, that you just aren't interested in discussing psychology, anymore. But I am there, that's what I enjoy, psychology, especially dream analysis, being around others with neurological conditions and other moms, when I am socializing on-line.

I have mentioned before, that if I were to move into a new relationship, it would only be fair for me, to remove myself from these private communications. I am at a point now, where I feel that is what I need/want to do.

I've appreciated the camaraderie that we've had throughout the years.

I wish you well,

F

I'm really glad you did this. And that you even felt courageous enough to share. Thanks...

Oh FFS, J...you were out of my life.

And while you technically still are, for some strange reason, your memory crept back in when I wasn't looking.

Go. Get away.

Thoughts of you are messing me up and I'm done. I'm done with it.

...

Can I at least take solace in the fact that it's been months since I've needed this thread? Or this site?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I felt inspired by your letter writing, here. Saturday night, I sent one off, myself. One of closure. I finally, after all this time, trying to find what it was in my heart, that I was trying to convey, what bothered me, what it was that I wanted to actually let go of, with a clear conscience, wrote this one off, then blocked all e-mail contact. Here it is...slightly edited but not by much...

4/21/13

....

I'm at a point in my life, where I realize what it means to value a good man.

When I consider what it means to value another, I realize that what my needs are, I need to expect to give the same in return. I, personally, find private communication between a man and a woman, unrelated, non-professional, non-child related-albeit my kids father, coaches and teachers/administrators, inappropriate. It's just plain, inappropriate, it breaks down trust, leaves uncertainties in regards to fidelity/commitment/companionship, et al. Say, for instance, he and I were at a dinner soirée and I saw him go off into another, private location with another woman, I would feel hurt and betrayed, at best. Being a Christian woman, I wouldn't want to do the same to him.

I do find it appropriate in a public setting, to mingle amongst men and women, alike. It's the privatizing that is most concerning to me, having witnessed it played out by others, yourself included, throughout the years. It just goes against my moral belief system. And I am not going to compromise my morals. It had been one thing, you as divorcing and subsequent becoming single and myself being divorced/single to connect privately. However, ...

I've turned my Facebook into the Ladies version, of a Men's Room. Yes, it's a Ladies Room, and drama free, to boot. Which I enjoy setting it up, like this, this time around. And pretty much, I'm only signed up on a Mommy's Board, NeuroTalk, and PsychCentral. And I realize, that you just aren't interested in discussing psychology, anymore. But I am there, that's what I enjoy, psychology, especially dream analysis, being around others with neurological conditions and other moms, when I am socializing on-line.

I have mentioned before, that if I were to move into a new relationship, it would only be fair for me, to remove myself from these private communications. I am at a point now, where I feel that is what I need/want to do.

I've appreciated the camaraderie that we've had throughout the years.

I wish you well,

F

End of the year memory, pardon the bump OP

Originally Posted by healingme4me

End of the year memory, pardon the bump OP

No apologies necessary. Maybe that's why I felt I needed to come back here - it's almost been a year since this original post. Solidarity in what we endure, my friend...