Depressed GF - how do I help....

Greetings: My girlfriend of over a year and I are quite close and have been planning a future together. She struggles with depression and is in the midst of the worst bout she has probably had in years. One part of this has been that she expresses feeling very disconnected, especially from me, and says that in addition to fearing that she will never get out of her depression she fears that she will never again feel close and connected to me, is this common? How do I stay connected to her and be caring and of comfort during this time? Is it common that those who are depressed feel detached from their partners? Any help is appreciated...

Welcome to PC, you are in the right place...

it is natural for your girlfriend to feel that way, depression can destroy many lives. the best thing you can do to help her is to let her know you are by her side, no matter what happens. tell her how you feel about her, and encourage her to see her doctor for anti-depressants, and maybe even consider therapy. depression rarely, if ever, goes away on its own accord, it has to be defeated, so guide her towards therapy and medication for it. as long as you show that you care and you remain by her side, ready for her to talk to anytime she needs to, then thigs should improve soon.

i hope things improve, i really do. maybe reccomend this site to her and ask her to join on here, this will help her alot as there are many people here who know what she is going through and who knows how to help.

simon

Just continue to be supportive and let her know that you understand that coming out of it ( depression ) is a process and not just something she can decide to do and have it happen.

If she doesn't see a therapist, gently suggest that she might benefit from sharing her feelings with someone who specializes in these matters.

Try not to be too critical of her during these times. Even though it may be quite apparent to you that "things really aren't that bad", pointing that out to her may only make her feel that her feelings don't matter and that you couldn't possibly understand. Instead, just keep doing the little things to let her know that you're thinking about her and that show her that you care. Continue to do so even if she doesn't directly acknowledge all of your efforts.

It can be frustrating when your efforts to fulfill your partner fall flat.
Keep dispensing the loving grace and reassure her that you'll see her through this hard time. Tell her that you are certain she will not always feel as she does today. Be a positive motivating force in her life. And give yourself some props for caring about her enough to seek out answers to her troubles in the hope of improving your relationship.

Peace to you both!

-Breezer

i truly commend you for coming to PC and asking for support. what a generous partner you are.

i agree with what was said above as i've been there and depression isn't easy...keep posting and we'll keep listening.......

pat

Welcome to PC... you do have our attention.

I trust you are getting some responses that can help you!

Again, welcome. TC!

Thank you, I am. She and I actually has a frank discussion last night about her depression and the way she feels disconnected. As she explained it to me she feels little hope for anything when she is in this state and that includes to ever feel close to me again. I shared with her some of what I had been reading yesterday on these forums, trying to reassure her that she was not alone and that others have similar experiences. She seems comforted when I except what she is feeling, including her fears, as real, while at the same time reassuring her that this is only how she feels now, not how she has always expressed feeling, and that she will at some point feel differently.

She is in therapy with a decent therapist who believes he can help her, she is unsure of whether or not he pushes her hard enough. She has been on antidepressants for many years. While some, most recently lexapro at 20mg alleviated depression, she was in a constant state of anxiety which was equally as bad if not worse. She switched psychiatrists and has started on zoloft, currently at 150 mg qd but feels it is making her anxiety worse rather than better.

thanks for all the advice and understanding, I hate watching her go through this and miss my best friend. I will keep posting.

Welcome, I hope things get better and smooth out for both of you. Depression is a horrible disease -- I have suffered from it on and off most of my life. I do not use the word "suffer" lightly. Good luck.

Hi...I'm kind of in the same boat right now with my gf. I'm looking for suggestions myself so I don't really have anything to add here, except that I hope you can work it out. You're both willing to communicate and that's a big thing. Good luck.

from experience of being depressed as a teen I found that even now as an adult sometimes I fall back into those days where I can just wake up and be in a negative environment that can get me down sometimes. To come out of that I have to just get way from it and find or go back to a place or thought that I can be relieved from the stress. I find that I get that way when I am in groups or alone. As far as my relationships with guys I've dated I feel a since of peace and positivity in myself that I feel when I am one on one with a person verses a group of people. I don't know your girlfriends circumstance but you really do need to focus on her and communicate those feelings with her and help her get to that happy place.