[NemOthEgReaT]

I cant communicate. At all. Well I can here,a bit, but that's it. I'm mute,I don't even know why, and (again, don't know why) but I can't even write anymore. Both these things have psychological causes (physically I can speak,and I know how to write).
This is killing me inside, I can't share anything with anyone. I tried writing letters to people but I end up getting angry and confused and just ripping them up. Same happens writing to myself.
But recently its getting even more important that I communicate because I'm going into social care soon and I need to be able to communicate with social workers and foster family etc, and I'm in a psychiatric hospital but my treatment is going nowhere because I can't communicate ay all to them,only nods at stuff or shake mt head. The staff all hate me anyway because I am mute so they don't try to help me communicate anyway.

I font know what to do. I feel like I'm going to explode but I can't even ask for help, I can't even begin to. I just, im out of ideas. If anyone has been here before, if anyone has just been completely trapped inside themselves,please just tell me I am not alone. I cant carry on like this. I'm only fifteen, I could DO so much with my life, but not like this.

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by NemOthEgReaT

I cant communicate. At all. Well I can here,a bit, but that's it. I'm mute,I don't even know why, and (again, don't know why) but I can't even write anymore. Both these things have psychological causes (physically I can speak,and I know how to write).
This is killing me inside, I can't share anything with anyone. I tried writing letters to people but I end up getting angry and confused and just ripping them up. Same happens writing to myself.
But recently its getting even more important that I communicate because I'm going into social care soon and I need to be able to communicate with social workers and foster family etc, and I'm in a psychiatric hospital but my treatment is going nowhere because I can't communicate ay all to them,only nods at stuff or shake mt head. The staff all hate me anyway because I am mute so they don't try to help me communicate anyway.

I font know what to do. I feel like I'm going to explode but I can't even ask for help, I can't even begin to. I just, im out of ideas. If anyone has been here before, if anyone has just been completely trapped inside themselves,please just tell me I am not alone. I cant carry on like this. I'm only fifteen, I could DO so much with my life, but not like this.

Can you draw? That may help you express itself.
And maybe if you can draw then draw letters and just write one word about how ur feeling and build up from there. And if you can't draw, maybe exercise. Take it slow. Put "anger" "sad" "confused" "hurt" "alone" they don't have to know why yet, just getting out that you feel an emotion can help. You would be drawing the letters, not really writing out every single thing youre feeling. Simplify it. Take it one emotion at a time. "Lost" would be another word to draw if you wanna try it out like that.
I hope that helps u feel more comfortable.

[yellowfrog268]

Your not alone!!!

I'm curious to know something. You mention that your in hospital now. Have you been started on some new medication?

Also, can you show the staff this post you made? It may help.

Hugs to you.

[NemOthEgReaT]

Thankyou for replying so quickly <3
Drawing isn't something I had thought of before so Thankyou, I'll try it out.

Yellowfrog, no, I'm not on medication. Ice been in hospital for a year and tried fluoxetine and sertraline and promethazine but each time the Dr stopped it after a few weeks for no real reason. I can't show anyone this post, I can only write things to strangers on the internet thanks for replying xxxx

Drawing is an excellent suggestion. Start with your emotions. I find it easier to draw how I feel (for example, a smilie face or a frowny face) and then try writing the words out with them. Then draw a picture of your family. Draw your pets. Write their names. Do it slowly.

And perhaps you can type to them as well? Do they have some sort of mini tablet or something you can use? Or perhaps a computer? (or even an old typewriter could work). That way you can try and talk with your therapist a little There are plenty of other options as well, including learning sign language and lip reading.

Best of luck and keep us updated

[Frankbtl]

Hi, I'm wondering if you can get out the way you're feeling by looking up poems on the web and choosing ones that come close to how you're feeling (even if you only use a few lines to show someone). That may make you feel less alone by someone else having written/typed what you're feeling and give you a bit more confidence passing these on to others.
Even choose some pictures/scenes from google images (?) to paste onto a document to show how you're feeling.
And yes, art can be a real good thing even if you start out with just painting colours/shapes/forms as to how you're feeling with a few words thrown into there.
But as well think about all the "worst case scenarios" that could happen if someone felt like you and they shared their feelings. I know you don't know why it's so hard for you, so think about someone else. Then maybe something will "gel" as you're challenging each possible outcome and you can come a bit closer to helping yourself open up.
I'm wondering if you either feel bad about yourself or are too tough on yourself as well??
I mean maybe the staff there don't try to communicate with you because they're not expecting you to communicate back not because they hate you. It's still wrong of them of course but that's more about them not being very good not about you.
Then it would be good if you could try to communicate with someone there, is there anyone who you might be able to break down the barriers just a little with??
And again, I think that people out there when you hit the social care system (with their training) should be more understanding and helpful than you might think if they know you have some difficulties with communicating. So don't "beat yourself up" too much if it's taking you a little time to communicate everything, they are there to help you and should support you each step of the way.
So give yourself some time, try different things and take it at your own pace.
Best wishes
Alison
P.S is there any way you can force yourself not to rip up what you're writing. Even if you just put the letters to one side and either read or consider sending/giving them to someone a few days later. Then at least you're giving yourself a bit more of a chance/choice in sending/giving them or not sending/giving them.

[Rose3]

- maybe the arts can be a valuable outlet for you - drawing, painting, collage, clay, music, poetry, journals - there are so many ways for you to try. If you had an art therapist - someone who will really listen to you and be present for you - maybe this would be helpful.

[NemOthEgReaT]

Thank you so much for all your suggestions. I've written letters to my school friends because I don't see them anymore but want to keep in touch. Sometimes after I write them I get stronger urges to hurt myself and it makes me really paranoid and anxious. I know some sign and I use that if I'm having an ok day but often it feels too risky to even move an average amount. When I do communicate the voices panic and that makes me panic because it takes a lot to scare the voices. I'm trying to draw and stuff and find quotes and poems and pictures that express things but people can be so clueless it just confuses them, even people I know really well, they just talk about art if I show them a picture and completely dismiss what im trying to convey. Then I get frustrated and tgey say I'm bring rude so I just curl up and give up. Anyway...I'll keep trying,but I do have to go now because typing here is scaring me.
Thanks for your suggestions and support xxxx

[hamster-bamster]

If the hospital has a patients' advocacy office, you should get their email address and notify them, in writing, that you fear being misunderstood, mistreated, etc., by hospital staff.

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