My brother in law is obsessed with me

Hi..
Ever since I was little my brother in law would make my life hell for me.
He married into my family when I was 5. When I started talking to boys he
chased them all away and even vetted the friends I had. I spent alot of time over at my sisters house but then he made me too uncomfortable always commenting on my looks so I stopped. Now I spend alot of time with a different sister and he mocks her and he frankly sounds...jealous. Recently his wife has even begun dressing like me. It really creeps me out.

How old are you? I would suggest telling your parents about the situation so that you are not left alone with him. Have you told your sister? Is she aware of his inappropriate behavior?

Do you think he is wanting to have sex with you ?

You need to talk to you parents .. right now !

Definitely talk to your parents.

I'm 18 and I tried talking to my parents. They said they are not willing to get involved and I should leave it alone and not become a homewrecker.

He also talks very suggestively about other married women right in front of my sister and her teenage daughter. My sister is in complete oblivion and when I tried to talk to her she accused me of being jealous delusional having an overreactive imagination and trying to cause problems where there is none.

What is it like for you to be with your sister and him?

With my sister I'm fine but just weary..with my brother in law im afraid

SAY SOMETHING NOW. Don't wait. I've had a bil who became obsessed with me when I turned 18 (I guess in his mind that was an "okay" age for him to show me inappropriate affection). Every family gathering was very awkward. I kept waiting for someone else (my husband, my sister) to speak up. I felt weird about saying anything.

I am now 51 and my bil is COMPLETELY obsessed with me. He regularly comes into the cafe where I work...my co-workers finally asked me if "that guy who comes in here all the time is in love with you?" Ugh. Uh...yeah..."that guy" is my brother-in-law! My sister doesn't particularly give a hoot - she flirts with other men all the time.

Please, don't abuse yourself by allowing the totally inappropriate actions of your bil continue. Because it will. And no one will step up to help you out - but they might end up blaming you.

I am very uncomfortable being with only them so I will usually be playing with one of their kids. When I am with just my sister I am fine but I am afraid of being alone with my brother in law. I tried to say something but my parents told me I need to stop having delusional thoughts and there is no one else to go to.

If I am understanding you correctly, you have stopped going over to where he lives with your sister. Maybe you can stay away from him completely?

I think your sister is " Delusional " and what i really want to know is has he been inappropriate with you already , touching or more ? Do you have anything to add or want to say about him ?
I believe you .

It is impossible to stay away because they live next door! And our lives r so intertwined. From what I remember which is not much...I don't believe he ever physically touched me but words can be just as bad...like the concept of phone sex...neither of u r touching but you're being extremely intimate. I feel like I am stuck in a hopeless situation and I really really don't even want to be put in the position of my brother in law trying to seduce me. I am aware my sister is delusional..she became like that due to living with her husband.

What is the reason you can't tell your bil, straight to him only, that you don't like and won't tolerate his behavior anymore?

Would chasing boys away be him being overprotective but talking suggestively about women in front of his family wasnt appropriate. If you live next door , why not only come over when your sister is there? And leave when he's there alone?

I do believe their relationship is theirs and that if you feel uncomfortable about your BIL you should stay away

He is a manipulative conman. Anything you say can and will be used against you when you deal with him. I did tell him in the past and then he told his wife that I tried to sduce him and in turn she texted all of my friends what a disgusting person I am and they shouldnt be friends with me anymore. I was friendless for weeks because my friends were terrified that my sister would spread rumors about them if they stayed my friends.

And its not limited to me just going over to their house- he texts me and calls me and talks about me to other people all the time. He followed me when I went out with my friends and when I went out of town he texted me pictures of ME AND MY FRIENDS that one of his associates took for him and told me hes always watching me and I can never get away. My shrink at the time told me to report him as a stalker and i could have a restraining order against him but i wasnt ready to take such a drastic step. Not only would it have destroyed my sisters family but it would have destroyed my family too.

Wow he's crazy. You shouldn't suffer like this. How is he getting your friends phone numbers and contact? File a restraining g order anywhere would better than there, you're being tortured

I think you are dealing with a " Psychopath Type " here and it's only a matter of time before he Blackmails you into having sex with him . I think your sister is caught up in his " Narcissistic Glitter " ridding his "Greatness " persona and blind to anything else.

So what you do is NEVER be alone with him without witnesses , Change your phone number etc Avoid him and maybe time to find a new boyfriend for yourself.

Pick a strong type guy that won't put up with the brother in laws Manipulation, stalking etc Then he will hyper focus on someone else.

If he sends you inappropriate text messages, show them to your parents. Showing them evidence might help them believe you. If he says stuff to you in front of your friends, have your friends go with you to talk to your parents. You should also go to the police with the text messages and pictures and get a restraining order. Do whatever you have to do to get this guy away from you. You could also use a tape recorder and record inappropriate things he says to you. The more evidence you have, the better. Never be alone with him. Do not go to your sister's house. Do not let him into your house when you are home alone. Protect yourself.

She needs to do it the right way and " Suggest " why is he doing this ? to her parents and sister. So they draw the conclusion that he is " Stalking "etc

You dont think that I did evrything possible already EXCEPT for go to the police? cause I did. Of course I told my parents all through high school but my brother in law had already twisted their minds so much- they said I must be the one seducing him and its my fault because of the way I dress and i bring it on myself. I dress extremely conservatively- ive never work a tank top, vneck, mini skirt, or shorts before... and for that matter i stopped dressing attractively because i couldnt stand my brother in laws comments anymore and they were making me feel violated, it just wasnt worth it. I approached my guidance counselor in high school and even went to the principal but it was no use. No one is able to do anything. I'm to be married soon- I moved away from home for awhile and met a guy..my family knows nothing about him because i am too scared my brother in law will react in a violent manner if he finds out AND I'm very worried that my brother in law will destroy my marriage if we get to the wedding vows in one piece that is... I know I have no reason to fear him but ever since i was little I have- Im working on removing the fear from my system but Im afraid I will always be somewhat afraid of him.

And whenever I would beg my parents to do something or come up with a solution to change the situation they would always say that everythying my brother in law does is because he loves me and just wants to protect me. ********.

Ok , I get everything you are saying and we will sort it out bit by bit.

firstly, Your in charge of yourself , not the BIL , or your parents.
We all grow and separate from our parents , like a puppy becomes a big dog.

Everyone has a designated position in the " Family " like the BIL and you wont change it as people don't like change. This is why they are not listening to you . Even if he did something bad they would cover it up to keep things the same.

Yes , the "Family "would sabotage your romance , why , yes again because of "Change ".

There can be no change in the " Enmeshed Family " you have to be the " Big Dog " here and escape with your man. This is your life , not theirs and they should respect what YOU want.

And of course it sounds like they won't respect what you want. What is your response?