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#1
May 06, 2014, 07:00 PM
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I'm totaly unexperienced in this kind of "busyness", but it seems that my classmates are really used to all kind of stuff.
And they really like to talk about that. Not describing the experiences...today I listened to them talking about who already tried oral sex, menages, casual things with strangers, kinds of stiles that they had tried. Usualy, in casual circunstances, they just make jokes about some thing someone said turning it in a sexual reference, but today they were very open about it. It was on a class dinner, beside than just sit there with no one to talk or anything to share. I had to hear these conversations that make me realize I will never belong to that group. I feel somehow that is impossible to have friends unless you talk and share some of this kind of experiences. Or simply love issues. That I can't belong to any group if I don't talk about this. It's a theme they talk a lot about. And I am that person that don't even likes to share if a guy is cute or not. Is this a thing of my generation? Is this a things everybody does? Am I the stranger?
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I am not crazy, I am hurt |
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#2
May 06, 2014, 07:12 PM
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Are you a male? I find when males are in a group, they usually talk about sex.
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#3
May 06, 2014, 07:18 PM
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I'm a female.
__________________
I am not crazy, I am hurt |
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#4
May 07, 2014, 06:38 AM
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The topic of sex is personal and in my opinion should stay private between a couple. I worked a nightshift job where the male co-workers loved foul humor involving sex. I've no doubt the topic raised group morale. The soft giggling and casual smiles exchanged during these conversations made me wonder if I was born from another planet. I've never understood it.
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 Maria116, mulan
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#5
May 07, 2014, 08:41 AM
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| mulan
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#6
May 07, 2014, 08:45 AM
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I survived high-school and later on university listening to this kind of talk while being a virgin and romantically uninvolved myself for the better part. Not that I'm a prude, but I really had no interest in hearing who "did" who and what it was like. @mulan, all I can tell you is that different people like to talk about different things, and if you look long enough you will undoubtedly find people who are just as uninterested in this topic as you are. |
| mulan
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#7
May 07, 2014, 03:23 PM
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because they talk about sex doesn't make it a bad thing or a good thing..just a topic of conversation. whether you can talk openly about sex or not shouldn't be the basis of your friendship, so maybe these aren't the friends for you..and that's ok, there is nothing wrong with that, this group of people is not the say all be all of the world, so if you don't fit in, no problem..this world is full of people and some of them will share the same view you do. the trouble is in today's society( as has always been) there are a lot of mixed messages being sent by the powers that be.. i.e governments, religious groups ,parents and other so called "authorities" on the matter. on one hand various institutions demonize it like it is a plague upon the earth and then on the other hand the same people behind these institutions assist in plastering it all over the airwaves/televison/internet and etc. sex is a beautiful thing, a wonderful thing..something to be enjoyed and appreciated..but in the proper context. everyone's upbringing and social beliefs are different..doesn't make either belief system "wrong" just different. if you choose to keep your sexual matters and experiences private..that is your right, by all means do so..i encourage you to do so..what is your business is yours alone. so i will say it is a thing of your generation and every generation before it..so fear not!"everybody" doesn't "do it" there are some that do and some that don't & of course those that lie about it as well..so no you are not "strange" you just have different values & there is nothing wrong with that..if you are comfortable in your belief system..don't allow anyone to change that..be who you are, but on the same token you cannot expect these people to change their belief system to suit your needs, to hope for that would lead to great disappointment. if these conversations make you uncomfortable i suggest you avoid this group and focus on making friends with people that share your views/values. i hope this helps and good luck
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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| mulan, TheOriginalMe, waiting4
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#8
May 07, 2014, 03:30 PM
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((((mulan)))) not a generational thing. Age demographic, establishing identities, sounds like, from what you've written.
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
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#9
May 07, 2014, 03:44 PM
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Its really good that you are questioning all of this. It tells me that you have the common sense enough to know something isn't right about how our society pushes sex from every angle, from TV, to ads, music, everything.
It is NOT healthy this way. Protect yourself from this mind manipulation all around you and find pride within yourself to wait for the right time with the right partner. And when that time does come , keep the sanctity of that personal and close to your heart. Its nobody's business who you have sex with or if you are having it at all. Love yourself enough to not participate in this mentality society has become. You will end up in a much happier place if you don't fall into the pressure and just find your way on your own. It is vital to wait for the right time and the right person. Otherwise, it has huge repercussions on the spirit, mind and overall outlook on life. |
| Maria116, mulan
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#10
May 07, 2014, 04:32 PM
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My personal opinion is that people are way to uptight when it comes to the topic of sex. Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable experience between 2 (maybe more) people. The problem arises when people associate sex with love. The 2 have nothing to do with one another aside from when added together they make each other better (like peanut butter and jelly).
I always am amused when people say wait for the right person and it will be magical. That is a ridiculous statement in that how can you ever have a magical moment with someone when all you can think about is how self conscious you are and how you have no idea what you are doing. My first time is special to me not because it was with a true love or it was a beautiful thing but rather because I was horrible and I find the whole memory to be hilarious. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it then don't. Your friends will understand if they are truly your friends but at the same time don't judge your friends for their experiences. Everyone is different with different beliefs so if you want them to respect yours then you need to respect theirs. It's not as if they are forcing you to have sex, they are just talking about it around you. If it gets to be to embarrassing for you then walk away but don't cut friends out because of it. |
| brainhi, mulan, trying2survive
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#11
May 07, 2014, 08:25 PM
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It's not a matter of jugdement. I'm pretty sure 95% of the people around my age had done it, it isn't realy a matter of values. Is just I feel realy like a stranger when I am with people that enjoys talking about all the time...I don't mind the jokes, unless they are to agressive. And certainly I would not ask anyone to change because of me.
It feels like I am the one that is wrong. I'm not worried about when my time will comes. It's just that I'm private about my intimacy, I don't belong to this world, and every single conversation of almost anyone around me seems to end in this topic. And is by sharing this kind of intimacy that make people close with each other. Sometimes it feels like if a person don't want to share his feelings the others perceive the person as a cold one. In fact most of the friendships I know gravitate around talking about guys. I don't mind to hear other girls talk about it. But I realy think this topic is overshared in away that pulls me apart from any group or any friendship. I enjoy talking about other stuff. It's like that I have to share something on the love, sexual topic all the time to realy become part of a group. |
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#12
May 07, 2014, 08:42 PM
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#13
May 08, 2014, 01:54 PM
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it's perfectly natural to talk about the opposite sex, some feel more comfortable than others. they simply have a different comfort level than you do. if you don't feel inclined to share..i would advise you not to. consider this.. what you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..and this also holds true in the court of public opinion, if you don't want your "dirty laundry" in the "street" so to speak, i suggest you don't put it there. when the conversation turns to sex..which from what i understand, it inevitably will..hold your silence. sometimes it's best to be a silent observer! hope this helps
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| mulan
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#14
May 08, 2014, 06:23 PM
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I say I am the one who is wrong, because I don't fit any of this groups, I don't fit anywhere. ANd it makes me feel and be more lonely. I'm already the quiet observer. I don't feel comfortable to share, I have nothing to share... and I wonder why people aren't more like me. They seem to be all the opposite way. Because I will always sense that I'm the different one, the only one appart, and I am.
Why can't people build friendship on a different way, why can't they have fun taking about anything else. Because being the one who is sitting there just listening and realizing that I am so different, that I'm in the outside is heartbroken. Is realy almost impossible to find someone more like me. And that is sad. Is sad seeing everyone around starting to get very close to each other, while I'm more and more forgotten. |
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#15
May 10, 2014, 04:49 PM
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i highly doubt this group of people are going to change their ways and topics of conversation to make you feel comfortable. if you want to be are part of this group...unfortunately for you, you are going to have to do as the group does. by definition a group is a collection of people that share the same interest( by most definitions) if you don't want to do as the group does, you are going to have to find other people that share your beliefs/comfort level/values. everyone build friendships in different ways..so to answer your question about why people can't build friendships a different way..i suppose they could, but it appears in your case the people you are surrounded by choose not to. perhaps instead of beating yourself up about being so different..maybe you could learn something from these conversations.....maybe even ask questions? your perception creates your reality, if you perceive sex to be "bad" in any way, you would be predisposed to feel a lot more uncomfortable about the subject. i don't know your personal views on the subject nor do i condemn them either way..everyone is entitled to their opinion. it is difficult for you to understand why they are having so much fun talking about sex because you have never experienced it, when the time comes for you, you'll understand. until then..i imagine you will feel like i don't understand what the big deal is. hopefully this will shed some light on a subject enough light is not being shed on nearly enough.
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| mulan
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#16
May 10, 2014, 07:21 PM
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Dunno, sometimes my best friend and I would share some sexual details... for example, when I was married my husband was pretty selfish in bed and sex would hurt me most of the time, so I did share that with my best friend... but not in the presence of a bunch of other people who are uncomfortable with it. Girls do have a lot of silly conversations and they talk about whatever. I was on the phone with a friend today and I told her about how I bought my neck massager and then I put it around my butt and said that now I can have the experience of someone grabbing my azz whenever I want to! Was it sexual - not really, just me acting stupid.
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| mulan
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#17
May 10, 2014, 08:23 PM
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I understand...and I think I'm suppose to not have a real group of friends. I can't even get friends, how can I get a boyfriend. I'm just not the kind of person to say those silly things "not sexual".
I can say I have lots of experience hearing, seeing, and even ask questions about these things... I can hear all kinds of things, comment on them even they are not my the kind of subjects that interest me, and It's not because of that I became a more interesting person to other people's eyes. I'm not going to change...this is how I am. |
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#18
May 10, 2014, 08:48 PM
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 Man problems are what all girls have in common - sharing them is girls' quickest way to bond. Some people go overboard when talking about men and start mentioning things that are too intimate - it's against the generally accepted rules of etiquette but people do it, that's the way it is. That's why I mentioned cursing - it's also against etiquette but people do it, so I'm not going to complain. My best friend is from a different country than me and of a different race, we disagree on various things and I've put my foot in my mouth many times when talking to her, but she tolerates me and I appreciate it. We've been talking almost daily for the past 17 years and we always have man problems to share.
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#19
May 10, 2014, 08:52 PM
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It's hard when folks all around you are into something that just doesn't "float your boat" and you feel like you are on the outside looking in. I think the important thing to remember is that everyone is different yet many have the same ideas, want to talk about the same things or be involved with the same things.
Another important thing to fitting in.....you have to decide what you are interested in and do some homework to figure out where you can find like minded people that would like discussing or doing the same thing or similar things to what you appreciate. You may even find that some of those women in the group that are all talking about sex on a one to one basis may not even go there in their talks with you. Sometimes reaching out to someone and saying something like "hey, I'm going to go get a cup of coffee, would you like to join me?" is enough to break the ice with someone. From there you can find things to talk about on a more private level and hopefully click and become friends. It's hard finding a way to connect with others. Many many years ago when I was a teen trying to fit in, I was so lonely almost all the time. It didn't matter what clique there was in school, I didn't fit into any of them. I did find though, that if I had a chance to speak with someone one to one, there was more acceptance and learning about each other and we were able to break the ice some. From there came more acceptance and connection. 
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| Maria116, mulan
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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