Invited along out of obligation

I feel like I am invited along out of obligation a lot. I am rarely invited but when I am and I go along with a group of people, I am always excluded out of conversations no matter how hard I try to get involved in what is being talked about. Most of the time now I just sit back and be quiet and people don't been notice or care. And sometimes if I am constantly interrupted or treated like I am not there, I will eventually just leave if I am in a location where I am able to leave such as someone else's room or the cafeteria. I feel bad about doing so and makes me feel like a fake person but I feel like sometimes that is the only thing I can do. And they don't seem to care or even notice. That is why I feel like the people I hang around only invite me out of obligation or pity. I feel like no one really cares about me and really don't want me around them. Sometimes when I do get a word in or make a joke, I am interrupted or told to never repeat that joke again but then someone else will repeat that same exact joke a minute later or something similar and everyone starts laughing and everyone listens. It's like they are allowed to talk and joke around but I'm not. That's why I feel like when I just leave, they don't care especially since they never ask where I am going or when and if I am coming back. They may not even say goodbye but if they do it is a quick superficial goodbye and then back to what they were talking about. I feel like I am treated as more of an option since they only talk to me more when it is one-on-one. I have talked to one of the group members about how I feel but their apology was superficial and never even tried to make a change. That only backs up my belief that they don't really like me. Maybe I am overreacting but that is how I feel. What do you guys think? What action should I take next? And this happens to any group I am with, not just one, which makes me feel like there is something wrong with me or they don't like me due to my appearance.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through! I know that feeling WELL! I finally decided it's better to have one or two TRUE friends than a room full of FAKE ones! No one who is capable of making you feel so bad is worthy of being your friend. You deserve to be valued and treated with dignity and respect! Please don't settle for less! When I run into situations like that, (and I do!) I always reject them before they have a chance to reject me! I just hate how rude, self centered and self righteous people are in the world today! I hope you won't let their behavior define how you see yourself! They are the ones who are flawed. It's their own loss not to take the time to get to know you. I'm here for you if you need to talk and actually have someone LISTEN to you!

You need new friends ... Can you join some groups that interest you to where you can meet people that you share an interest you ?

Life is hard enough you dont need fake people in your life.

Be kind to yourself

BPH welcome and i understand your problem to a great degree!!!Whenever my family would get together, and there are 11 of us, i would always be the one who wasn't ALLOWED to talk. I do blame this on my older sister as i am the 2nd eldest and i believe to some extent it is her fault because she was the eldest and had to control the whole family, especially me. Every time i tried to talk no one seemed to be listening, and they were not allowed to talk to me back either. Good luck and try to find some new friends

That really sucks -- are there a few people in the group that you feel closer to than the others? Do you find that one on one conversations work better for you?

Since you mentioned that this happens no matter what group you are part of, is it possible that part of this feeling is based more on your own perceptions of things? That your friends keep inviting you really suggests that they *do* like you. If they didn't, they wouldn't ask you to come with them in the first place.

It really is a confusing situation, where they like you enough to invite you but not enough to listen to you. I kind of wonder if group situations aren't just like that, where people feel like they aren't heard or liked. I know that I feel that way a lot of times even if I know intellectually that it isn't really true.

Dear avlady,

No One deserves to be treated like that, manipulation and alienation at such an early age.
I hope you are far removed from your sister and are able to communicate with other siblings. If not I hope you have LOVE in your life by friends or extended family.
Other poster,
I dont know why but when groups are involved, women behave weird.
Trust your intuition. Find new friends, fake people have their own problems.
H.

I get what you mean but I sometimes feel like they do it out of obligation. In the past with different groups I have been invited multiple times only to find out later that they never wanted me with them the whole time. They just did it out of obligation, the whole time they were wishing I was not there. Now I constantly worry that will happen again but I get what you mean though.

It's too bad there isn't a class or something in group dynamics. I would sign up for it

With regard to next actions, what about hanging out with people one on one? At least some of them must feel friendly towards you if you keep getting invited.

I took a group dynamics class and it didn't teach me anything. Totally not what I expected. And yeah I know they are being friendly but sometimes. I am invited because someone else tells them to and also I just wish that if there is a time when they do not want me around then they can just tell me or just not invite me. No big deal, real simple. But some people have trouble with being honest but I see what you are saying.

Ha ha, another friend told me she took a class in something like group dynamics and that it wasn't what I thought -- so I will scratch that off my list

You're right - in that situation, I'd just as soon not be invited... although, for me, I like to be invited and then just not go. I've been experimenting with treating group events (like parties where there will be a lot of people I don't know) as a game, seeing how many people I can mingle with (and how long it takes before I say something offensive). It definitely makes the time pass more quickly.

Yep, hate it when classes are not what you expect haha. And true, sometimes I do that same thing when it comes to group gatherings.