[lightinthesky]

Again me..
well as some of you might remember, my life was literary destroyed this October. I was with this man for over 4 years. Our relationship were very serious, we lived together, we had our own "family", we were planning to get married and told our families about it, I loved him more than anything else in this world. I still do. I truly believed and felt like he feels the same way.
We had a problem, this problem was his drug addiction to methadone (he was on methadone program for over 5 years in Ireland) we thought that since we are planning to move to Dubai next year, it would be a good idea to ask his parents for help and get him into rehab. His dad arranged it. He had to leave me in august to go to Iran for rehab with his dad. Every day we talked, messaged, he was saying he is missing me and that all this is good for us and our future family, he stayed in rehab for 2 weeks, then he went for a short holiday to Dubai where his dad took him to a psychotherapist..
long story short - after about 2 week spent in Dubai, he called me and out of the blue told me "Listen, I am a different man now, sorry I can't do this, I don't love you. I need to do my own thing for a while and coming back to Ireland isn't the best idea for me. I don't want a family together, I don't want to regret this in a few years". All he did was this one phone call, after so many years, after everything we went through, even the call lasted less than 4 minutes because he "had to go". He told me it was all mistake and I should never trust a drug addict.
I was left in our apartment and had to move out and send to his mother his documents because he wouldn't even talk to me about this, where to send it, how to send it, all this I had to ask his mother.
He blocked me everywhere and ignored me, almost every day I was texting him using my second facebook account, few times he told me "i need to do my own thing, our life as we knew it is over". But then he just stopped answering at all and he blocked all my accounts from which I tried to contact him.
Few months later, after one of my friends told him that I am taking this break up quiet hard he replied to me saying "sorry I know I shouldn't have done it this way, but I need to do my own thing". We tried to be friends but after only one day talking he started ignoring me again.

So here I am, at least once a week I am texting him, almost crying for help, looking for answers about our past, I am telling him that I accept his decision but I don't understand why he had to do it THIS way, I am asking him how could he possibly hurt me this way after everything that we promised to each other. All I am asking is for him to talk to me, in a respectful way. He blocks me or ignores me. I know he is having a good life now but I am so hurt and I realize that what I do is sick. He has hurt me so much and I keep knocking on closed doors because I simply can not believe to what happened and I can not believe that he was the one who did this and did it like THAT and why can't he handle it in a different way, why does he think that it is ok to be blocking me??? a woman he claimed he loved so much, wanted to marry, I was always supporting him. I still text him, trying to make him my friend, telling him that we don't need to talk about past, let's at least talk about anything, I don't want to lose him completely. I know I must look desperate but my whole universe was shattered in one day, it has been 5 months and this situation is still my present horror when for him it is clearly not. I need help. I have been seeing a therapist for over 2 months, she would help me but only for short periods. I need some advice, more advice, help because I am so close to just destroy my life and give up and do something bad, this love is killing me.

I actually wana cry reading this xx

[Smellyfinger]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I really have no advice for you though. To be honest I can't even help myself. So I'm sorry. I wish I could help, I really do

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[lightinthesky]

please.. I need help/advice, I have enough feeling sorry for myself, I want something that can move me at least a little from where I am now.

Am same xxx
They say time is a healer though.
Do You go to any classes or anything? Xx

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

Am same xxx
They say time is a healer though.
Do You go to any classes or anything? Xx

It has been 5 months already and I am not moving anywhere.. I am taking different classes and I was seeing a therapist.. my biggest problem is that I keep looking for this contact with him even tho he clearly doesn't want it, at all, he has blocked me million times. I keep and keep trying again

[pinkbutterfly]

Oh honey...I am so sorry. That's absolutely horrible that he did that to you.

It takes a while to get through something like that. My best friend was married, and her husband decided while he was overseas on a deployment that he didn't want to be with her. There were six months after he got home that he moved in with his mom...and told her he wasn't coming back. That was a year and a half ago. It's still difficult for her. It takes time. But it's getting better.

What do you do during the day? Do you have something that you enjoy...that you do for yourself? Start small...incorporate something into your life that is your own. It's hard to start building your own life apart from him when you've spent so much time and effort building a life with him.

Take some time to think about what you want to do, who you want to be.

Hope this helps some...I will be thinking of you!

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by pinkbutterfly

Oh honey...I am so sorry. That's absolutely horrible that he did that to you.

It takes a while to get through something like that. My best friend was married, and her husband decided while he was overseas on a deployment that he didn't want to be with her. There were six months after he got home that he moved in with his mom...and told her he wasn't coming back. That was a year and a half ago. It's still difficult for her. It takes time. But it's getting better.

What do you do during the day? Do you have something that you enjoy...that you do for yourself? Start small...incorporate something into your life that is your own. It's hard to start building your own life apart from him when you've spent so much time and effort building a life with him.

Take some time to think about what you want to do, who you want to be.

Hope this helps some...I will be thinking of you!

I have some dance classes I'm going to.. fitness too. I don't think this is an issue, I don't know what is. I want so much to stop myself but I still can't

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[Trippin2.0]

Acceptance is the only thing that can help you become unstuck and thus move forward.

Once you accept that its over and also how it came to be over, only then will your obsession with remaining in contact dissipate, and then completely disappear.

I'm not saying you're in denial about the break up, but true acceptance leads to letting go, and you've never reached that point of accepting how it ended.

You're looking for this understanding and meaningful ending, and sometimes we just don't get it. Sometimes we have to move on without the closure we seek and feel we need.
Sometimes we have to create our own closure for our peace of mind.

I suggest you work on this with your therapist, and strongly suggest you start by working on wanting to accept....

[Fuzzybear]

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Acceptance is the only thing that can help you become unstuck and thus move forward.

Once you accept that its over and also how it came to be over, only then will your obsession with remaining in contact dissipate, and then completely disappear.

I'm not saying you're in denial about the break up, but true acceptance leads to letting go, and you've never reached that point of accepting how it ended.

You're looking for this understanding and meaningful ending, and sometimes we just don't get it. Sometimes we have to move on without the closure we seek and feel we need.
Sometimes we have to create our own closure for our peace of mind.

I suggest you work on this with your therapist, and strongly suggest you start by working on wanting to accept....

I want to but I love him still, so much. So much. And I have so many questions unanswered. What do I do with those? All these questions in my head, why he behaves like a stranger when we used to share everything, our lives. Why doesn't he help. How am I supposed to just say "fine, no need for closure on 4 years relationship, just goodbye to him will do". How?

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My ex left and cheated on me 4 years into relationship.
It took me two years to move on. I done this by getting my own life and bettering my career choices by doing courses. Soon when u least expect it ur soulmate will come along xxx

It hurts. Yes. But in the end it will be them crawling back to you and in time u will realise u will not want him back after how he has treated u as u will gain self respect and not let him mess you around again. Am sorry to hear your story though. It upsets me but I only know how I done it xxx

[pinkbutterfly]

As much as we want closure, sometimes that never happens. It sounds like you may not get that opportunity. Maybe try writing a letter to get your feelings out and share it with your counselor. Don't necessarily send it to him. But do it for you.

It takes a while to get to acceptance. But you can do it.

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

It hurts. Yes. But in the end it will be them crawling back to you and in time u will realise u will not want him back after how he has treated u as u will gain self respect and not let him mess you around again. Am sorry to hear your story though. It upsets me but I only know how I done it xxx

I feel weak. I didn't even start making my life better. I feel very weak without him and broken. Like I cant make steps without him because he was always pushing me. It's not even that I don't know what is it ... I keep looking for a contact and even I stop I can o Ly stop for weeks or month and then back again. I hate myself so much for doing this because I know I don't deserve it.

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I know babe and I feel for you but u really need to try and expand ur life and accept he is gone and build on it. U will have support around u in friends and family I presume? U also have friends here willing to listen too xxx u will feel weak, u thought he was the one and ur down and out but personally I think the best way is to concentrate on you and get confidence to do what u dream of doing or at least have a dream board or bucket lost and work through it. Time will heal your heart xxxx

If u ever feel down or some sort of comfort il always be happy to listen to u xx

[Elektra_]

hi. u do have an answer. he was drug addict and now hes fine. this is the real him. he said was a mistake. is not the answer u wanted but i believe he wont give u another one. as tippin said u need to accept it and move on. and to keep contacting him is just humiliate urself and he will lose more respect for u and ignore u even more. thats not love thats obsession about an idea u had of him caz in fact u never really knew him in my opinion. delete all contacts and move on. tc

Yup xx as elektra said xx

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

If u ever feel down or some sort of comfort il always be happy to listen to u xx

Thank you, I will..

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[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

hi. u do have an answer. he was drug addict and now hes fine. this is the real him. he said was a mistake. is not the answer u wanted but i believe he wont give u another one. as tippin said u need to accept it and move on. and to keep contacting him is just humiliate urself and he will lose more respect for u and ignore u even more. thats not love thats obsession about an idea u had of him caz in fact u never really knew him in my opinion. delete all contacts and move on. tc

Over 4 years of our life together him was not him? He is still in contact with our old friends, why can't he talk with me? Who I became for me and what on earth did I do to him?

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He's probably has issues also due to drugs. Xxx my cousins life is messed up badly due to them and has become a strange person since rehab and suffers schizophrenia due to them? Well so they said .... X

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

He's probably has issues also due to drugs. Xxx my cousins life is messed up badly due to them and has become a strange person since rehab and suffers schizophrenia due to them? Well so they said .... X

He seems to be fine and happy on pictures, doing sports and all.. i don't think his personality changed.. i don't know what to think. Don't think he had to be like this towards to me, even if things changed he could pay respect and talk to me.. i don't know

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Yeah he has gone about it all wrong I agree but he isn't worth the time of day if he can't give you closure so u do really need to put this down to experience and live as you learn sorta thing. He doesn't deserve you and u need to realise that. I honestly don't think he's man enough and think he possibly had it on his agenda for a while but felt the need to cling to u for support while he for thru it. And used you. I think now is time to work on your esteem and let him go xxx

Sorry if I sound harsh sweet but i think he's took u for a fool and used u as a shoulder to cry on until he got independent xxx