Am I a jerk?

My honey has been pressuring me about coming to visit him, even though my car has been in the shop for three weeks. I had to take a test in his city, so I rented a car and switched a shift so that we could have time to hang out the following day.

We had plans for Saturday at noon for the whole time before he went to work at 9 pm. Then, his brother called and said that he was coming into town. He sees his brothers every week when he comes and visits me. Also, they are going on a four day trip today. So, I don't understand why he had to incorporate his brother into our plans. Also, I like to be warned before I meet family.

He said that they were just stopping by and then we'd all go to a market. I told my friend to go there and that I could meet her there. However, we all had to stay at his house for 4 HOURS. I missed seeing my friend. My honey should have told me that it would take a while and that I should go do whatever I want. Plus, few people at the house talked to me and my honey told me that the child there "takes president over me".

I feel like no one had any consideration for my feelings or time. I feel like I was just at the whim of everyone else and that that was expected of me. I talked to my honey about my feelings and he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He kept saying things about "when people have kids ..." which implied that their time is more valuable than mine. It's so unfair! Also, I think it's false. My cousins or friends with kids don't act like that.

I am so sick of being pushed into a corner by children. I get this a lot from my new grandparent stepmom and my mom who nannies. Also, none of my step siblings congratulated me on graduating or getting a job, even though I congratulated them on their pregnancies.

It hurts more because I am moving to China in two months. Shouldn't he value time with me more? We barely got to hang out. Also, my only biological sibling died, so it's hard to be pushed into a corner because of other people's siblings.

Am I a jerk for thinking that it's not my place to be at the whim of everyone else? I'm a person too

Hi HenryDavid. I don't think you were being a jerk at all. If you have children they may be first, but in the situation you described why should others children come first. To me the situation you described I those others were not part of the plan.
Actually I am kind of blown away by our "honeys" reaction !! I think your honey did what he wanted to do without any consideration for you or the friend that you were going to meet at the market. And his family obviously had no consideration either.
Relationships are give and take and sorry I see you as the giver and him as a taker.
Usually I try to make sense and see both sides of situations but with your description I am thinking maybe when you leave for China (which sounds fantastic) you would be better off to find a new honey. One who appreciates you!!!!! And Cares about your feelings!!!

Despite our talk, I don't think that he sees where I'm coming from. If this happens again, I'll just leave. Actions (negative reinforcement speak louder than words. I think that he is using my pending departure as an excuse to not get close.

But he wants me to meet his family and Skype with him ....

Nah, you're not a jerk. A lot of people would be upset if they made plans with their boyfriend they hadn't seen in three weeks just to find out that he wanted to spend all day at his brother's, interrupting your other plans. I bet you are right and that the move to China does play into the way he is acting.

yes i think he is probably thwarting your move to china, as he probably doesn't want to lose you, or just is scared you'll meet someone else and is giving you space to leave because he can't deal with it. it is a big change for you and him. you are not a jerk just wondering about your future together, he probably doesn't want to get hurt so is giving you your space to decide. people do have their kids to worry about but he should have told you before you left to see him that they would be a part of the visit.

Not a jerk at all..

We're actually not officially dating. He seems to bring up China more than me. I'll complain about something not on that topic and he'll say something like, "I know; you can't wait until you're gone." He'll say things like, "we knew you were moving when we got involved." idk what he means by that. He acts like he cares, but he also says stuff sometimes that make me suspect that he doesn't.