Please give opinions!

Hi, I am new here, and am looking for some sort of advice. I have PTSD and have a trait of Dissociation (when things get stressful I go numb or black out) Recently though the dissociation hasn't been there, which amazes me with all the stress going on right now.

My problem is I am worried about my husband, he seem very confused and angry. His mind changes a lot and he can't make a decision.

Story: We haven't touched the Ipad in 3 months, but I charged it yesterday to use the story reader to read the baby a story while I finish my homework. I honestly am not sure how this happened, but his text messages from his iphone popped up on the screen of the ipad. Most of the messages is stay that he wants out of the marriage, his confused, he staying for our daughter and that I am forcing him to stay. He also said I forced him into marriage.

Now, granted, if it was a female I would think he is trying to get laid, but this was to one of his good guy friends. (my husband cheated in the past most recent time was in January) I told him Sunday night that if he wanted to leave that I couldn't stop him, so I have no idea how I am forcing him to stay.

We have issue since December, and he did get every secretive. Freaking out when I would pick up his phone to bring it to him, being distant, testy. Like I couldn't say anything to him without him getting upset. He also hates when I ask questions. I realize that do to the cheating I am more, on guard, then I should be but sometimes things don't seem to add up.

Well, last night when I told him I saw what he was saying and decided that if he wants to move into the barracks that he should. He claimed that I was forcing his decision, that he doesn't no what he wants. (my husband gives me whiplash sometimes because how he changes his mind so much) He said he was confused and that he needed time to think. I said that's fine, so I assumed (I know I shouldn't have) that one of us should stay somewhere else. He said he didn't want to go to the barracks because he doesn't want the unit involved. I told him our daughter and I can stay with one of my friends, and he declined. So i said I would sleep in the other room to give him space. He got upset and wanted me in our room.

What I find weird is, I never lost my temper I was calm. (I think I started with withdraw emotionally but I wasn't completely numb just calm) So I laid down. and he held on to me.

Granted, I know it shows like my husband lying and playing a game but he said something that strikes me as odd. He said "My head keeps screaming that I can't even here my own whispers" According to him, this has been going on since December (when I noticed changes) But swore it's because of how I don't trust him.

He always has had sense of time, more times then I can count he said "we just paid this bill yesterday" when it's been a month. Like time jumps for him.

Clear up until last night, I thought it was me that was mental ill. But I think something might be wrong with him..... HELP

Maybe your husband is having guilt issues? Surely he must feel bad for the cheating. I know you said it happened in January but maybe before that too? I found out, easily, when they start hiding things somethings going on. You sound okay, with the affair, which I find a little odd. Is he crying out for attention? Maybe he really loves you but he doesn't feel like he is getting what he needs from you? Just a few questions for you. I know a relationship goes both ways, and communication between you needs to happen. Counseling maybe.

It sounds to me like your husband is really struggling with something or maybe many things. It could be anything really and honestly he is the only one who can figure it out. And chances are he doesn't even know what it is.

If you really want to try to work things out you need to do counseling or at least find a way to work with him on communication. It took me a long time to get to a point where I could effectively communicate to my husband what I needed/wanted. We are so very different in our communication needs. There are a few good books and articles out there about communication styles and how to effectively communicate with the different types.

Once there is a line of communication you can start working on what he wants and you want out of your relationship. The biggest thing I learned was my husband isn't a mind reader. Seems obvious right, nope. I had to think of all of the times when I would say, "He should have known_____." The thing is, he didn't know. His brain doesn't work like mine and he can't read what I am thinking.

Anyway, not sure any of that helped. But if you are wanting to stay in this relationship and if he wants to stay in the relationship I would suggest that you actively work on things. No excuses. If he isn't willing to put in the extra effort then it's over.

Good luck!

How do *you* feel about your marriage? Do you want to continue/separate/divorce?

Because you have some dissociation, and, specifically, going numb, it is really hard to interpret the OP. On the surface, the OP shows no traces of emotional attachment to this man, but rather some purely intellectual curiosity about his ways. But maybe deep down you actually have feelings for him, and yet you dissociate, go numb, and write your report as if you were recounting a movie someone else produced. So it is hard to say anything.

When we were dating, engaged, and newly weds, it happened a lot. I didn't find out everything until we were married 3 months, but it's been a year and I know it wasn't going on for awhile. My belief is it started in December again. And no, I am not okay with it. When I found out, I was angry and was leaving, but I took a hard fall, and ended up in the hospital the rest of the night with a miscarriage. He stayed by my side and we argued it out til I went numb. I try to give him attention. I go out of my way not to go numb with him. Seeking therapy and help for 2 years. I've been a lot better.

Although after all of this, he was prefect last night and this morning. I swear he has a switch.

I do want this to work, and I love him. Thank you