[skyler143]

Sent from my ZTE V768 using Tapatalk 2 I am a 47 year old woman who was married young to a very abusive man for eleven years. The abuse we unlike anything you could ever even see on tv. Broken legs, stabbed seven times, shot at more than i can count, raped repeatedly, emotionally destroyed, threatened with death if i left, and so much more. One of the times he was going to kill me he ended up shooting my best friend and she died along with her husband. This resulted in him getting life on prison plus 45 years. I met and married a wonderful Christian man who passed away after 13 years, one year after the death of both of my children. I swore to never marry again, but did two years ago. He also had lost a child and accepted me kindly with all my baggage. He never hurt me in any way. Then today i was again in one of my major depressed moods so i took a little too much of my meds and fell asleep. When i woke up two hours later my pants were off. He said he did that to massage my legs, but he didn't touch me sexually even though he could have. He doesn't understand, but i feel like i have been raped all over again. All the years of therapy and i am right back where i was all those years ago. I am sorry this is so long, but i feel like i am dying here. He says i am being crazy when i try to talk to him because he would never do that. Can anybody, please, tell me what i can or should do. I am more depressed now then i was before i went to sleep. I would appreciate any suggestions. You can send me private messages since i seem to forget where this is, but need some answers. Going crazy here... HELP!

[kaliope]

sending you a pm

Originally Posted by skyler143

Sent from my ZTE V768 using Tapatalk 2 I am a 47 year old woman who was married young to a very abusive man for eleven years. The abuse we unlike anything you could ever even see on tv. Broken legs, stabbed seven times, shot at more than i can count, raped repeatedly, emotionally destroyed, threatened with death if i left, and so much more. One of the times he was going to kill me he ended up shooting my best friend and she died along with her husband. This resulted in him getting life on prison plus 45 years. I met and married a wonderful Christian man who passed away after 13 years, one year after the death of both of my children. I swore to never marry again, but did two years ago. He also had lost a child and accepted me kindly with all my baggage. He never hurt me in any way. Then today i was again in one of my major depressed moods so i took a little too much of my meds and fell asleep. When i woke up two hours later my pants were off. He said he did that to massage my legs, but he didn't touch me sexually even though he could have. He doesn't understand, but i feel like i have been raped all over again. All the years of therapy and i am right back where i was all those years ago. I am sorry this is so long, but i feel like i am dying here. He says i am being crazy when i try to talk to him because he would never do that. Can anybody, please, tell me what i can or should do. I am more depressed now then i was before i went to sleep. I would appreciate any suggestions. You can send me private messages since i seem to forget where this is, but need some answers. Going crazy here... HELP!

Hello Skyler: I am so sorry for all of the trouble you have seen. We hear on TV, or read in the newspapers, about things such as you have experienced. But somehow reading your post makes it all seem so much more real.

I don't know if I really have much of anything to offer. It sounds to me as though your husband is feeling defensive. And so calling you crazy is a way for him to defend himself. Of course, I can't know what he may or may not have done. It could be that he's defensive because he really didn't do anything but massage your legs & he's hurt that you'd think he did. Or it's also possible that something more did occur & he feels guilty & so is defending himself because he does not want to admit the truth either to you or himself.

To some extent, to my mind, it doesn't really matter whether he did or didn't do something. What is significant here is that you have some long-held trauma that you are still dealing with & also that you & your husband have some marital issues that need to be resolved. So, my thought would be that you need to find a therapist who is experienced in dealing with PTSD among other things. And also you & your husband need to engage each other in a marriage counseling situation. It would, no doubt, also be useful for your husband to see someone on his own as well, of course, if he is willing.

I obviously don't know anything about your husband's willingness to engage in such a process. And, if he's not willing, then the avenue that remains open to you is individual therapy for yourself. That may not be ideal. But all you can do, is all you can do. I also don't know anything about your financial situation or where you live (large city vs. rural area.) If you live where there are resources available then there may be a wider variety of services available to you than will be if you live in a rural area. If there are any women's services organizations in your area, this might be a good place to start. There is also the National Domestic Violence Hotline which you could call for assistance. Their number is: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)... The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support If nothing else, there would be someone there you could talk with, live, to help you sort out this problem. May good fortune follow you from here on.

[Alone & confused]

Sounds like P.T.S.D. to me. Darlin' you need a Purple Heart , a hug , a holiday or SOMETHING for surviving all of that! I had two abusive husbands but not as sever as yours. I can some-what relate. I react when anyone touches my neck & throat due to being chocked un conscience, I've had guns pulled on me, knives to my throat, detailed death threats, he would pull a gun on me & I'd try to run over him with the truck to get me & the kids to safety. Anyway, if you need to talk I'm here.

[skyler143]

Thank you. It helps to know i am not alone. I am glad you survived and i really wish you the best. I feel like i am dead inside right now

Sent from my ZTE V768 using Tapatalk 2

[hamster-bamster]

I think that the main danger to you is not associated with your husband. You wrote about taking too much of your meds in such a casual, matter-of-fact manner that one wonders how often you do such things. Overmedicating may backfire, as I am sure you realize. In particular, you may one day not wake up. I would, at this point, rejoice, because you woke up, and notify your pdoc that you are in the habit of overmedicating with prescription drugs. Maybe the pdoc will change your prescriptions so that the pharmacist would only dispense that much at a time and no more. Another idea, if the husband is willing, is to get a locked cabinet and a week-long medication tray so that your husband could fill the tray once a week and lock the cabinet keeping the key on his key chain.

[cdnomore]

Geez! I feel angry, really ANGRY when I read about how some have been abused. No one should even make it past that first threat! I wish I could be omnipresent and show up like a superhero and break the fingers of people who do this!
Well, I can't, and whats done is done, you've been through a lot, now is the time to heal, but it doesn't just happen overnight, or just because you want it to...you have to go through a lot to get to where you will feel safe and in control of your life again.
You have a lot of scars, you need professional help.
You are valuable and worth every minute of the healing that you need, you have to beleive in that and not give up...
The others' here are right, you have flashbacks, even though the feelings you are having about reliving the trauma of the rape seem as real as the moment it happened, you have to be willing to accept that its your brain protecting your body with the chemical components of survival, your reaction to your husband is part of that, but, before you can wade through all of that, you need to get some support some professional support...don't wait, you need it now.