Boyfriend can't hold down a job

If I hadn't left my H after those 33 years with my inheritance, he would have used it up by throwing it away.....he's now on disability & hasn't worked since around 2002.......he was always a looser when it came to money & financial issues & I would have lost everything if I had stayed with him.....if you want to end up in a place like that when you are old.......just tolerate his crap.

However THAT IS A HUGE ELEPHANT that can't be worked around or tolerated.....a lot of little crap can be good but if the important things aren't good, then IT ISN"T GOOD.

Okay, that's a fair reply..it makes sense. But consider this, you are not happy with the situation. Soooo.

Either
A. You are going to have to accept him as he is & somehow hope love will find a way...

Or
B. realize you love him, but he is not going to change and you are not willing to live the rest of your life like this.

I don't know or want to assume, but based on the thread thus far...It almost seems like he could have a case of depression, which would really suck. But then he'd probably need help with that to help with finding work and what not.

I don't know i just haven't really heard of many people who flat out refuse to work, who can....Is he consistently applying for work? Has he worked in the past long enough to collect unemployment? If it does have to do with depression its unlikely he brings it all on himself......how do you know he could have stayed in college? why did he drop out?

Also working for oneself is much, much easier said than done...not everyone who is unable to find employment has the ability or resources to just up and employ them-self. But yeah unless he's got something else going for him like rich parents who still fund his living, or a trust fund or something giving him enough money to live comfortably with...I sort of doubt he really doesn't want a job.

Then again if he really just is being lazy and what not, then that really is unfair to you....but if there's legitimate issues here it might not all be stuff he can change or a case of bringing it on himself.

Also though its up to you to decide what you want in a relationship...if he's too unstable and you need more stability, well it might not be meant to be...unless he is being lazy and would be willing to put more effort into life and the relationship then it could improve. But if he's set in his ways it likely wouldn't change...Also if its due to mental problems like depression and what not truth be told it might be an ongoing struggle, he might lack the ability to become as stable as you're wanting him to be in which case either you'd have to relax your standards a bit or I don't see anything other than a resentful relationship growing.

Thank you for giving me such a good reply. I've occasionally wondered if maybe the not being able to find a job thing could be making him depressed, but he doesn't show the symptoms how I have experienced and seems totally normal really. Of course I know that it effects everyone differently, but he just seems like he is genuinely just lazy sometimes. He's grown up as the baby of his family, and still has everything done for him. He doesn't seem to understand why anyone would say no to him - he will be sat there and ask me to make him a sandwich. To which I say, can't you make it yourself? Then he will actually then ask his Mum to make him one! If she says no, I have actually known him not bother having one at all! I don't know, to be honest if it is that he's lazy or could be depressed, but I don't want to just make an excuse up for him, especially as he isn't totally sympathetic towards me when my depression gets bad and says that he doesn't understand.

Hope is only about ourselves and what might happen to us, not what other people might do. Your hope might as well be that the rain will stop "in time" or the economy will get better, etc. None of those things are remotely affectable :-) by us as individuals. Hope you get a job you feel qualified for and interviewed well for, hope you meet someone you can love and who loves you back as you live your life being the best "you" you can be, allowing your character and interests and passions/goodness to show through and attract those around you who enjoy those things.

try house painting - self employed - quotes - no wage work

hi i googled i cant hold down a job and i thought id add my experience- i was the same, however I aalways tried to get more work constantly - to be frank i hated taking critisim and alawyas got all the bad vibes becasue i hated working for other people - there were a few times it worked - not often and only like pub work - I struggled for 15 years and 99% i just hated working for people who treated me badly - it's like that person at school that is a real dork and everyone treats like a moron and then he thinks everyone is a moron and nastry when they actually bring it on themselfs - anyhow the only way i got out of this was to paint houses - only contract never wages - i have to do a weeks wage work next week and i need the money so i'm worried. if i sleep in and dont get to work i wont get paid and i wont afford to eat or advertise on google and get more work - your meant to be qualified up to a certain amount but i just ruin the gauntlet ans say nothing - i have been on a roll and painting has changed my life - all the houses are empty and i turn up late, doesnt matter, i just stay later, smoke week sometime, sometime i dont, not even smoking cigs at the moment, ya- if there is a person at the house i'm just honest and say i love painting and it suits me cause i et to work late ect cause i'm not a morning person and just stay till midnigh the last few days to finish the work - I have seen other people who cant hold down work become painters and it works for them - it's not all champain and roses and somtimes its not easy - i work hard for awhich is a low hourly rate but do heaps of hours, sometimes weed helps me finish big house as i stay later and do more work, other times not - just saying - anyhow i dont know where i'd be without painting - i only paint the inside of houses cause i dont know how to sand down exterior places ect. I let my brain do the work as in I dont think bad thoughts about clients like i use to when i was working for peopl ie. abusing them in my mind - i try my best - which i neer did working for others and i try and make it as best experience as possilbe - if there a moron than i've tried my best to make it a good experience so that s their fault if they - the best part is 1 work at a new place every few weeks and a new "boss" i guess which is what i use to do anyway - i'm not sure if i want to be a painter till the day i die but if i could get enough money and time i could by a lime orchard or start one or buy another business(shop front) ect where i dont have to deal with peopleas mucg agin - ie. a 1 minute dealing with 100 people a day and open and close as i choose ect - anyway hope that help it saved me and i''d hate to think where i would be witout painting - i dont want to think about it cause i had reached the end of the road - my resume was such a mess tha i actually was seems ed unemployable - i actually get paid in large checks now which is nice, i work for them, i earn them fair and square, i still get close to finishing a house sometimes and think it's not good enough ad i wont get paind but i pus on and becasue i try my best they dont see all the litle mstakes i make, they jsut dont see them, i'm a better painte every day, i'm actually a great business man as well, I always go to extra effort and do the right thing by peole and when your get a good name, locally or online with reviews then you have luck and win larger works and tehn make bigger money - good luck

These topics are always hard to deal with. The fact that he understands that the way he is living isnt healthy is a good sign. Nobody WANTS to be a bum. I think that therapy and medication would be a HUGE benefit to him. I am 24 years old and when I was his age, I went through a period of being lazy without a job and living with my parents. I was later perscribed Wellbutrin and Adderall; now I have my stuff together. Medication helped get me off of the couch so maybe you could ask him to make an appointment with his general doctor. Give that a try before you leave him.

You seem like an amazing person. Mature and responsible for your age with a bright future ahead of you. Trust me when I say, he knows that he is lucky to have you in his life.... But you can only help him so much before you eventually will need to think of YOURSELF and whats best for you. Try medication and therapy (if you can afford it). See if that helps. I wish you both all the best! Keep thinking positive!

Hi everyone,

I know it's been a little while since I posted this thread, but to keep you updated as if my some miracle he has a job and we are in our own house! He's like a completely different person, I definitely think being unemployed was seriously bringing him down and now he has a job he's more back to himself.

Thank you all for your support when I needed it!

J x

I understand staying because youve been with him for so long and not having a place to go afterwards, but also just think about your future as well- is this something you want for the rest of your life, because it seems like he has become so dependent on you financially that he doesn't even have the desire to find a job and he's still living with his parents- it seems like he relied on the people around him to take care of him rather than doing the job himself. Just think about what you want for yourself and what your goals are in the long run, and hopefully you guys can sit down and talk about it. I wish you the best of luck!