[redbandit]

This may sound dumb, but to me it's a big deal . My husband is a very, very messy person and it's really getting to me. Messes make me nervous and depressed . He knows this . And yes, I knew he was messy before we got married to some extent. But I really really hate when people say "you married him". Doesn't help.
That's not the only issue . I'm a little worried about him lately . Idk if it's the stress from his job or what but he just seems to be "regressing" . By that, I mean acting very immature. Idk what to do. I have to basically force him to do anything, and when I'm depressed I can't be pushing two people .
It's just wearing me out. I love him, it's probably not coming off like that in this post. I don't think I could live without him, but we need to be on the same page . I'm so sick of him avoiding issues, just because he's afraid of making me upset . I'll get more upset if you don't discuss something important with me!
maybe I'm just depressed because its Valentine's day. I don't do well on holidays lately .
Thanks for reading .

[gloamingone]

I've noticed since I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago, his neat tendencies have completely disappeared. Since I'm home all day, I do the cleaning, which is totally fine, but it would be nice if he'd be a little more proactive about picking up after himself. Also, we never talk about anything meaningful (he's probably afraid I'll cry) and the sex is nonexistent.

It's hard to be in a relationship when you're depressed, especially when it's like pulling teeth trying to get what you need. I've basically decided this is the way he is, and at 57, he's unlikely to change. Since accepting that, my own attitude toward him and our relationship has improved dramatically. There are still issues (always will be!) but instead of crying for hours about them, I just get irritated or frustrated.

I hope you can concentrate on taking care of yourself during this depression. That's the most important thing. I can't imagine how hard it must be to deal with messes when they make you anxious and even more depressed! I wish I could help. :-(

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Rose3]

I would comment that this might be good opportunity for you to consider what you're hoping for and what your priorities are. Is he feeling pressure from you? What is the level of mess? Are there some small steps that you, or he, could both of you, could agree on, in order to deal with the messes, or to maybe re-consider how significant the messes are? Just a thought - when my former partner had a different approach to housecleaning (non-existent), or dish-washing (leave it until it's convenient) - I realized that he aimed to enjoy life first, and do the dishes later - and I'm ok with that approach. And although I believe that it's a good idea for both to share tasks, if it bothers you so much then maybe do it yourself. I lost my partner, and really would prefer to have kept this otherwise very fine person (mess and all), who was so kind-hearted, helpful, and generous in other ways.

[redbandit]

I don't enjoy feeling like a maid. It's not important to him to have a clean house . I think the only way our place will ever be clean enough is if we get a maid, which is ridiculous . I've brought up the idea of a "chore chart" , sometimes he goes along with my ideas. But he only cleans when he gets in the mood. Unfortunately, I get in very depressed moods where I don't want to clean either .
I just don't get how some of my friends have such clean houses! Even with kids. Sorry, just feeling really lousy. Now he's sick, because he didn't listen to me and spent all day out in the cold. He does this every time .