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#1
Feb 27, 2014, 07:30 AM
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Like I said before my boyfriend was talking to girls on Facebook well last night he sent a girl a picture of his **** I don't know what to do I'm so in love with him I don't want to leave I want him to stop all of this its hurting me so bad I cant sleep right I don't want to even touch him now after seeing that I don't know what I'm doing so wrong I do everything he wants to done in lost hurt angry I love him to much to let go I'm not strong enough for this at all I have no one who will understand and friends don't help all they say is leave him leave him I don't want to I feel like I'm not supporting him enough about himself so he talks to women someone please help me I need it.
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 allme, punkybrewster6k
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#2
Feb 27, 2014, 10:29 AM
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he has issues..... scary mental issues.
I think you need to rethink why you would want to be with someone who is rather creepy. |
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#3
Feb 27, 2014, 10:54 AM
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Quote:
How did you find this out OP? |
 hamster-bamster
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#4
Feb 27, 2014, 10:59 AM
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Idk why so many people believe love equals accepting being ill treated.
  Your friends tell you to leave because they care and, they would love to see you with someone who respects you, also seeing you respect yourself wouldn't hurt either. Idk what to say honestly, its saddening and maddening to read threads such as yours and I know my replies aren't exactly welcomed. Not everyone is open to reality checks from strangers... What would you say to your (hypothetical) baby sister if she was in your shoes and came to you for advice? Would you tell her to suck it up in the name of love? Tell her that love means accepting being disrespected, distrust, online affairs and feeling like you're never good enough? Would you condone her sacrificing her self-respect in the name of love? Would you blame her for not being supportive enough, thus causing him to seek female attention elsewhere? Or would you encourage her to find someone worthy of her love and devotion? Tell her that she's worth more than she realizes and that she's settling for so much less than life has to offer? Wouldn't you want her to be with a man who respects her and treats her like she's the only woman alive, a man who RETURNS her love and adoration? Because if I had a baby sister, the latter would be my input, and if I were in your shoes, the exit would be my direction. Remember this: Love is not enough. If it were nobody would really split up because usually atleast 1 partner is inlove. Firstly love needs to be RECIPROCATED in order to be true, secondly it needs to be accompanied by trust, honour, respect and kindness in order to survive. Love alone is never enough, and love shouldn't be used as an excuse to condone being treated badly. You not being supportive enough is no reason to indulge in such behaviours. I suggest you find out what it really is that keeps you with him and take it from there, that's essentially what you need help with...
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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| bushwackback, Jan1212, punkybrewster6k, recentdiscovery, x_BabyG_x
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#5
Feb 27, 2014, 11:46 AM
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This 'man' does not love or respect you. He is having his cake and eating it too at your expense. Dump him, gain self respect, go on with your life.
Deal with your broken heart, cut ties and begin to heal. I wish this had never happened to you, but I am glad you found out before you invested more of your life in someone who doesn't give a crap about you. What an awful situation, again, I am very sorry! HourHand |
| Jan1212, nycgal448, Trippin2.0
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#6
Feb 27, 2014, 11:57 AM
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How long have you been with him?
What an awful situation  By no means is this in ANY WAY your fault! 
__________________
’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’ |
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#7
Feb 27, 2014, 12:14 PM
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If I ever was that much of a thoughtless Jack *** (which I never will be), I would get kicked to the curb so fast it would take days to figure out how I got there. And several surgeries to get the concrete out of who know where as I would be hitting it very hard.
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| Trippin2.0
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#8
Feb 27, 2014, 12:35 PM
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I think you should get away from him, he is getting his cake and eating it too as someone else suggessted. You need respect and deserve more.
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#9
Feb 27, 2014, 01:49 PM
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Hard to leave someone you love, but it can be done. I think far from not supporting him enough, you are supporting him too much which leaves him thinking he can do as he pleases.
The best thing you can do is dump him, maybe that will shock him into behaving decently. Remember love should feel like love. It should make you happy, if you feel sad most of the time its time to go. |
| Trippin2.0
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#10
Feb 27, 2014, 02:16 PM
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 It is very tough to see clearly when you are in the midst of a crisis.. You did the right thing by posting here. You need to leave this relationship, and do it ASAP. You will continue to get the help and support you need right here from folks who care and who have successfully broken free of their abusers. He is not going to change... ever... but you already are, by coming here. Keep coming back and telling us what's happening and how you are....
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#11
Feb 27, 2014, 08:24 PM
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Quote:
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| Trippin2.0
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#12
Feb 27, 2014, 08:55 PM
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i'm sorry, that is a form of cheating and U deserve much better.
cut ur losses , leave now, and move on, u will save urself alot of wasted time and stress, cuzwhat he is doin to u is NOT love. sorry. Gl
__________________
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| Trippin2.0
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#13
Feb 27, 2014, 09:17 PM
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we need to send all of these assholes to an island, where they can destroy one another and keep all of the good people in the real world.
Where do these people come from? more importantly, how have we put ourselves in a position to think that this on any level, justifies 'true love'. It is one thing, for everyone to judge and say that she deserves better (he is a tool), but what we need to be focussing on - is where and why do we feel this is real love. When you are growing up; you are taught to do onto others as you would have them do onto you. Now, dont get me wrong. I have done wrong in the past, but ****, no one deserves this kinda crap. I think we need a 101 on what true love is. How can we move forward, when these as the people we are facing. Let's hope by the next generation, this changes. |
| Anonymous100185
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| Trippin2.0
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#14
Feb 28, 2014, 01:35 AM
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Quote:
So you feel that you are not supporting you ENOUGH. I take it, that means that you are supporting him somewhat, but not enough, and therefore he only sent that lovely pic to one woman on Facebook. Had you not supported him at all, he would have sent the pic to each one of his 641 female contacts. Right? So you are hoping that if you manage to support him a bit more, then he would stop sending such pictures at all. I think this might very well work, and as such is worth trying. Your weekend assignment to support your bf is as follows: 1. Stop mentioning the incident and be your most playful self, but have some private time, too. 2. Here I will be out of my depth because I am, relatively speaking, an old Luddite, but even I know how Android tablets have built-in cameras with the option to take pictures of yourself. I am sure people who are younger and more tech savvy can provide details. 3. I am not suggesting that you take a shot of your crotch. No, that would be too banal and quid pro quo. No, take a picture of your best asset, or two. Naked or in lingerie or what have you. Spend some time getting it right. Make sure the face is not in the picture. If you can, apply photo-editing tools. You need to end up with three good pictures. The pictures need to be suggestive in a tasteful way (another argument against simple crotch shots). 4. Try to recall the names of at least three male friends of yours, but the more the merrier. I will call your friends Andrew, Bill, and Carlos. 5. The choice of the mode of communication is yours, so I will fast-forward to the goal of communication, which is to obtain your bf's feedback on those 3 or 3+ shots that you have selected, because you, being a supportive friend to all, do not want to spam Andrew, Bill, or Carlos with excessive messages. But you are lost and unable to choose the best picture, so could he please, pleeeeeez, pretty please help make that call. At this juncture he would have some options. 1. Get it right away and try to find words for a sincere apology. 2. Get it right away and start selecting the best image, realizing that this is the price he is paying for learning an important lesson. 3. Not get it right away, but start looking at the pictures with interest (this one is very open-ended). 4. Get excited about the proposed task, and then you both can learn unexpected things about each other. There are other potential ways, too. If he finds himself in (2), then all his subsequent wives, girlfriends etc. Will owe you royalties. At any rate, I cannot think of any other way for you to give him much needed support. Sent from my SGH-T889 using Tapatalk |
| healingme4me
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#15
Feb 28, 2014, 11:49 PM
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My heart goes out to you but I'm going to be very sobering and terse. I think that's what you need and it's what you're asking for. First, you need to understand that there is nothing you did or can possibly do to make him send pictures of himself to other girls or contact girls on FB. Nothing. NOTHING Ok? NOTHING It's not possible. You could spit in his face, deny him any sexual contact at all, tell him you hate him, and still his showing pictures of himself to other girls will be 100% his choice. So do yourself a favor and admit that reality. Let it set you free from the responsibility. Don't take control for what you cannot control. It's hard enough to take responsibility for what we are responsible for. Now, having said that, let's focus on the issue you brought up... I don't know the history and level of relationship you have with this guy so I will leave judgment on all of that aside. If you love him and want to help him, then there are two key points that I hope you'll respond to. 1. It sounds like your boyfriend is an addict, or well on his way there. This picture he sent that there is a whole world he is involved in or working his way into, and you have barely seen the tip of the iceberg. I highly recommend you look at these sites which will help you understand the power of the deceptive world created by combining the powers of sex and the internet. www.yourbrainonporn.com www.yourbrainrebalanced.com Hopefully these won't get me blocked or deleted or whatever because they are purely educational/helpful, free, and are very relevant to depression caused by these addictions. I want you to see these because they show you that this is beyond your control and you are fighting against mother nature short-circuited by a technological industry that is overwhelmingly destroying peoples' lives all over the world. From these, I hope you will see that you can't stop an addict who isn't 100% serious about changing himself and overcoming his own issues. He could love you with all his heart, but if he doesn't deal with this stuff he will continue to have this other twisted, second life--and he will suck you down with him and ruin yours. 2. If you do love him, then drawing a line in the sand and not letting him do this to your relationship is the best thing you can do for him. That would be the loving thing. Leaving someone you love because they are just destroying themselves and you is more loving than staying in it with them because you are afraid of the consequences. So when you're friends say to "leave him," even though it is easy to just say )and some friends might not even have the best motives), some are telling you that because it is the best advice they can give and they care about you. It is possible to love someone and not support what they do. In fact, not supporting all the things they do can be the best way to love them. We should probably all look at each other and ourselves more like doctors sometimes. ;-) |
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#16
Mar 01, 2014, 12:11 AM
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Ashi,
How did you find out about the pic he sent to that one gal? Do you have his password? If you do, send that picture to his entire friends list, with a caption that reads "thinking of you...". And then have fun watching him deal with the consequences. And yes, I am dead serious. Sent from my SGH-T889 using Tapatalk |
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